Monday, September 29, 2014

2 day pass

it was a weekend rich in kodak moments.

i took miss bit to her riding lesson on friday.
it was a glorious early fall night that admittedly felt more like summer.
after a tour of the bustling farm with my camera at the ready,
i settled in on the deck during the golden hour to watch my girl with admiral.
i had a book in hand.
 i never cracked it.
there was more magic in my purview than on any page.
 i chatted with the friendly ladies of lakeside.
the lol is a group of farm regulars and riders of various abilities.
they were celebrating the end of the season and, apparently, my lily.
they commented on her accomplished serpentine and her strong post.
i didn't confess my unfamiliarity with their terms, but instead that this was only her second lesson.
they were envious and impressed.
after her lesson, the instructor called lily a natural.
she used descriptives like comfortable and intuitive.
my girl was beaming to be told so.
saturday the boys left for football.
t. bone is a natural on this field.
they lost, but not for any lack of contribution (body or heart) on his part.
he took an advil and then went to play football with friends for the rest of the afternoon.
oh to be young.
i felt both young and old to be going out on saturday.
we had our first bowling night and that made me feel old.
bowling is something middle agers do.
i know i know.
we went to a pre party and a post party too.
now that made me feel young.
we have new partners and had much fun.
and we bowled well too.
sunday lily and i went to church.
it was just the two of us because t. bone's class was cancelled last minute.
 so we let the boys sleep in.
the sermon spoke of free will.
and the powerful words: yes and no.
it was especially timely.
the message resonated with me.
miss bit almost feinted right before communion.
it was scary to see her so anxious and white as a ghost.
even in that state, she tried nobly not to make a scene.
a little fresh air, water and a pep talk and she got the spring back in her steps.
the pink in her cheeks too.
i sent her to sunday school and then went back into the sanctuary.
i lit a candle at the precise minute of my mom's passing six years ago.
it was a special moment.
but i decided right then and there that the rest of the day would be light not weighty.
jess, lily and i made a trip to the fruit farm to pick apples.
we enjoyed the sweet sunshine and the varietals some more tart than sweet.
and even though the rules said no sampling,
we had to taste to know just what we were picking.
how could we know that jess liked the fuji, lil preferred the macintosh and i was fond of the courtlands?
we may have enough apples to get us through the winter.
unless miss bit remembers that she wants to bring some for admiral.
and all his friends.
we quick stopped at the pet store to feed the tortoises and have a few words with the birds.
then jess and i stepped out for a tributary cocktail before coming home for dinner.
it was a simple family meal.
i gave a toast, we reminisced a little, but kept the mood cheery.
and it just felt like the perfect day of honoring my mom, the beauty and significance of the day, the gifts of life, friendship and family.
it's peculiar how grief and joy can be parallel parts of the same story.
it astounds me how our woes and blessings are often threaded together to make one rich and priceless tapestry.
there are days it all depends on the lens through which i see the world-
on what i invite or say yes to..
on what i deny or say no to.
and then there are others where it feels like i have no choice at all.
not a semblance of free will.
this day i chose to wear my rosy glasses.
 i chose to feel grace for what was, gratitude for what is and appreciation for what will be.
and it felt right.