Mom Rant

Last night was Lil's first softball game of the season. It was a bone chilling, wind off the lake six innings. I had on my spring jacket, but I was wrapped in a wool blanket. It was a little surreal to be sitting in the stands with so many fans. I'd call it a reunion. I eventually remembered how to be social. I haven't seen some of these people in almost two years. Once the awkwardness of gathering and cheering through masks faded, the feeling of comradery took hold. Walking back to the car, Mike and I both commented on how good it felt. Our endorphins were elevated and we didn't even exert ourselves.

Lily didn't exert herself much either because she didn't start. Her bat is off. It's one of the struggles of playing golf and softball...swing confusion. She's not happy about it, but her attitude is still positive. That's my girl. There are like 30 games in the next 6 weeks. She's got some work to do, but I've got no doubt she'll earn more play time. Too much work right now with school, ACTs and AP exams too. I worry about her.

She left from the field to go to church for reconciliation. I sure hope that time with Father Tim brought her some peace. When she got home at 8:30 after leaving the house at 7 that morning, I had dinner waiting. It's all I could do. She ate every bite of her pizza stuffed pepper and even a couple bread sticks. 

And it's not all I can do. I've been giving extra hugs and listening and indulging her in a little retail therapy. We went in search of a confirmation dress last weekend. I wasn't too excited because she has a closet filled with worn once or never worn dresses, but I get her desire for something for the occasion. Then to my amazement, the very first dress she tried on was THE dress, which didn't mean we stopped shopping, but it was much less stressful. 

Truthfully, I'm looking forward to summer vacation for my girl so she can decompress and have more fun. She's already said that she wants to spend lots of time at the beach this summer and that sounds like an excellent plan as far as I'm concerned. It's a happy place and we can all use some more of that.

 

Work in Progress

It's full on snowing right now. I'm surrounded by disgusted people. I think, but don't say, this is April fools! What do you expect? In my mind, there are so many other things to find fault with. The weather seems like a total cop out for blame.

I was hopeful that the verdict delivered yesterday would lead to healing, but it's only ramped things up. The vitriol is creating divides deeper than ever. It scares me. It saddens me. It also makes me angry. 

I needed to take a break so I surprised Mike with a date to the movies. We thought we were going to see the Oscar nominated shorts in all categories, but the viewing was the animated shorts. At first I was disappointed because I'm a sucker for a documentary, but in hindsight it was the perfect diversion. And the popcorn always a treat. Not to say that all the films were happy or uplifting, but I truly enjoyed about half of them. There were a couple I failed to understand at all. And that's okay too. There were three other people in the theater.

We could see our breaths on the way to the car because April. And once home we curled up in the family room to watch Nomadland, another Oscar contender. Although it's fiction, it felt more like a documentary. In fact, Swankie, Linda May and Bob Wells play themselves. They're not actors, but for me they were the highlights of the film. I don't ever want to live in a van, and I feel grateful that I don't have to.

I stayed up too late and then I slept in this morning. I slept in this morning after putting it in writing here yesterday my intent to start getting up earlier. Apparently, I am a work in progress just like this country.  

Weekending and Beginning

I started a new book last night. I wanted to stay in bed on this chilly, gray morning with Sanitorium, but I managed to get up and get in a before work sweat and my breakfast of celery juice. It was a good choice. I'm feeling more upbeat and energized. I'm definitely feeling the need to start going to bed and getting up earlier. I think a shift in my schedule is overdue. It's another one of those things I know is good for me, and yet I resist. Sometimes I find myself utterly frustrating.

Like on Friday. I cut out of work early afternoon with the intention of getting in a long workout to kickoff the weekend. It was a good plan. Instead I pissed away hours I cannot even account for and then I completely lost my initiative when my brother dropped in for a visit.

I made up for it Saturday though. I added intensity and distance to my workout, which I smartly planned while Lily was taking the ACT. It's her elliptical now since she runs 5 miles on it each and every day. I have to plan my time around her. I could learn much from her commitment. She came home mentally exhausted and physically ravenous, and still she worked out. Five hour standardized tests are no joke, and not something I feel fondly for. Luckily, Uncle B Bone dropped off a stash of his Buffalo Chicken Burritos. They are Lily's favorite and they perked her up.

We hosted a game night Saturday because I was missing friends. I kept the menu simple so that we would not have to fuss. I did Buffalo Chicken and Meatball Sliders, a roasted broccoli salad with arugula and a horseradishy dressing that I saw Alex Guarnaschelli make earlier in the day, and waffle fries two ways: sweet and russet potato. So yes, simple, but not ordinary. I've been into trying new recipes lately with good results. I have some keepers to add to my repertoire. Probably not the broccoli salad though. Horseradish is hard. We played a competitive game of Fish Bowl. Girls versus boys. Pete's facial expressions were entertaining. The words were a tribute to the times: Cobra Kai, Shots in Arms, Quarantine and Binge Watch were all in the bowl. Both Jess and Sue came with wine. La Linda wine is gracing my table again for sure. It made me smile. It was a late night. Lils left to hang out with a friend and was surprised we were all still at it when she returned. And for the record, I was beyond overjoyed that she got out to have a little fun.

Sunday was a very lazy day around Casa Wags. Think hangovers both vino and ACT. It was a lounge and watch movies day...nothing particularly worth mentioning, but just the right speed for my speed. I motivated to marinate some chicken and make a gratin for dinner during which we played a family game of cards I dominated.

It was all good, yet at the onset of the week, I'm feeling a little meh. And to bring it all full circle, that's where self-care comes in. I know what I need to do and not do. I do. 

Grateful Friday

 Today I give thanks for...

Calling it a week early today. I don't take my flexibility for granted. It's just one of the things I love about my job.

Spring storms.

Two new soups in my repertoire. I made a new Thai Chicken Soup that's a delicious combo of sweet and heat with the fresno and jalapeno peppers balanced out by sweet potato, pea pods and coconut milk. The fresh squeezed lime on top brightened it all up. Then I made a Wonton Soup that was a brothy bowl of happiness and heat because that's what we like. I made the dumplings because they needed to be ground chicken and those are hard to find. I'm always skeptical that a soup can be made and enjoyed the same day. I have the old school notion about lots of long stirring and time for the flavors to marry, but I must confess both these soups packed depth of flavor after an hour on the stove.

Organizing my recipe binders this week.

 I still haven't spotted the pileated woodpecker, but this guy has been hanging around the yard.

A new phone. It was time and the transition has been a smooth one.

Access to my pictures again. 

Easter cake.

Easter baskets...the teenage version.

Lils Easter dinner. No ham for her.

Ted's Easter tall order... a stack of Grandpa's pancakes.

Tri color tulips.

More reading this week. I finished Isabel Gillies's second memoir today. It was entertaining, but it was not exactly the love story hinted at. It was more about the year between losing and finding love again. I stopped at the library on my way home today to pick up a book that came in. I'll start Sanatorium tonight.

These are a few of my standout favorites.

Downtown.

Top Chef Portland. Don't laugh, but I love to watch it when I'm on the elliptical.

 

Game night with Pete and Sue tomorrow.

 

weekending

I'm getting accustomed to come what may. Accustomed as in I like the freedom and spontaneity that comes with being light on plans. Don't get me wrong...I like being social and going and doing, but I also enjoy the leisure of this new life. And it may not change for me much all too soon because I am not comfortable with these vaccines that really are not a vaccines, but rather experimental biological gene therapies without any long-term safety results. More on that another time because right now I want to prattle on about happier things.

Things like Friday night happy hour with my brother and sil. They brought noshies and handhelds from the club and Mike made two homemade pizzas and we caught up on their recent travels and current events. It was a good night of cocktails and conversation, and it was long overdue.

Things like lots of time with Lils over the weekend at her request. We had not one, but two movie nights, a nice long walk through the park, and a game of golf. Mike talked us into watching Gran Torino on Saturday. He'd seen it and knew we would approve, and he was right. Clint Eastwood was perfect in this role. His character reminds me of someone I know and love who is the biggest softie on the inside despite exterior appearances. And don't we all know someone like that? Lils picked Parasite for Sunday. I have to say that I enjoyed it as much the second time around subtitles and all.

 It really felt like spring: cool nights and pleasant days. There were people everywhere in the park biking, walking, fishing, playing ball and even two old codgers sitting in lawn chairs with a couple afternoon beers and I thought for a moment about joining their party.

Things like being the first one up on Sunday morning and sitting in the peace and quiet of a still sleeping house with my book. A book I've been slogging through because my attention span for reading right now is non-existent. Then I finally got to that sweet spot where I'm anxious to see how this all ends. In a few pages, I'm on to my next book. It's thrilling to get to choose what's next.

Things like turning a pork shoulder into a rich ragu I want to share with everyone I know, and getting inspiration from my favorites on the Food Network. I made Ree's Stuffed Chicken Alfredo Shells. The recipe was delicious, but unbelievably rich so I had a healthy serving of spinach on the side. I'll make it again, but try and make less of a mess in the process. It's one of those one pan dinners that requires every pan during prep. Mike fired up the grill Sunday night. It made me fast forward to warm nights on the patio. Also to the improvements I plan to make there. This pandemic has left me with such a discerning eye.

Things like taking down the wallpaper in the master bath. It's the last to go at Casa Wags and truthfully it was fine, but fine no longer works. The job was tiring. It was so good to be able to finish it this weekend. Now the real fun begins: picking out colors and accessories. The inexpensive transformation.

Things like sleeping in to carry on with a dream I don't want to end, a second cup of extra creamy coffee, time to weed in the yard and wash the kitchen floor with vinegar and a few drops of lavender oil I can still smell days later. Clean laundry, a deep conditioning hair mask and writing words with a pen on paper.

I know...I know I sound like a broken record, but I want to remember how the ordinary is extraordinary if my mind is in the right place. That is a place of gratitude and humility and presence. It's my daily mission to make the most of whatever comes my way.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Thunderstorms. I slept with the window ajar after a late night's storm and I woke to the smell of petrichor. A whiff of that in the air takes me straight back to childhood.

Old memories.

New memories.

Good memories.

My Easter cake. I'm a baker, but I'm not much of a decorator. I lack the patience for fussy. I have to say that I was pretty proud of the way the Malted Vanilla Cake with Coconut Buttercream looked, but I was even more pleased with the taste. I turned the frosting robin egg blue and then I used brown food coloring and a paint brush to make it look speckled. I used phyllo dough to make a nest and then I filled it with candy eggs.

My husband for trouble shooting with Apple about my frozen phone. That lead to a reset which means I lose all my pictures. Most are backed up on my computer. Not the pictures from the last week including that cake and Easter. It's a first world problem.

Inspiration for a quick master bedroom sprucing. After clearing out over half the linen closet, I started searching for a new duvet. That will lead to new pillows, lamps and a new painting. I wasn't planning on this, but the master tends to be the last on the long list of to dos, and it shouldn't be. It's our sanctuary.

Vision boards and wish-lists.

Fresh starts. Candace invited me over Tuesday to see her new place. She closed that day and demo was starting the next. We sipped champs and talked colors and layouts. I left her with a little inspiration. I'm so excited for her and Pat because 301 has amazing light and very good chi.

A new soup recipe this week. Thai Chicken Soup gets a big fat A. It was relatively easy and healthy too...chock full of red pepper, snow peas and sweet potato.

Soon I'll be able to get my veggies from the farmer market.

Yellowstone season 3.

I'm still light on the news. I'm catching tidbits, and that's plenty.

We had a busy week at work!

Happy hour with my brother and sil tonight.

But first a workout.

Weekending

I'm still recovering from the weekend. And yes, it's Thursday. It was busier than we are currently accustomed to and it was picture perfect spring. The birds are really belting out their vernal songs and everything is greening up. I'm not ready for full on heat and humidity yet, but everyone else seems so happy that I'm just going with it because we've already had some of both. Ted was beyond excited to get out on the golf course Friday and Lils has been practicing on the new turf soft ball fields for the last week. We had our first thunder storm last night. It was brief, but powerful.

We had such a nice time at dinner on the east side Friday night. The restaurant was quiet, but we weren't. We had our own cozy dining room and the waiter's full attention. The chef's too. Ted made friends with both. The food was about average save for dessert, yet we all agreed that didn't matter because we had such a good time: lively conversation and a couple delicious and generous pours. I got talked out of my go to favorite dish in favor of an arborio crusted walleye. I knew better because my favorite walleye is served at River Wildlife. Still I wavered and then caved. At least, Kyle kindly brought me a plump side scallop. I didn't share and we always share. We left happy that we carved out the time to go out for the evening together. It's a Good Friday tradition. Ted taught us a new card game when we got home and we are all hooked. It was a Good Friday indeed.

I slept in Saturday. I didn't mean to and I prefer not to, but sometimes I need to. Ted was off with friends most of the day rock climbing (his new passion), getting Thai food, working out and watching the final 4. The rest of us did our usual Saturday stuff which included some variation of work...house, yard and home, and work outs too. It was a quiet night at Casa Wags in anticipation of Easter Sunday and a long day of church and family.

Sunday was a good long day. I was so looking forward to mass with my 3. It was not as crowded or as festive as usual, but still it filled my heart to be there. I made camel's eyes for brunch when we got home and the kids discovered their baskets, not hidden, but still full of surprises and just a little candy. These days they prefer Starbuck's cards, and pricey tinctures and beauty products. We were due at my parents' at 3 o'clock and for once we were on time. That's a holy miracle. It was such a beautiful day that we were able to sit out on the deck to visit and bird watch. My aunt and uncle joined us and that made the day even better. The kids took Bodi to the back fields on the trails and he was so happy to be hanging out with his kids. He was like a puppy again. Dinner was a feast. We had a honey baked ham and all the fixings, and then my dad played short order cook. He made Lily her own chicken and Ted a massive plate of pancakes and eggs as requested. My dad, he understands that #foodismemories. We stayed later than we should have for a school night, but it was one of those days that's so good, you just don't want it to come to an end. We all ended up in the sun room after dark watching the menagerie of animals come to get dinner. We missed the coyote, but we saw racoon, turkey, possum and several deer. My dad, he is Snow White's cousin.

Monday morning came too soon, the day dragged and then Ted requested championship game calzones for he and his buddies that evening. I wanted to, but could not bring myself to say no. It meant a trip to the grocery and a lot of prep, but it was his last supper before returning to campus for his last month of sophomore year. And his friends are pretty great guys. And one of the things I'm really working on is saying yes when it matters and no when it doesn't. It turns out that's quite a satisfying approach.

Tomorrow is Friday. So glad.

This is 16 Going on 17

 

Lately I find myself thinking and saying Lily is 17, and then I instantly get panicky until I catch myself: she's only 16. Only 16? I think I age her because she's such a mature young lady. So mature that I am starting to feel the trepidation of what is to come: college. As hard as it was to cross that bridge with Ted, I just know this is going to be even more difficult because she's my baby. And it goes without saying that when the time comes, I will feel excitement for her going out into the world. It'll be one of the bazillion happysad moments mothers know so well.

It seems like yesterday Lily was boarding the school bus for her first day of K4 wearing an apple ensemble from Gymboree. Senior year is looming. I'm hopeful that it will be a normal year of activities and sporting events and dances. Fun. The isolation forced upon these kids has had lasting effects. Yes, even for my well adjusted, positive thinking daughter.

I was so proud of her for speaking up about wanting to play first base. Coach put her there this week after telling her that she is one of the most versatile players on the team. He also let her know that she has some of the best grades on the team. She's dedicated in all endeavors. Right now my three are watching the Brewer game. Spring fever.

 

She got word this week that camp is on this summer and she will be employed as a counselor.  That's a good thing too because she likes to shop and frequent Starbucks like most girls her age: 16 not 17.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

The sun is shining. 

Ted is home for a long weekend.

Family dinner plus Jess (who is family) last night. Mike made pineapple margaritas with jalapeno. So yummy! He also chopped and grilled the fixings for fajitas. It was a Thursday night treat.

Lots of time with Lils this week.

Yesterday we went for nails. She got a pretty Easter colored French manicure. I got my toes done. It was the first time since fall and long overdue. It felt like heaven and I was so appreciate for the extra care the nail tech gave my sorry feet.

The other day she met Grandma for lunch and a facial.

And Monday I took the afternoon off to take her to the outlet mall. We both had a bit of success. On the way home, we surprised Grandma and Grandpa with a visit. We arrived home exhausted after dark to find Mike making us tacos for dinner.

A sassy new beach hat.

Reserves at a favorite restaurant tonight. They're finally open. Cannot wait for scallops for dinner.

The crew that cut down our trees barely left a twig on our lawn. I'm sad to be down two trees, and I know we need to replace the tree in the front yard, but we'll take our time and do research.

Painting projects on the horizon. The dining room once I decide on a color and our bathroom as soon as I take down the wall paper. 

Purging half the linen closet.

A family trail walk on a beautiful weeknight.

Peace, love and understanding.

Grace.

Almost 21

I have to share a Teddy funny. He called me the other evening to ask how long to roast carrots. He purchased a "huge" steak at the market and was going to sear it in his cast iron skillet. He was hungry for a nice not chicken meal. He kept raving about the size and the price of this "steak" so I had to know what it was. A bottom roast, he revealed. I felt terrible telling him that it wouldn't be dinner that night unless he wanted to eat at 10 o'clock. Last night Chef Ted seasoned it, seared it and then slow cooked it in red wine and water. He didn't have any onions or broth. Teddy proclaimed his "steak" dinner Gordon Ramsey-esque. I love that this son of mine can and will cook.

He's on his way home for Easter weekend. He convinced his buddy to pick him up. He's practicing the skills he's learned in this semester's negotiations class. Mike will drive him back with clean laundry and groceries. It's the drill. The semester is winding down. In 5 weeks, he'll be a junior. It is up in the air where he will be studying next year. I'm praying he stays in Madison, but I will support him if he feels the call to follow a different path. 

Ted has countless plans and dreams. Schemes too. He knows what he wants and he always works hard to succeed. He's been intensely driven since he was just a little shaver. There's no way I cannot get behind that. So we wait to find out what the business school decides, and are reminded that living in the moment is a must. We learn the power of patience and faith when things are out of our hands. We submit to every teachable moment, and boy are they everywhere.

He'll be home this summer. He has a paid internship that will be remote. It's yet another experience strangely altered by this pandemic. I'm looking forward to a full Casa Wags again. Every time the four of us are together again for an extended period, I think this may be the last. Knowing that #yearsareminutes only prompts me to make the most of the time we have right now.

Weekending

Lils is on spring break so this last stretch of days has been busy with goings and doings. Apparently, she is THE only one of her friends that is not on a beach somewhere. I thought she was exaggerating, but then I scouted out her Instagram and it was one picture after another of classmates in bikinis. I will never get these scantily clad selfies and I don't much get spring break especially now when we are still advised not to travel. I'm over the pandemic and I'm sick of being told what to do, but I think we're so close to getting through this that a couple more months of sacrifice seems smart.

We lived on the edge and went out to eat with my in laws Friday night. We haven't seen them for any QT since Christmas, but they're both vaccinated now. We had a great visit and dinner at Harvey Moy's was such a treat from the egg drop soup to the lychees with cherries, and everything in between. My fortune read, You have a charming way with words and should write a book. That's the best message I've received in my cookie ever.

Saturday I was up earlier than I get up for work during the week to volunteer at a local food pantry. Lils needs service hours for National Honor Society, and Mike and I joined her. It was my first time working the pantry. Shamefully, I confess that the rest of my family has taken turns. It was THE most rewarding way to spend a Saturday morning. Even though it was cold and rainy, my heart felt warm. It was crazy busy. I take that as a sign of the times. It was a lesson in humility, gratitude and grace.

Lils and I went to the grocery store early afternoon and it felt gluttonous to look at our cart when we'd just fulfilled smaller orders for larger families. It's so very good to be reminded of our good fortune and ability to increase those of others. It was impossible to get warm all day so we decided to cozy in for a pizza and movie night. Homemade pizza is a Casa Wags favorite. Movie nights too although I couldn't tell you what we watched.

Palm Sunday is one of my favorites every year. Hearing the Passion gets me in the right frame of mind for Holy Week. We took the long way home. Lake Michigan was showy on the broody day. Lils and I bundled up to take a long walk in the park late afternoon. I could have skipped it so I'm lucky she's always a cheerleader because a day with a walk is always a better day. I promised her Spanish Sheet Pan Chicken for dinner and it's great for leftovers all week. I tucked in early with a new book after a kind of perfect weekend.

And here we are...it's almost the weekend again. I will have a short day today so I can do something with my girl and I'm off tomorrow. Ted comes home this afternoon so it will be a full weekend of family and I couldn't be more grateful.