As Promised

Rose and I walked into the crossing over circle late and probably a little loud. The fact that we made it at all was a small miracle as I relied on my directionally challenged inner compass to guide me to our meeting spot where we shared a quick glass of wine before our send off. We would most likely have been late even if we had the time right, and well...there's no quiet when Rose and I are keeping company.

They warmly opened up the circle to make room for us, but immediately I just didn't feel the chi. I didn't feel the chi partially because I didn't know what exactly was going on. This was, after all, my virgin crossing over encounter and although I had many preconceived notions of channeling, I had little to base them on. I know now that I was also protecting myself from not hearing what I wanted to hear...from not hearing what I needed to hear...from not hearing anything at all. All along Rose assured me that my Mom and her strong personality would come through. While I wanted to believe her, I needed to shroud myself in doubt.

But here's the thing...I really am a believer. I cried a little when Jill connected with her husband, Jack. I cried tears of happiness that she had these moments with him and then sadness that although our lost loved ones are so close, they're not here. I heard myself gasp when another woman was visited by her father and then her mother. They both had poignant messages for her and suddenly she was no longer a middle aged woman, but a little girl listening to her Mommy and Daddy, hanging on their every last little word. She was being healed right before my eyes.

Rose was the one that finally asked if my Mom was present. The medium sat quietly for a minute and then said, "She's singing Rolling on the River." Now I could really reach to make that fit, but I wasn't about to. I needed a gimme, and I'm glad I held out because I got one. M. went on, "There's a wedding coming up. She wants you to know that she'll be there. She wouldn't miss it." I wish I could share the joy and love and peace I felt there in that moment. I've felt it before. Two times to be exact. The first time was when I held my son seconds after he was born. He was so calm and alert as we stared into each other's eyes and straight through each other. I saw his whole beautiful life flash before my eyes, and my heart swelled at how wholly I loved him and I understood for the very first time just how much my Mom loved me. The second time will come as no surprise. It was immediately after my daughter was born and she was placed on my chest, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat. She stopped her squealing, latched onto my finger and as we looked at each other I had this overwhelming sense that we were being reacquainted...that I had always known her...that I would always know her. In a nutshell, there are connections that I firmly believe beautifully transcend time and place.

After a feisty comment I know could only come straight out of my Mom's mouth, M. laughed as she shared that my Mom winked after she said it. Oh how I miss that wink. I laughed through my tears. My hubby wanted to know if I asked the medium to describe my Mom. I didn't need to because I knew she was there...I felt her. And then I heard what I needed to hear. M. said, "She wants you to know that she knows you miss her. She KNOWS you miss her!!!" How incredibly much that meant to me was only apparent as I prayed later that night and heard myself closing my prayer as I do every night by praying that my Mom knows how much I miss her. So I count that as a prayer answered. She KNOWS.

They know. They hear. They listen. They love. They send little (and sometimes not so little) hellos from heaven often.

The heaviness from the last week was lifted. I felt light and happy and lucky. I'm so grateful for Rose for giving me this experience. We went back to our meeting place to celebrate the living and the dead, and although HIS kingdom has no end, our night unfortunately did.