Is there? I fear not. To rue is to be human.
Monday, February 27, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
sledding into the gloaming on friday until cheeks were rosy and fingers tingling, and then slowly thawing out over mugs of hot cocoa just in time for t. bone's basketball banquet.
the kids had a blast running around the gym, playing hoops and hide and seek, stopping only to have another slice of pizza.
the adults mingled and there was much talk at the end of the season of the next sport in the pipeline: baseball.
there was a walk on the sunny saturday morning...our usual loop around the nearby park.
we made it to church for 4:30 mass, which is really ideal for our schedule.
we had dinner with new old friends...the adults caught up while the kids carried on like the best of friends.
I dug this out for posterity and giggles...my kids almost didn't recognize me with curly hair and so much height from heels.
the loaf of fresh baked challah i scored at the store turned into melt in your mouth french toast sunday morning.
the boys left for a long day of basketball.
i took miss bit to sunday school to prepare for her first reconciliation next weekend.
while she practiced her act of contrition, i went for a windy, bone chilling walk down along the lake and then i flanked the river, which let me tell you was envigorating.
we spent the afternoon at home hanging out, cooking and playing.
she made me spaghetti and meatballs out of delicious play doh while i made meatballs for these
meatball sliders, Cooking Light tortilla soup, baked oatmeal and a pot pie since i have to work for the next 3 days...i tell ya it's feast or famine at casa wags some weeks.
when the boys came home, we had dinner and chilled out until bedtime thankful for yet another good, full weekend
You know when you are a kid and what you can only describe as the worst thing EVER happens to you, and your Mom hugs you tight and tells you calmly that everything is going to be OK and let’s go shopping even though she hates to shop? That thing that strikes you as completely wrong, unjust or undeserved and your Dad reminds you that tomorrow IS a new day and let’s go have a double scoop to make it all better?
And maybe you go to the mall or the ice cream parlor, but you are not really convinced that they know what they are talking about. You cannot fathom time heals, or wrap your head around what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. You buy, you eat, you smile, you live on.
So the thing is...it’s true, but you’re off with the he or she who wronged you in the first place too busy to reflect on the clarity of the words they have spoken with experienced conviction.
Then we grow up and our parents have imparted all the words of wisdom they have to offer so we’re sort of on our own. It’s a good thing we have been hearing even if we haven’t been listening. In the same way it is said an unconscious man perceives what those around him say, we absorb these tidbits over time.
There comes a time we start to speak them to ourselves when we hit a bump in the road, are downtrodden or dazed. We try them on for good measure until we truly come of age, wear them proudly and believe them whole heartily.
So when I felt a bit blindsided yesterday, I had it in my head that it would pass. What surprised me was that I regained my footing so quickly and also that I was left feeling more certain and convicted…more sure-footed if you will.
It’s affirming to know yourself and comforting to get just what makes you tick. There is a confidence that comes with understanding. It gives me the courage I need to hold my head high and carry on. Carry on knowing that at the end of the day there are only two people I need to answer to: my conscience and Him.
Friday, February 24, 2012
Today I give thanks for...
This quote at the end of Akeelah And The Bee: Remember that feeling where everything feels right but you don't have to worry about tomorrow or yesterday, but you feel safe and know you are doing the best you can and there's a word for that feeling it's called love........... L-O-V-E. I actually think there are many words for that feeling. Miss Bit and I watched Akeelah together this week. The language was a tad questionable at times, but the messages were worthy, stirring, plain good. She looked at me mouth agape a couple times, I shrugged and told her I trust her to not talk in such a manner. It gave us an opportunity to discuss bad words. We both agreed there are many other ways...better ways...to express ourselves.
In honor of the Oscars this weekend, I am watching Sophie's Choice; a movie I have never seen. It is my opinion that movies and stars are not of the caliber they once were. Of course, there's the rare gem, but I just don't think any "new" A-listers compare with the likes of Meryl Streep and company. The film is so poignantly acted.
Rotten bananas because in the Casa Wags that always means banana bread. This week the batch of banana bread muffins I made (with chips for her and without for him) have already disappeared.
Taking time to catch up on journals and scrapbooks this week. The whole time I spent working on them or writing in them, I was imagining how my kids will always have these snapshots of their childhoods to look back on.
Miss Bit was a little under the weather on Thursday, but I suspected that it was more down in the dumps than down for the count. She was a trooper and made it through the day. When I checked in with her teacher mid-day, she confirmed that Miss Bit was not quite herself and yet every bit as engaged as she is every other day. Today she was back to her happy self.
An invitation from a high school friend I haven't hung out with since shortly after high school to join her family for fun and pizza tomorrow night. I'm bringing dessert. I think I'm going to attempt a marriage between chocolate chip cookie bars and salted caramel bars and that way my bases will be covered.
T. Bone came down to get an extra hug from me before turning out his light last night. He needed it after a tear jerking read.
Reading Unlikely Friendships with my girl this week. She loves these stories about unusual pairings from the animal kingdom, and I just love how she adores animals. I think people who love animals are especially kind, compassionate, gentle souls and that pretty much sums up my girl.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
it was a friday evening walk around the park with my girl on her bike beside me and a molten orange sun literally melting into the horizon.
it was conversation, cocktails and choriqueso to kick it all off as day finally turned to night.
it was the realization that daylight really is gracing us longer and longer with her illuminating presence.
it was play dates for the kiddos and also the adults.
it was dodge ball and basketball and having a ball.
it was long walks on both sunny mornings.
it was conquering crepes early on a sunday morning...making the kids happy with the raspberry cream and the big kids happy too with the ham and gruyere.
it was a date to help uncle b. bone and aunt a. bone break in their new skates.
it was a spontaneous stop for burgers, beers and sodas to celebrate only minor injuries inflicted by the unforgiving ice.
it was just enough time at the end of it all to gather for the better part of a good movie and the promise of more: the compelling end of the film and another wonderful weekend.
Friday, February 17, 2012
A new song book inspiring Miss Bit to play her keyboard this week. She called to me in the kitchen, "Mom you're really gonna like this one. It's Hosanna that church song." It didn't sound right so I spied over her shoulder to read the song title. It was O' Susanna. We both had a good chuckle.
My friend for leaving Valentine treats on our doorstep Tuesday. T. Bone requested M&M cookies and she delivered. I was surprised by the sweet heart pillow she made for me after seeing a pin I made on Pinterest.
Miss Bit's Jazz performance this week. I asked T. Bone to come and watch. He obliged.
New suede boots...the price too good to resist. They'll be super cute with leggings.
Valentines. Miss Bit was in tears after school Tuesday when she saw the little pile of goodies on the dining room table. She was in tears because she realized that she didn't have a valentine for her Mom or Dad. She snuck out the markers and card stock and set to work even inspiring her brother, unbeknownest to me, to write his own love notes. It was a good love day all around at Casa Wags.
T. Bone before his haircut and after his haircut. It's a good thing he didn't go for a buzz cut like he thought because even this less drastic change proved too much for him. He's used to it now, and shortly after his outburst he conceded, "I don't know why I was so upset...It's only hair."
Late start days. Time to sleep in, hang out, play and then send them on their way with a decent breakfast.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Cutting For Stone
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Being cozy on the couch with my cats and computer right here...right now. The snow is swirling outside and the world is wintry white the way it should be this time of year. I'm all alone. T. Bone is bowling with friends and Miss Bit is off with Grandma and Grandpa.
Making valentines with Miss Bit this week. I L-O-V-E time to craft with my girl. She took such pride in personalizing each card, making them special and unique for the individual recipient. Her classmates are lucky and so are Grandma and Grandpa. This card was for them.
Homemade...valentines, soups, truffles, breads and laundry soap. I made my first batch this week. This $20 investment should keep us in the clean for at least 6 months and that just makes me feel giddy. Even though it's more work than buying detergent, it somehow feels simpler.
The passion my kids have for iced passion fruit tea lemonade. Their friends love it too. I make at least a pitcher a week...sometimes two and it's not even summer yet.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
I've been trying to come out from under this cloud by identifying the source of the shroud or finding a solution to the shadow, but the deeper I dig and the harder I try, the more daunting it becomes and the more hopeless I feel. There a moments and even days of reprieve. Yesterday a long chilly walk moderated my mood. The uptick was sustained by spending quality time with my girl after school. We made a list and visited the library in search of a couple titles to read together. Seeing her excited about reading really brings joy to my heart. My son just finished his favorite book for the third time. I don't know that I've ever voluntarily read the same book three times. What am I waiting for? That's what the recusant voice in my head says. When we got home, Miss Bit and I continued our girl time. We made valentines for her classmates. I'm telling you we designed, traced, cut, colored and glued the sweetest little cards. She was so excited to be creative and adamant to be sure she was choosing each classmate's favorite color. If you were really plugged in you'd be making heart shaped crafts and cookies, pink and red everything, feeling the L-O-V-E not slogging through the hours day by day. That's what the nay saying voice in my head whispers and taunts.
Ask me how I am and I'll probably say "fine," and perhaps even "good." That's what people really want to hear and what else would I say if I really don't want to talk about it...if I don't know how to talk about it. I used to pride myself on being such a good communicator...inter and intra both. And maybe I was, but at some point along the way, I stopped talking about any adverse feelings. I've ignored them, denied them, deflected them, repressed them, mocked them, pushed them aside, down deep and over and out. What is wrong with you? Get over it. Don't be a baby the same unforgiving voice chides.
So I drown out the voice. I listen to my book when I walk. I turn on the t.v. the minute I get home. I turn on the radio when I'm in the car. I don't sit in silence. I refuse to reconcile my feelings, or to make peace with my thoughts, fears or frustrations, and that folks is just a breeding ground for more of the same. The well-known dynamic of the unrelenting vicious circle. Fear begets fear. Frustration begets frustration. despair begets despair. Angst begets angst and ire begets ire.
I don't know what to do with this yet. I really don't. Yet the frightening prospect of putting this out there in black and white now offers a tiny bit of relief. It feels like a small breakthrough...a baby step in the right direction. I know I cannot wait this out any longer. My only plan at present is to bundle up and walk forward into the day. Walking helps. Writing helps. Today I am going to leave any and all distraction at home while I forge ahead and through. I know with some hard work, I'll get there. There...where I want to be.
(If you made it through...I'm sorry, but I did warn you.)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
in the morning i attended miss bit's character fashion show.
i attended the show after i scoured my bathroom that is.
she was going as bean.
bean is just a regular girl.
a regular girl with black hair.
miss bit is not a regular girl, but she has auburn hair.
the can of jet black hairspray turned much more than her hair ebony.
lesson learned that the shower door does not contain that fine, sooty mist.
after school she asked to shower the minute we got home and i couldn't blame her.
she had to shampoo, rinse and condition 4 times to get all the goo out.
i spent the rest of the day and most of friday night preparing for my soup er' sip saturday evening.
jess came over to test the wine and also to toast the trip to washington d.c. we're taking in march!
3 appetizers, 1 salad, 3 soups, 3 breads and 3 desserts for 8 women later.
clearly i have a problem.
oh, but it was good.
it was such a cozy, chill gathering.
my only complaint: our time together was too short.
and sunday morning came too soon.
hubby and i headed out for a bagel whilst the kiddos attended sunday school.
then the whole fam went to watch t. bone's back to back basketball games.
the team lost, but he played great.
my brother and sil joined us for more soup and the superbowl.
we were evenly split between the giants and the pats.
my team won despite the fact that i nodded off for the victory.
in lucky t. bone fashion he almost swept the family pool and had his winnings spent before bed that night.
we have a busy week around here so it should speed by.
and before we even know it, it'll be the weekend again...lucky for us all.
Monday, February 6, 2012
Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Gift from The Sea
I woke up to find this guy/gal hanging out in my yard yesterday morning. It seems to me a rather significant sign given the company and conversation I shared just hours before.
I wrote THIS (click link) post a little more than a year ago. The friend we went to visit in the hospital that snowy night and the friend I drove with were around my table last night. We connected with the other friend who joined us a year ago January by telephone. We talked about that night. Those sightings. Spirits. Sisterhood.
Call it what you like, but I must be honest and tell you that I cannot consider the coyote in my yard this morning anything close to a coincidence.