Wednesday, March 18, 2015

March Inventory

Reading All The Light We Cannot See.  It was a haunting, but beautiful story.  The kind that you read and find yourself changed for good and forever. It was rich in heart and soul and conflict.  Conflict of character and plot. WWII is the setting.  I think that Doerr has proven himself to be a master of characterization and description once again.  I felt like I knew these people and was walking the streets of Saint-Malo or Zollverein along with them.   I so appreciated the short chapters seeing as how it was a more lyrical work. I can see this on the big screen without doubt.  I'm also reading Alexandra Fuller's Leaving Before the Rains Come and The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous and Smart About Money by Ron Lieber.  Fuller writes a most compelling memoir.  I've read her other two.  Lieber's book comes highly recommended.

Wondering what the next stage of my life is going to look like.  What I want it to look like, and then how to create that vision.

Noticing so much about what exactly makes me tick, and how these things both help and hinder me.

Watching Secrets and Lies despite the fact that it is chock full of plot absurdities and cliches, and devoid of nuances that would lead to a more believable story with richer characters.  Also The Slap, which has it's own cast of cardboard characters, but sometimes (like after a long day) bad television is good.  Lily and I saw Cinderella Friday after school.  And sometimes the happily ever after fairy tales promise is just what we need after a long week.  Platitudes along with an extra large tub of popcorn.  A simple message like: Have courage.  Be kind. may be just what we need to hear even if our step mothers aren't evil and we don't believe in magic or fairy god mothers.  For the record though, I would claim Helena Bonham Carter as my very own fairy god mother IRL.  Before Cinderella, a Frozen short was played.  Lily was almost more excited by that and the news that there will be a Frozen II than by the featured film.  I, on the other hand, don't remember much of Frozen the first or the very difference between Elsa and Anna.  Yet I know the Frozen fever is alive and burning for women of all ages, which is to say young girls and their mothers.  The fairy tale is an archetype that isn't going anywhere soon despite the fact that they are more romantic delusion than diversion, and I'm OK with that.  Last night we watched Foxcatcher.  It put me to sleep.  It was loooong and slow.

Listening to the last couple episodes of Serial.  I 100% think Jay is not telling the truth, and that he could have killed Hai.  I'm also still loving the Parenthood cd I mixed.  I have songs from Dylan, The Lumineers, Eddie Vedder, Ray LaMontagne, Amos Lee and Richie Havens to name just a few.

Eating the first grilled meats of the year.  Burgers, dogs and chicken all in one weekend.  Shepherd's Pie and soda bread on St. Pat's Day.  It was my second attempt at soda bread this month.  The first, a new recipe, ended up in the trash.  I made my trusted recipe last night and it was better than ever.

Drinking a Nutty Irishman last night for dessert.  (That may be partially responsible for putting me to sleep during Foxcatcher.)

Feeling unsettled.  Overwhelmed too.  Change...any change...even the change of seasons, and especially winter to spring, leaves me feeling out of sorts.  Akimbo.  But I know it just takes time. As simple as it sounds, I remind myself to  Right here right now. Not to worry about what is passing or what is in my purview.  Just to focus on the present.  The day, the hour, the moment, and then it feels possible.

Wanting to get the summer all planned.  It would be such a load off to figure out camps and lessons and summer school and a sitter.  All of the uncertainty of the upcoming 12 weeks only adds to my fractured feelings.  See here I go again.  I'm a work in progress.

Wearing my Mom's shamrock scarf yesterday.  No jacket most days.  Flip flops soon.  New walking shoes now.

Hoping we can get our summer trip planned.

Thinking that I emphatically know the answer to this question: Don’t you want to be alive before you die? All The Light We Cannot See lingers in the way only the very best books do.

Enjoying being able to take a walk after work with Mike.  Monday it looked, smelled and felt like summer. The longer days.  The tulips Jess brought me when she came for dinner Saturday night.

Loving watching Dancing With The Stars with Lily.  She voted for Noah Galloway, Patti Labelle, Robert Herjavec and Willow Shields.  Those ballots tell you all you need to know about my girl. That after 3 years and just before we get rid of it, Teddy is now starting to use the trampoline.  Of course, he thinks we need a new one! He kept calling me out to video his new tricks the other night while I was in the middle of making dinner.  My first instinct was to say, "In a minute."  It irks me to no end when they say that to me so I tried to be patient and present while he flung himself into the air again and again to do back flips and cork screws.  We all need an audience at times.