Tuesday, January 19, 2016


Even though today is Tuesday, it's our Monday.  We much enjoyed our long weekend, but another change in a schedule we had just become reacquainted with is a bit taxing.  Today was a rude awakening.  I didn't sleep well.  My hands, which I like to place under my cheek while I sleep, still smelled strongly of the garlic I chopped for Sunday dinner.  I'm blaming that pungent odor for my restlessness.  Even if vampires were a real threat, I'd forgo the clove of garlic.  Just sayin'.


It's frustrating when I wake early and spend the day sluggish and uninspired.  Everyone whines about how cold it is, but when the wind blows and my bones chill, I feel oddly enthralled and alive. Driving to work it was heat on heat off.  I suspect I'm nearing that season of my life.  The season of private summers and changing hormones and no more babies.  Amen.  


Driving home from school with Lily today, it occurred to me that next year she'll be one of the bigger kids in middle school.  I momentarily thought about driving off the bridge into the frozen river. I'd rather crash than drown.  Hormones.  Don't judge.  It's like I know what's coming, but I cannot for the life of me or for my sanity believe it.  Just this weekend she and her girlfriend played Pie Face and giggled like the little girls they always will be in my warmest, fondest memory.  Of course, then they went upstairs to cleanse and exfoliate lest the whipped cream clog their pores.  She was in charge of the neighbor's labs all weekend, and while she wasn't super excited about getting up early on a Saturday or Sunday morning to care for Louis and Maddie, she got straight out of bed when I woke her.  She's responsible and reliable.  I was super proud of her.


Tonight Jess asked me if I'm prepared to start making college visits.  My answer was an emphatic "No."  Please, not yet.  Who is ever prepared for them to leave?  And yet, when it's time, I will celebrate the exciting milestone with my son.  And then my daughter.  It's beyond my comprehension that Teddy is halfway through his freshman year.   He has exams this week.  Last night I quizzed him for Spanish.  I entered college with 16 college credits thanks to my success on the Spanish placement exam and I don't think I learned what he is learning his freshman year.  Sometimes I feel so yesterday.


Speaking of yesterday, it's not a day I particularly love despite the holiday for an honorable man.  My mom and I always spent MLK Day together lady lunching. Since the stock market and little else was closed, we were the only two off.  Partners in crime.  Lily was my partner yesterday.  We did a little shopping.  Her choice, not mine.  I guess her dog sitting earnings were begging to be spent.  Thanks to China, oil prices, Walmart and a kitchen remodel, I'm feeling much less rich than Roosevelt these days.  We met Teddy, my brother and sil for lunch.  The boys saw The Revenant.  I'm surprised they could eat.  But it was really nice and being together sort of eased my melancholy...it shifted my focus.


Tomorrow I'm off again.  I'll take the last tree down...the big one, and probably have a few words with my mom while doing so.  A few tears too.  I'll likely read some more of the various books I'm reading now.  The stand out is Dear Mr. You.  Earlier today I read Dear Orderly and I nodded so adamantly through my tears that my neck is now sore and my eyes out of focus even with my cheaters. I'm adding Mary Louise Parker to my who to invite to dinner list.  


I'm a list lover.  I keep them for everything.  Everywhere.  Grocery lists, wish lists, project lists, to read lists, to do lists, places to go lists.  Soon I'll be adding a things to do for college list.  On top of it will be get therapy STAT.