Tuesday, December 4, 2012

December Cusp

When I woke up yesterday I couldn't see across the street.  Overnight a thick shroud of fog moved in.  It made the world look hazy like a lingering dream just beyond retrieval.  This physical obscurity was the perfect metaphor for my morning mood.  The visual fuzziness a trope for my emotional dimness. I actually find comfort when the weather...the world around me...reflects my tenor.  It is a free pass to be as I feel.  No sun shining bright calling me to smile.  Few birds singing sweetly coaxing me to be light.  I listened to
Winter Song on my way to work.  It's one of my favorite songs of the season.  Bareilles's lyrics mirrored my mindset just like the low hanging clouds.  She crooned.  I cried. 
This is my winter song
December never felt so wrong
Cause you're not where you belong
Inside my arms

This is my winter song to you
The storm is coming soon
It rolls in from the sea

Tears falling because December does feel so wrong.  Not feeling joy or the desire to seek cheer is anti December.  I don't want to simply weather the storm that is Christmas...I want to embrace it with arms open and heart wide.  I don't want it to wash over me.  I don't want to say I survived.  I want to behold it with each of my senses.
I still believe in summer days
The seasons always change
And life will find a way

Soon it will be winter on the calendar at least, yet Coach and I were caught in a deluge a few blocks into our walk last night.  He told me that if the temperature was below freezing, we'd be getting lots of snow.  It was 60 moist degrees out...on December 3rd!  I couldn't help, but think that this driving rain should be snow...a paralyzing blizzard sounding about right.

This morning the skies were clearing and the temperatures dropping a few degrees.  On the way to school, Miss Bit was weary with the weather too.  She whined, "I don't like this spring weather.  It's winter.  I want winter."

There's a chance of snow next week, but we'll take it day by day...the daily forecast, December, the desires of the heart, the needs of the soul.

Bum bum bum bum, bum bum bum bum
Bum bum, bum bum bum, bum
Bum bum, bum bum bum bum    

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