weekending

Despite going to bed early last night, I'm dragging today. I didn't sleep well. My mind would not shut down. I just got up from an after work rest with Finn. Usually I'm taking a late afternoon nap with Hazel, but today Finn cuddled up and sleep was elusive. It's Ok though because often times rest is enough.

The weekend was long and lively. Friday we kicked it off with Eric Church and he didn't disappoint. Elle King was sassy and so much fun too. It was THE perfect night for an outdoor performance with my guy. As EC was singing Hell of a View, the sky erupted with fireworks and it was...indeed...a sight.

I felt my age as we sped through the festival to catch a bus home. In the old days, I would've stayed until closing time. Nowadays I just wanted to get home.

I was grateful for a quiet morning with my coffee and Hazel. I did a little work, took Lils and Meryl for pedicures, and then we made homemade pizzas and introduced Meryl to Wizard, which she picked up quicker than any newbie I've ever played with, and what's more is that she liked it and almost won.

Lily was busy going to Summerfest and the beach with her tribe. Her roomie was in town for the weekend so we saw little of her. Ted and Meryl invited me and Mike out for a surprise date on Saturday night, which was so very sweet and fun! First I thought we were going to Hooligans and then I thought our destination was the cat cafe, but we went down Black Cat Alley to the Shanghai. I had never heard of this clandestine speakeasy, but I'll definitely visit again. The drinks were so unique and delicious. We ended up at Hooligans for our favorite wings after cocktails. We ran into old neighbors and then Lily's erstwhile soft ball coach. We're known as Smallwaukee for good reason. Our last stop was Paddy's Pub for a night cap, and who was behind the bar, but Paddy herself. That was another blast from the past as she used to groom our dogs many years ago in our previous lives.

 

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Meryl left Sunday morning, Lily met friends for brunch, Mike and Ted played a few tennis matches, and I restocked the frig and filled the laundry baskets with clean clothes. At the end of the day, Mike made pork chops and I put together my favorite risotto, an easy oven version that is indistinguishable from the fussy stove top dish. I also heated the cabbage and garlic side that I'd gotten from Trader Joe recently, and I'll be going back for more.

This week is rolling right along onto the 4th holiday. It's a little surreal that we are at this point already. Instead of lamenting the steadfast passage of time, I'm going to soak in all of the allure of the next couple months of all four of us home together. It's busy and messy and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Solstice and Stuff

 

Yesterday was the longest day of the year and still we had dinner well after dark. I made quite the solstice feast and I have the lingering scent of garlic on my hands to prove it. I put together a Mediterranean meal, which is perfect for grazing and eating in shifts, which we do a lot of this summer. I love me a an interesting mezze platter: fresh feta, crisp veggies, lots of olives, and grilled lamb and chicken to stuff in pitas and top with a dollop of tzatzki. I made Jaleo spinach because Jess was coming to dinner and we loved this dish when dining there in DC years ago. I also tried a recipe for Greek Lemon Potatoes. I didn't execute it quite right, but they were tasty. I will perfect this recipe before summer's end. A chilled pink Bordeaux was the perfect pairing.

Jess scooped Ted from the train on her way and Meryl arrived in time to join T and Lily for a pre-dinner workout. They all came home famished, which I loved because nothing makes me happier than feeding my peeps.

After dinner, we roped Jess in for a game of Quiplash. She ended up staying for three so I'm pretty sure she likes it as much as we do. It's a damn good thing we played that last game too. Finn Houdinied and was frolicking around the yard. I looked up and saw him running past the open patio doors on.the.outside. If not for the last game, he may have been out all night long. I have no idea how long he was on the prowl or how he got out, but he was pretty proud of himself. His brother and sister could not take their noses off him when we coaxed him back in. It's going to be a long summer said on day one.

Tonight we are going to see Eric Church and Elle King. I haven't been to or missed Summerfest in several years, yet I am looking forward to enjoying live music on this lovely eve. It's the first night and the Big Bang so it might be a little loco, but I am a big Church fan.

I'm working from home tomorrow, which means the weekend starts early. It seems like just yesterday we were celebrating Father's Day. Saturday we did BBQ with my dad and Sunday was golf and Mama Mia's for Mike. It was a bit of a tricky holiday this year: the first without his Dad and his brother. It made sense to keep it on the down low.

The 4th is in the purview. It'll be different this year without Windmill Beach. I'm just so grateful that we booked Webb Lake for the end of the summer. 

Loosey Goosey

Today is a new day. A day I intended to start the same way as the day before, yesterday, but alas I came home from the train and crawled back into bed. To be fair, it's in the 50s and I was up later than I should have been to execute my plan. The thing is I came home from work yesterday and took a lovely nap. Lovely because it was long. Too long.

The kids come home from work starving every night so they have hearty snacks and that pushes dinner back. It's getting later and later. Last night it was closer to 10 o'clock than 9 o'clock. Ted and Lily went to the club to swim at 7ish. He's training for the Ironman. In September, he will swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles and run 26.22 miles, or he won't. I say this not out of lack of support, but rather acknowledgement that this is a Herculean race. If anyone can do it, my money is on Ted. So swimming is his albatross. Lily is a fish. I love that they are working out, spending time together. Leaning on one another. Dinner can wait.

I'm coming to the conclusion that I just need to stock the frig with ready to eat/reheat items and be done with it. It's a transition though because my kids grew up with family dinner most nights of the week even when schedules were rife with homework, sports and jobs. Maybe we can have family breakfast. On Sundays. Some Sundays.

So I'll take my walk after work today and Thursday is leftover night. There are plenty of options if the fam uses their imaginations. Ted works from home tomorrow and Lils has a short day. I think I may take one too.

week ending and beginning

I was up at the crack butt of dawn again today. It's 7:30 and I already logged my miles. I'm happy to be here now to log some words. Gus is sitting here eating the cat friendly bouquet Meryl sent us. (Yes, there is such a thoughtful thing!) You could tell me there's a better way to start the day, but I wouldn't believe you. 

Driving home from the Amtrak earlier, I noticed that all my fellow travelers were wearing safety green or neon yellow. Tis' the season. There is construction on nearly every road I use and routes change by the day. It used to frustrate me, but I've since accepted it. There are bigger fish on my mind than physical infrastructure. Things like democracy and mental health and the fact that my grass is hay and it's not even summer yet.

It's a cool, misty morning so the trails were lonely. We need the rain and, truthfully, I prefer it that way: gray, temperate and quiet. I listened to the first episode of The Other Latif on the first leg of my walk and Eric Church on the second. The podcast is a good recommendation from the young people in my life. Eric Church is always a good choice. I'm starting to get excited for his show next week.

On Friday we said goodbye to my brother-in-law in a manner I know Mark would have approved of: no pomp, no circumstance. My mother-in-law has a tribe and they all showed up. They always do and I've always envied that big bursting clan. Friday I realized that these are my peeps too. The best part of the night is when the immediate family gathered around my mil's table and told Mark stories. The lights flickered a couple times. He was with us.

Saturday I realized to my core how much we're all going to miss him. We had a pizza pool party and he always loved a party. My husband and the kids (who now that I think about it are all young adults) played a very competitive game of Marco Polo. I could see Mark getting in on the fun. The two of them would have dominated and taken every opportunity to gloat about their prowess even at this stage of life.

It was hard to say goodbye Saturday eve because there is comfort in being together. Once we all go our separate ways, life goes on. How can life go on?

It can and it does. 

On Sunday Jess and I had our last musical of the season. We saw Tootsie. I cannot say I was looking forward to it, but it was light and cute and just what I needed. I came straight home after and watched AFHV and continued to lol while Mike and Lils made dinner.

Ted was back from his weekend travels first thing Monday morning. This is his second week of commuting. We're just grateful he only has to go into the city three times a week. Lils started her summer camp duties this week. She has a group of mostly sweet four and five year olds, the sweetest being Romeo, but of course. 

I'm finally starting to get in some kind of groove...a very loosey goosey groove. That's exactly the kind of routine that speaks summer: flexible, forgiving, with a focus on fun.

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A Short Post

Walking through the woods yesterday afternoon, I remembered meeting someone on the trail Tuesday morning. I came upon a man sitting on a bench with his two dogs. Not just any dogs, but schnauzers: the breed my husband grew up with. He stood as I approached and assured me that they were friendly. I noticed right away that he looked like my brother in law. He had the same build, kind eyes and friendly demeanor. He was also wearing a cap and a flannel shirt. I stopped to pet them for a minute and then wished him a good day. He watched me walk away. Something about that encounter felt familiar. I'm not saying it was Mark, but I'm also not saying it wasn't.

what if?

I couldn't get out of bed this morning. The chill in the air coming through the windows ajar made for the most glorious sleeping weather. I lost count how many times I hit snooze. It would also have been a good morning for a walk...one of those start of the day walks I was talking up just yesterday. There's always tomorrow. See how kind I am to myself.

I needed the rest and because I listened to my body, I feel great today. I came home yesterday and took my favorite kind of nap: the breeze blowing in the sounds of the neighborhood with my girl Hazel snuggled up on top of me. That nap meant I stayed up later than planned and yada yada...so it goes.

Right now it is day by day at Casa Wags. We are four adults going in fifty different directions. Dinner may be at 9 o'clock or not at all. Last night Ted stayed in Chicago and Lily was with friends so I had popcorn for dinner. Mike picked a movie that took us rather by surprise. Vengeance was a dark horse of a film that had us laughing out loud and also saying a ha. I highly recommend it as a commentary on life in this day and age. It started off really funny and then the serious undertones became less subtle.

One line spoken by Ashton Kutcher (who was great btw) stuck with me...

We trade in our entire lives for the little pieces that get recorded of us.

It's so true in this digital age. We're always capturing the moment from the outside looking in instead of savoring it. We want to save it for later. Revisit it. What about now? How many times have you been busy recording something instead of just being present? It's a good reminder to put the phone down. It really is so much better.  

Another nugget was..

Everything means everything, so nothing means anything.

Yep. If every one gets an A or everyone gets an award, what do those measures even mean? And on the flip side, if we get lost in analyzing and pulling apart every little thing for meaning, we become paralyzed...stuck. We speak in superlatives and and seek the latest and greatest. We consume without digesting: moments, milestones, meals, media. We are a nation of pleasure seeking hedonists: more more more. The bigger the better. It's not healthy, nor is it true. Some things mean something. Some things mean everything. 

And I'll get off my soap box to enjoy the rest of my day after this last one...

In my life it's all regrets. You run as fast as you can from the last regret and of course you're just running straight into the next one. That's life. It's all regrets. Everything starts with a regret. Ends with regrets. Regrets in the middle. It's all regrets. Make them count.

This one made me sad, but the last line made me smile. I think we're programmed to be hypercritical and that leads to feeling less than. Less than we are supposed to be or we are capable of being. Less than our friends and colleagues and the influencers who curate their perfect lives for us to envy. What if we just stopped listening to all the little voices? The voice in our heads or in our ears that are plugged in all the time? The voices of the people who boast or nay say or criticize? The voices that lie, taunt and invoke fear? Can you imagine how many fewer regrets you'd have?

 

Firsts and Lasts and In Betweens

 

I just returned from an early morning walk on this cool, broody day. The trail is flush with sweet smelling phlox right now. Today was day 2 of Ted's commute to Chicago for work. I was up and out of the house by 5:30 to get him to the Hiawatha. I went back and forth between going back to bed the whole way home. Obviously, the healthier choice won thanks to one beaut of a sunrise. It won today. That won't always be the case, but I'll take my small victories when warranted.

I'm not much of a morning person these days, but I swear I have the best convos with my kids in the car so I'll take my driving duties without complaint. When I picked Ted up last night, he looked so the part: grown up, professional, confident, competent. I heard all about his first day back in the office and was reminded of so many first days.

That's a bit of a touchy subject right now. My brother-in-law took his last breath less than a week ago. It was sudden and heart breaking and completely devastating for the whole family. I'm not prepared to write about the tragedy right now, but it is enough to know that we are all feeling his pain. I pray he's at peace. He was such a kind soul, selfless and good. He took care of everybody, but himself.

The sadness and regret are heavy and constant, but we are holding one another tighter and longer than usual. We're also being more thoughtful, forgiving and grateful. If that's Mark's legacy, it's one he would certainly be proud of.

I think it's worth mentioning that the weekend was full of almost as many laughs as tears. I'm well versed in the way grief presents itself as a double edged sword. The sharp pains of sadness remind us of the absolute sanctity of moments of levity. The ache of loss reminds us of the power of plenty. It wasn't an easy choice to keep our Saturday might commitment, but it was a good one. It was, after all, a full circle moment celebrating Ted and O, our accomplished graduates. They've grown up together since the very beginning. Ted joined Olivia just days after her welcome to the world. We had a special dinner at the Capital Grille and then the guys surprised us with a stop at their guy's night haunt, The Thirsty Fox. Our high brow night turned low brow and it was sort of just what we needed...Who Let the Dogs Out and grenades. Night caps and a competitive game of Quiplash back at Casa Wags was the perfect last stop.

Sunday my brother and sister-in-law came for dinner to show us the love and support we so needed. They invited us, but I wanted to be home. Keeping busy in my kitchen was a good thing. So was comfort food: Chicken Parm, pasta, garlic bread with lots of butter. We played another few rounds of Quiplash. Gus was a frequent answer, and again it was good to have some fun even in this season of sadness. We know loss because we know love. It's as simple and tragic and beautiful as that.