Wednesday, January 14, 2015

2 day pass

for a weekend that held few commitments,
it felt rather full.
i can see i'm existing between polarities.
on one hand, all i want is to sit and soak up the silence...
to put myself in neutral.
on the other, i have this overwhelming urge to kick things into gear and (insert any number of verbs here).
the whole ping pong routine - hurry up and get lots done so you can enjoy doing little - is not my idea of peace.
that's because there is always something more that begs doing.
i find myself questioning what is enough?
i dislike that e word almost as much as the b word...(busy).
suffice it to say that the house is dechristmased, closets are getting organized, lily's new desk is primed and well on the road to beauty, and clearly the doing is winning over the being.
and those are all worthy tasks, but what truly inspires me are the moments i spend before dawn on the frozen beach watching the sun rise and feeling its warmth even in winter, and losing myself for patches of time with a mug of tea and a book...this weekend the compelling Euphoria, and taking the girls to lunch while eavesdropping on their easy conversation, and making big plates of spaghetti and meatballs for the boys after a day of skiing and before a night of open gym, and shopping around the italian market with mike admiring ingredients we might use one day, and gathering together in my dad's great room to watch the packers win.
it's all about finding that balance...
that happy place between being and doing, doing for others and doing for oneself...
between togetherness and solitude...
between observing and creating...
between looking out and looking in.
finding that balance and then maintaining it.