Monday, July 18, 2016

two day pass

it's that time of year when before i know it, it's the weekend again.
every day is different, and life is peppered with spontaneity.
it's hard for the type a planner i tend to be, but only when i resist it.
when i lean into the freedom, i reap the benefits of living in and for the moment.
unfortunately, something's got to give.
usually it's blogging and cleaning and sleep.
i'll survive.
so will my house and my history.

this weekend kicked off with lily's acting camp performance.
the actors gave us glimpses into what they've been devoted to the past couple weeks.
we were treated to a little improv, quite a rousing scene from hamlet and a lively lion king number.
she had the lead in a vignette during which she played a compelling autistic girl and was excited about it.
they closed the show with on broadway and i couldn't stop smiling.
she went with an old friend and they made new friends.
every year it's an all around well worth it experience.

that evening, while i was busy in the kitchen, i finished the bottle of freakshow that jess and i started the night before.
it was delish, and fitting as it seemed to perfectly sum up the people i had to deal with this week...i won't say where, but i bet you could guess.
i baked lily's now famous s'mores cookies for a family reunion mike was attending, and i put together a beach picnic for the girls all for saturday.

saturday after the boys went on their ways, the girls headed to windmill beach.
the water was warmer than it was during our midweek gloaming dinner, but still frosty and not for the faint of heart especially since the air was cooler and the westerly breeze constant.
we had a ladies lunch on the deck and spent the rest of the glorious afternoon beachside.
while i was the first one in the water wednesday, i didn't get beyond my lower extremities this time.
the girls were submerged for hours...surprisingly.
actually until their lips were blue and their teeth chattering, and still they wanted to stay.
they made friends with dogs and waves and a giant beach ball they blew up all by themselves.

we left just before gloaming and stopped for dinner on the way home.
it was the kind of day one doesn't mind lingering or lasting forever.
but it ends and too soon.
such is the fate of all good things.
i slept the sleep of the dead saturday and woke to a dreamy still sleeping house sunday.
i finished one book then picked up another and felt nothing but gratitude for quiet and coffee and other people's words.
sunday was a rough one for me...complicated, hormonal and sad.
i'll leave it at that.
the good news is that i know exactly why i felt the way i did, and it left me missing my mom something fierce.
it hurts to miss her so viscerally.
but i welcome the pain because it reminds me of what i lost and what matters.
last night, lily and i ended the weekend reading love and gelato aloud in bed.
i picked it up from the library for her and she sort of dismissed it, but we were both quickly drawn into this story about family history.
we read...we bond.
this is what matters: time, connection, intimacy, vulnerability.
this is what matters to me.

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