Wednesday, February 3, 2016

A Cloudy Day

I didn't sleep much last night.  I fell asleep on the couch for a stretch.  When I woke, I got sucked down the Tivo rabbit hole into the wee hours.  It was a waste of time that I don't feel good about, but the good thing is that I still have some energy today and I'm only on cup of coffee #1.  

I'm almost never the last one up.  Last night I was so sure I heard someone breathing outside the closed den door that I had to go to the bottom of the stairs to make sure the rest of the family was sound asleep.  They were.  Not a peep.  I sat back down and then I heard it again.  Tigger heard it too.  His ears perked up and his eyes opened wide as saucers.  He started to rise, but instead cuddled back in to the nest of afghans that he's recently claimed.  I followed his lead.

I purchased tickets this week for a psychic reading.  I've been reading about this medium the past couple days and thinking about the event that prompted this purchase.  It's the kind of story that makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and my limbs tingle, but it's not my story to tell so I won't.  It confirms what I believe about loved ones lost.  Namely, that they're not.  Jessica suggested we do this, and for her this is a great big giant step in a long road of grief. Again...not my story.  The reason I even mention this is because I've been talking and thinking about it...I've been open, and when we are, they often come through.  I don't believe in coincidence.

Speaking of through, on the news this morning several anchors mentioned it's only 45 days until spring.  That proximity doesn't satisfy me.  The big blizzard we were supposed to get turned out to be the big one that got away.  I didn't see any snowflakes.  Only rain.  Today the world outside is a miasma.  Not the kind of white out I was hoping for.

Peanut is in the back hall caterwauling.  I think he thinks he wants to go outside. The bird chorus outside his favorite perch certainly sounds like spring too so I understand his confusion.  

Do you notice the birds singing louder at the start of day?  Do you observe the day growing longer...lighter?  Does this make you heavy?  Do you consider the thin veil between life and death, the relationship between then and now, and the possibility that we're not always that adept at noticing things?

Poof Monday becomes Friday.  Voila winter eases into spring, our toddlers are teenagers and we are looking back more than we are looking forward.  Day after week after month after year, as David Foster Wallace pointed out.  And what's the alternative? as my mom liked to opine.