It's unsettling. Unsettling to feel alone in a room full of people. Unsettling to feel alone in a room full of people many of whom you know and love. But it happened. It happened to me yesterday and I'm feeling the residual effect today.
I miss my Mom every day. I missed her miserably yesterday. She should have been with us showering my brother's fiance, sipping Bermuda Triangles and making small talk. I'm trying to be happy, but I'm just sad and I think he is too. Last night he stopped by briefly and I flat out asked him if he had asked someone to be his best man yet. I mean the wedding is in 6 weeks. It's not a trick question. I didn't expect the answer to be controversial, and yet I almost didn't ask it scared to pry. Really...this is what our relationship has come down to?
He said he's not asking a best man and that made me sad. Sad that he doesn't think he needs people. He's isolated himself, put up walls and I just don't think that is any way to live. The saddest part is that I cannot tell him that. I can remember a time not that long ago when we talked about things that mattered. Now we talk, but really about things that don't matter much. I feel like I don't know him any more. I feel like I don't really know too many people these days though.
As the party wrapped up yesterday afternoon, I thought it was beautiful. Then I came home all by myself and I wasn't so sure. I wished my Mom was here so we could compare notes. We would have talked about every detail over a bottle of wine into the gloaming and I would have been anything, but alone as day turned to night.
See the thing is...I know I need people. I am not an island.
I miss my Mom every day. I missed her miserably yesterday. She should have been with us showering my brother's fiance, sipping Bermuda Triangles and making small talk. I'm trying to be happy, but I'm just sad and I think he is too. Last night he stopped by briefly and I flat out asked him if he had asked someone to be his best man yet. I mean the wedding is in 6 weeks. It's not a trick question. I didn't expect the answer to be controversial, and yet I almost didn't ask it scared to pry. Really...this is what our relationship has come down to?
He said he's not asking a best man and that made me sad. Sad that he doesn't think he needs people. He's isolated himself, put up walls and I just don't think that is any way to live. The saddest part is that I cannot tell him that. I can remember a time not that long ago when we talked about things that mattered. Now we talk, but really about things that don't matter much. I feel like I don't know him any more. I feel like I don't really know too many people these days though.
As the party wrapped up yesterday afternoon, I thought it was beautiful. Then I came home all by myself and I wasn't so sure. I wished my Mom was here so we could compare notes. We would have talked about every detail over a bottle of wine into the gloaming and I would have been anything, but alone as day turned to night.
See the thing is...I know I need people. I am not an island.
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