Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Bringing back this weekly gratitude post. I have missed it.

A good morning. I started off with this stack because I just finished Apples Never Fall, which was light and entertaining. From Top to bottom: a gift from my bil, because I saw and very much liked the movie, a gift from my son, a gift to myself, and a gift from my mil.

Then I ran errands: a trip to the jeweler I've been putting off, Trader Joe, Target, Total Wine and the library. Now I don't have to leave the house until Sunday. Have to being the operative words.

The Dark Chocolate Valentine Heart cookies from Trader Joe's, Target had the wet food the kittens like, Total Wine has everything (it was my first visit) and the library is my happy place.

Sumo oranges even though they are $$$$.

A successful surgery for my frister. This weekend I will be busy making her some meals to ease her recovery, which so far is going quite well.

Lily started her new job this week and she's really loving it. Now she has crazy co-worker stories.

She's also enjoying working out at the club after work. Last night she was in the company of 5 girlfriends.

She will hear from Madison any day. 

Ted wants to write a book together.

It warmed up enough yesterday for a midday walk with my guy.

Tickets for Mean Girls this weekend. We bundled up last weekend, drove downtown, paid for parking and then realized we were a week early. Better than a week late. We had a good laugh.

Casseroles. They never much appealed to me because most of them are big on condensed soups, but I've been dabbling in some updated recipes and they have not disappointed. Chrissy Teigen's Sourdough Jack Hamburger Helper was surprisingly delicious. Next week I'm making Damarris's Tuna Casserole from The Beat Bobby Flay cookbook Lils gave me for Christmas.

And these breakfast baguettes that were Ted's last meal. He called them ridiculous.

Clean sheets and my guy for offering to put them on solo while I caught up on a show. 

We blew straight through Ozark. We have no willpower where the Byrdes are concerned.

I started Maid and I'm hooked. Alex's character is impossible not to root for.

Girls Night In. Mike went out to watch the Badger game last night but sweet Hazel kept me company.

 This gang.

 

End of January

 

We lost power very early this very cold morning. The coldest of the year. It always surprises me that the complete absence of sound can be so sonorous. I was woken by the silence. I forced myself out from under my layers of flannel and down to take a look at the street. It was black. We weren't alone. There is comfort in that.

I notified the electric company and tried to get back to sleep, but it was too quiet. Then Mike's phone sounded an alert. I didn't know until morning that a cop shooter was on the loose. This year is starting out with record violence and it's been so cold. Bitter temps are usually a deterrent. I shake my head in disbelief and disgust at this world we are living in. And yet I keep going day after day.

I've noticed that the light is lingering at the end of the day. The minutes have lazily added up to an extra hour and it's suddenly apparent. So much of life is lived in this liminal space. Slowly and then all at once we notice the change. A slight shift becomes a transformation, a subtle variation a reconstruction. I wonder what it would be like to experience all of life through a time lapse lens. So much is imperceptible to the human eye. We simply miss it.

I don't know if it's my age or my stage, but I am feeling the tenuousness of time more than usual. That's a lot because I'm always aware of its fast, fleeting nature. It's my intention to live all the days of my life. That doesn't mean doing big things and reaching lofty goals day in and day out. It means being present. Prescient. Purposeful. Prone.

I've long said that the little things matter big. Just like the minutes of expanding daylight, the small acts that make up our days, well, they make up our lives. 

Weekending

It's Tuesday, but it feels like Monday. Yesterday was a snow day. A lost day. Lost in the best sense of the word. Today it's 8 balmy degrees even with the sunshine and I'm trying to keep warm sipping my chai latte. I just heard from Teddy who returned after a month on the very last day before classes. He had his first tax class this morning and he said it was awesome. This is good news. Last night we texted while we watched the next episode of Ozark in our separate living rooms. It was hard to see him go. I've so enjoyed his company and the heart of our full house the last few weeks. Mike even commented on how quiet the house was this morning.

I'm also fast forwarding to next fall when Lils will be out in the world too. I don't see that as being an easy transition for this mama bear. She's my baby girl.

We had a good last weekend all of us together. We finished the first season of Ted Lasso and started Ozark. We played Sequence and Wizard. We did lots of shopping to restock Ted's refrig and his pantry. I also cooked up a storm to send him back with a stash of ready made comfort food: granola two ways, a hot dish, bbq chicken and a huge bowl of my spicy chicken ramen.

Ted went to the Packer playoff game Saturday and didn't get back to Windmill Beach until the wee hours. That's what prompted him to delay his return from Sunday to Monday, a delay I was quite pleased about. I was convinced I spotted my son and my brother in the Lambeau crowd, but it was their doppelgangers. What are the odds that their lookalikes were also together? My bil joined us for the game. Mike grilled wings and I made skins and we were perfectly happy to watch the game on the large screen tv in the warm family room. Well, not perfectly as it was a major letdown and a most disappointing end to the season, but it's only football.

Lily enjoyed a restful post-exam weekend. She killed her assessments. She did a little shopping, some hanging out with friends and family time too. She starts her new job at the club today and she's anxious for January 31st, when she'll find out about Madison. Fingers are double and triple crossed.

These deep winter days are among my favorite. There is a peace and quiet that comes over me like a warm blanket. I don't feel the need to go and do. I'm happy to stay and be. Yes, it's cold and often snowy, but my house is warm and the world looks serene cloaked in white. It's a good time to shut out the wide world and focus on what's inside.

 

Windmill Beach Winter Olympics Weekending

This week has gotten away from me. I've been an introvert preferring the company of my books and my kittens. It's Ted's last week home. I thought he had one more so now I'm feeling a little cheated even though he's been home for a month. Never enough time and that's why I'm grateful we celebrated our annual winter Olympics at Windmill Beach last weekend. WB is best in summer, but winter is a close second because, as you can see, it's still beautiful and the cabin is cozy. An ice shelf formed over night so the Polar Plunge had to be cancelled. I was going to forfeit that event for sure. Although our water lover, Lily, was disappointed.

On the way up to the lake it was snowing lightly and the flurries continued for much of the day. The dancing flakes made me happy. We started our events early this year so we were able to get them all in on Saturday. We brought back shuffleboard, golf, the ball toss and Wizard, which I took gold in. Introduced this year was Sequence. It's a new family favorite.

The events are always entertaining, but the best part is coming together for a weekend and making memories. That never gets old.

Sunday we bundled up for a trail hike at River Wildlife. We saw lots of wildlife...herds of deer, a bald eagle and a pileated woodpecker none of which were scared away by our raucous banter about Loyal Walking Stick, cold pop, bronchitis, recombobulation and farfegnugen.

We warmed up at the cozy cabin in the woods where we stopped for a hearty lunch. The guys went trapshooting and the girls headed home for mid-afternoon naps after our meal. It was hard to get up and go home. We were tempted to stay one more night, but we missed our kitties and knew they would be so happy to see us. They were.

Dear Theodore,

 

I'm a little late with this important birthday letter because I've been pondering what it is that I want to say. Twenty-one is a milestone birthday and not just because you can legally go to a bar and order a beer (although you might order a wine). It's a big birthday because you are now an adult. Yes, legally that is the reality at 18, but now it is clear to me that it is also true. It's true in that I feel like you are forging your own path, making your own connections and decisions, and planning for your future. Sure you still consult me and dad about the big stuff, but less and less. We will be a part of your future...an important part...but your circle and experiences will continue to expand beyond us. We are at the point where the lessons we wanted to teach you and the values we wanted to instill in you have taken hold. Not to say our job is done, but it feels a little like that is the case. I will say that we have done a good job, for the record. 

I think it's fitting on the horizon of your adulthood to remind you of 21 of what I consider the most important life lessons. Most you live, many you've mastered and all of them we can all do well to remember.

 1. Cultivate wisdom, lead with compassion and act with courage. Be open to new ideas and alternative viewpoints, champion the underdog and stand up for what is right.

2. Be confident in who you are and have pride in your accomplishments, but be careful not to be arrogant or prideful. And remember that everyone we meet can teach us something about life even if is what to not do or say...how not to act or live. Something valuable. Everyone is a blessing or a lesson.

3. Remember to keep God in your life. Pray. He can hear you wherever you are. You are always welcome in any church anywhere anytime.

4. Family is forever. Yes, even when they make you crazy.  Remember who and where you came from. Come home, call home and call your grandparents. They won't be here forever and some day you will miss them terribly. Your aunts and uncles are cool people who you can learn much from. Keep those relationships strong. Cousins are like extra siblings. And then there are those bonus angels in your life that we adopted along the way. Keep them all close.

5. Home is a safe place to fall. It is where we relax, recharge and reconnect. You always have a home wherever we are and you are welcome anytime.

6. Your sister is your friend. Some day she may be your best friend. No one knows you like she does. No one looks up to you like she does. No one has your back like she does. She is the person who has the most common life experiences you do. When mom and dad are gone, you will still have each other. Stay connected. You'll be grateful. And if you don't, I may haunt you.

7. Admit when you're wrong and apologize. Saying I'm sorry doesn't make you weak. It makes you accountable, trustworthy. It feels good too. Forgive yourself when warranted.

8. The truth matters. Have conviction. Speak about it. There are rights and wrongs in this world despite the trend toward moral ambiguity. Don't be afraid to hold yourself and others to those standards. 

9. Help out when you can and expect nothing in return. Help your dad rake leaves, unload the dishwasher, lend Grandpa a hand at a task that's getting to be to much for him, assist a neighbor, a stranger.

10. Be grateful for your beautiful life and say thank you when warranted, always write thank you notes and practice random acts of kindness. It truly makes the world a better place.

11. Gifts are just that so receive them graciously. People give what they can and want. Any form of  generosity should always be acknowledged genuinely.

12. Give more than you receive. Not just things and money, but your time, your compassion, your understanding, your kindness, compliments, affirmations, smiles, hugs, I love yous.

13. Listen. You cannot hear if you are always talking or if you always have music blaring through your ear buds.

14. Work hard. Play hard. Study hard. Sleep enough. Eat well. Sweat. There is a time for everything. The best life is a life in balance.

15. Your body is a temple. Respect it. Take care of it. Listen to it. Do not let anyone else disrespect it. Do not do drugs. So many people say just this once and then live a life of regret.

16. Be kind to animals and remember they are a lot of work, but they make a house a home. Extend that kindness to all living things especially the elderly and children.

17. Character always trumps status. Relationships trump things. Live with a kind and open heart.

18. Respect women. No means no. Be a gentleman. That doesn't necessarily mean open every door or pay every bill. It means be reliable, honest, genuine, yourself.

19. Save more than you spend. Invest. Be fiscally responsible. Live within your means.

20. Honor family rituals and traditions. They are a source of comfort and joy. They are what create our unique and shared history. 

21. Be happy. It sounds cliché, but that really is the most important thing dad and I have ever wished for you: to find and live your passions.

That was much easier than I thought. I probably could have come up with 21 more.

I love you Teddy. So does dad. We will always be your biggest champions. We are so blessed to be your parents and we love you unconditionally and forever.

Mom (and Dad)

 

Presence and Gratitude

 

It's only Wednesday, but I'm ready to call it a good week. Ted is feeling some relief after a clove oil treatment yesterday. He was able to workout and eat real food for dinner. He missed meat the past 5 days and  enjoyed the turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy that Mike made for dinner last night. I did too especially after a walk around the neighborhood after dark. The temperatures were on the rise, but the wind was brutal. I didn't warm up until I took an extra long, extra hot shower and curled up under covers to read with Hazel.

I finished Beautiful World, Where I You. I was looking forward to this read and thinking it would be a strong start to 2022, but it didn't deliver for me. I sort of despised all of the characters, but Felix the most. There was nothing redeemable about him except his kindness to a dog. Alice, Eileen and Simon were just pathetic. The emails between the women were too long and preachy so boring and annoying. One could argue the ending was happy, but I couldn't feel the feels. I've never read Sally Rooney before. I don't think I will again.

I picked up Liane Moriarity's Apples Never Fall and fell into it. That proves I'm not a book snob. This is just pure entertaining chick lit, which definitely has its time and place. Apparently that place is mid January. I forced myself to turn my lights out at a decent hour hoping to get up early for a workout, but I didn't sleep well. Mike was snoring so I moved into Ted's room in the wee hours. He was asleep on the couch. And then Gus came to visit me when he heard my alarm. He was all snuggles and purrs. I couldn't bring myself to leave him because of the three, he's the most catlike, which is to say aloof. When he wants lovin, he gets it. He is impossible to resist. So is the warmth of bed in the middle of January. And my knee is sore. That's a new affliction I'm not happy about, but I'm not complaining too much either because I have a constant complainer in my life and daily I get to hear about her never ending list of ailments.

I threw my hair in a bun, made a turkey sandwich on hearty wheat bread for lunch and now I'm headed to work very aware and appreciative of the little things that matter big. The act of coming here always reminds me to be.here.now and to be grateful.

 

Sunday Sunday

It's Sunday morning. Actually afternoon. Pete and Sue came for dinner last night and it was a late one. After our lasagna feast, I poured limoncello and made Grasshoppers for dessert. Those boozy drinks brought back childhood memories and while we reminisced a little, we toasted the new year and vowed to take another trip to Mexico. Maybe not this year, but next.

The guys are channel changing between basketball, golf and football. Ted is convalescing after Thursdays extraction of his wisdom teeth. Yes, we got one of those post-sedation videos. Right now he's still in a lot of pain, but he'll laugh at it some day. He's eating malts, mashed potatoes and scrambled eggs. Last night I made panna cotta because I cannot feed him that awful pudding in a cup. I secretly love being able to take care of him...baby him. I think he likes that too.

There are many things I could and should do today, but I'm not going to. Instead, I plan to curl up with my stack of books and a cat or two or three. I promised Ted a batch of extra creamy mac & cheese for dinner. I'll finish the bottle of wine Sue and I opened last night because there'll be no weekday wine in the foreseeable future. I'll see if Candace wants to come over and help me. I'm pretty sure we'll cue up a movie after dark. And I'm certain I'll sleep well tonight.

 

Wednesday

 

This morning the snow is falling, the geese are flying and I'm cozy warm in my wool and my sherpa slippers. Yes, I can wear my slippers at work. I took the long way and took my time getting to work on the snowy streets not because they were slippery, but because I was enjoying the scenery. I have always been a winter person. I'm also a summer and a fall person. Spring is for the birds.

I came home from work with a bad mood yesterday. The headache that was the last two years is carrying on into 2022...at least in my industry and I suspect yours too. And it's not just supply chain driven. I find that people have gotten cavalier on one hand. I hear a lot of that's just the way it is. While it's true, we've had to adapt, pivot, make do, it's not an excuse for poor service, laziness, complacency. The vibe is that we are powerless or maybe just fat and happy and unable, unwilling to be a part of the solution to maximize the new normal. We're such good little lemmings towing the line. So cavalier on one hand and helpless on the other.

Never mind. I didn't come here to bitch about work. I just wanted to come here and write. I was grateful my guy poured me a glass of wine and sat by the Christmas tree with me while I decompressed. I am going to miss this skinny little fir, if and when, I do take it down. Luckily, I get to keep the guy.

Last night I had a dream about Amy. She was in town to visit me for the weekend, but I didn't know about it until I saw her at a family gathering. Like my whole family...living and dead. I felt like the worst friend to have wasted precious time with her. It was all heartbreaking.

I think it's the reason why I sent a happy birthday message this morning to a friend I have been estranged from. I haven't seen or talked to her since her birthday last year. The friendship was feeling very one-sided. My feelings were bruised. I stopped reaching out and that was that. It's taken me 365 days and a dream about an angel friend to get beyond my feelings. My, my, my. Me me me. I don't expect a response, but if I get one, that will be nice.

New Year

 

The post holiday blahs have set in. They didn't hit me until yesterday. I love the week between Christmas and New Year. Time feels suspended, slow, still full of magic. It's seven days bookended between the two holidays and that makes it special.

It was a good call to take off the week. I needed it. I enjoyed it. There was a great deal of relaxation at home and that was fine by me. The kids planned a family date to the art museum ready to get back out in the world. That choice surprised and delighted me. We stopped for fancy coffees and then did our annual light tour along Lake Drive. We were a few days late, but better late than never. 

On NYE day, Lils and I got our nails done. I splurged for the fancy pedicure with scrubs and masks and it was so well worth it. It seemed like a good day to treat ourselves.

It was a low key NYE with Ted who was recovering from a bug. We made a nice dinner, watched a good movie and I was asleep before midnight. I woke up when Lily brought the party home to our basement at 12:30. Gus was the crowd favorite, but that's no surprise. The kids left at 3 o'clock. I was wide awake and wired until 4 o'clock.

New Year's Day I made two batches of soup and waited for the snow to fly. It never really did, at least not to the levels promised. I'm ready for a good blizzard. There is a snow advisory tonight. Fingers crossed.

I'm still mulling over resolutions, or rather, intentions. I prefer that word as it sounds more hopeful. My word for the year is light in its many translations: illuminated, incandescent, effervescent, airy, bright, undimmed, shiny, warm and witty. There are more, but you get the idea.

It was a rough Monday back at it yesterday so I went easy on myself at the end of the day. After a comforting pot of Chicken and Broccoli with Rice, I gave my self permission to retire with Hazel and my books. She was particularly snuggly. I think she knew I needed it. At light's out, Finn came in and was chattering and rooting around. He wanted prime spot under the covers in my arms. Finn usually gets what he wants.

This is a week of transition and I'm taking it one day at a time.