Thursday, January 10, 2013


I am neither religious nor superstitious, but there is something otherworldly about the space where two roads come together.  The devil is said to set up shop there if you want to swap your soul for something more useful.  If you believe that God can be bribed, it's also hallowed ground to make sacrifices.  In the literal sense, it's also a place to change direction, but once you've changed it, you're stuck until you come to another crossroads, and who knows how long that will be.

Tayari Jones
Silver Sparrow

I am both religious and superstitious.  I believe in God, karma, and signs.  I also believe in personal responsibility and freedom of choice.  I believe in fate and destiny.  I also believe that my action or inaction affects my fortune or misfortune.  Nothing is happenstance because intention is a trump card in life's deck. I know that these core, and seemingly contradictory, beliefs are what make change so very difficult for me.  I know that I have choices, and that choices have consequences.  I'm afraid to make a bad choice...the wrong choice.  I live in fear of choices that will result in undesirable consequences.  So sometimes I do my darnedest to make no choice at all.

When I read this passage the other day, I dog eared the page.  I revisited it.  I sat with it.  It made me think that when we reach a crossroads, we stagnate until we choose our way through the intersection.  Inaction seems more debilitating than taking a wrong turn or choosing to stay the course when the course has run its course if you will.  And unless the turn takes you off the road and over the cliff, you can always backtrack, return and try another route.  So rarely are we dealt that ace in the hole the first time around.  While it's true that the turning point is a critical one, going nowhere is no guarantee to the path of peace either.

I'm at a crossroads: both literal and figurative.  I have to get through this junction to take my place on the open road where all I want to do is coast for awhile. I am stuck on this image of  the road without any obstacles stretching straight into the horizon, open windows and wind blowing through my hair.  This picture feels like flying.  It is freedom.  It's the liberty that comes with making a choice...taking a turn...charting a course.  In this image, I have no idea where I'm going.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is that I am at the helm holding the reins and on the move.