Dear Theodore,

 

I'm a little late with this important birthday letter because I've been pondering what it is that I want to say. Twenty-one is a milestone birthday and not just because you can legally go to a bar and order a beer (although you might order a wine). It's a big birthday because you are now an adult. Yes, legally that is the reality at 18, but now it is clear to me that it is also true. It's true in that I feel like you are forging your own path, making your own connections and decisions, and planning for your future. Sure you still consult me and dad about the big stuff, but less and less. We will be a part of your future...an important part...but your circle and experiences will continue to expand beyond us. We are at the point where the lessons we wanted to teach you and the values we wanted to instill in you have taken hold. Not to say our job is done, but it feels a little like that is the case. I will say that we have done a good job, for the record. 

I think it's fitting on the horizon of your adulthood to remind you of 21 of what I consider the most important life lessons. Most you live, many you've mastered and all of them we can all do well to remember.

 1. Cultivate wisdom, lead with compassion and act with courage. Be open to new ideas and alternative viewpoints, champion the underdog and stand up for what is right.

2. Be confident in who you are and have pride in your accomplishments, but be careful not to be arrogant or prideful. And remember that everyone we meet can teach us something about life even if is what to not do or say...how not to act or live. Something valuable. Everyone is a blessing or a lesson.

3. Remember to keep God in your life. Pray. He can hear you wherever you are. You are always welcome in any church anywhere anytime.

4. Family is forever. Yes, even when they make you crazy.  Remember who and where you came from. Come home, call home and call your grandparents. They won't be here forever and some day you will miss them terribly. Your aunts and uncles are cool people who you can learn much from. Keep those relationships strong. Cousins are like extra siblings. And then there are those bonus angels in your life that we adopted along the way. Keep them all close.

5. Home is a safe place to fall. It is where we relax, recharge and reconnect. You always have a home wherever we are and you are welcome anytime.

6. Your sister is your friend. Some day she may be your best friend. No one knows you like she does. No one looks up to you like she does. No one has your back like she does. She is the person who has the most common life experiences you do. When mom and dad are gone, you will still have each other. Stay connected. You'll be grateful. And if you don't, I may haunt you.

7. Admit when you're wrong and apologize. Saying I'm sorry doesn't make you weak. It makes you accountable, trustworthy. It feels good too. Forgive yourself when warranted.

8. The truth matters. Have conviction. Speak about it. There are rights and wrongs in this world despite the trend toward moral ambiguity. Don't be afraid to hold yourself and others to those standards. 

9. Help out when you can and expect nothing in return. Help your dad rake leaves, unload the dishwasher, lend Grandpa a hand at a task that's getting to be to much for him, assist a neighbor, a stranger.

10. Be grateful for your beautiful life and say thank you when warranted, always write thank you notes and practice random acts of kindness. It truly makes the world a better place.

11. Gifts are just that so receive them graciously. People give what they can and want. Any form of  generosity should always be acknowledged genuinely.

12. Give more than you receive. Not just things and money, but your time, your compassion, your understanding, your kindness, compliments, affirmations, smiles, hugs, I love yous.

13. Listen. You cannot hear if you are always talking or if you always have music blaring through your ear buds.

14. Work hard. Play hard. Study hard. Sleep enough. Eat well. Sweat. There is a time for everything. The best life is a life in balance.

15. Your body is a temple. Respect it. Take care of it. Listen to it. Do not let anyone else disrespect it. Do not do drugs. So many people say just this once and then live a life of regret.

16. Be kind to animals and remember they are a lot of work, but they make a house a home. Extend that kindness to all living things especially the elderly and children.

17. Character always trumps status. Relationships trump things. Live with a kind and open heart.

18. Respect women. No means no. Be a gentleman. That doesn't necessarily mean open every door or pay every bill. It means be reliable, honest, genuine, yourself.

19. Save more than you spend. Invest. Be fiscally responsible. Live within your means.

20. Honor family rituals and traditions. They are a source of comfort and joy. They are what create our unique and shared history. 

21. Be happy. It sounds cliché, but that really is the most important thing dad and I have ever wished for you: to find and live your passions.

That was much easier than I thought. I probably could have come up with 21 more.

I love you Teddy. So does dad. We will always be your biggest champions. We are so blessed to be your parents and we love you unconditionally and forever.

Mom (and Dad)