weekending

these few scenes from the weekend about some it up.

it was a quintessential summer weekend.

we opened up all the windows and doors, and spent all day saturday in the yard planting and playing.

planting flowers and herbs and playing with kapuchi.

we aimed to tire her out before taking her home to her empty house.

we succeeded.

lily was tired too.

she confessed that she's a tried and true cat person at heart.

that while she loves dogs, they're a lot of work.

yes, even the adorable 4 pound versions.

sunday morning we ventured to the softball field for a game.

kapuchi almost stole the show, but it's really hard to compete with a game-ending triple play that involved our first base woman.

it was a beautiful morning for a victory.

mike harvested some peppers from his father's day plants and made a very fresh salsa.

both saturday and sunday he grilled and i prepared simple sides.

the caprese tortellini tasted exactly like summer.

ted and his buddy even took seconds.

he spent the bulk of his time at his happy place.

ted worked at the golf course and played on the golf course.

this was the kind of weekend that i would like more of in the coming months.

please.

thank you.

Downriver

The first thing I did when I rolled out a bed a little after 7 this morning was to open all the windows and doors. The air smelled like long ago, but not far away. I've always lived along this river. The sweet scent of dew and clover is what brought me here to share this memory of Humboldt Boulevard. On early summer mornings just like this, we'd open the front and back doors and a perfumed breeze would blow through the house. I'd be on Mrs. K. watch because first thing she'd fill all the bird feeders behind our protective gates. She was our landlord who lived in the mansion on the property. Of course, it wasn't a mansion by today's standards, but it was much larger and grander than our shaker sided box. Spending time with Mrs. K. was one of my favorite things to do when I was a little girl. She was as old as I was young and as fragile as I was sturdy. We both had white hair. Well, mine was blond. She always had her's pulled back in a tidy chignon and she only wore dresses and aprons. I adored helping her. She smiled with her eyes and laughed at all the things I said. I can still hear that laugh too. It was reserved and breathless. Often she'd reward me with a treat afterward, but time with her was the only prize I was seeking. Sometimes it was a scoop of the creamiest chocolate ice-scream, others it was a scrapbook session in her kitchen with Fanny her black and white bunny, and if I was truly lucky, it was a walk down to the river. The whole way she'd vacillate between pointing out beauties and dangers. She was afraid I'd venture down to the water's edge alone and get hurt or fall in. I'm pretty sure I only disobeyed her a handful of times and not because I was scared. Only because I didn't want to disappoint her.

The trails seemed so dense, long and steep when I was a kid. I wonder what it would be like to travel along them today. Would they be as I remember them, or would they be thin, short and flat?

We moved across the river when I was ten and my brother was seven. I remember how sad we all were to be leaving our colorful compound, but especially Mrs. Kay. At the same time I was excited to be getting my own room and going to a neighborhood school. In the weeks before we left, she always looked on the verge of tears. My mom reassured her that we were close and would come visit often, but we didn't. I think she already knew that our returns would be few and far between. She watched us grow up and then had to watch us go away.

I only recall returning a single time. My new bff, Megan, and I rode our bikes across the river and showed up unannounced. I wanted to show my friend the magic that was where I grew up. I missed it and I told her all about the trails and the raspberry bushes and the koi pond and my Mrs. K.

The photos below were taken by Mr. K. He had a fancy camera and was often snapping shots of me for my mom. I don't have a single photograph of Mrs. K., yet I haven't forgotten a single thing about her.

The irises were almost as tall as I was.

 It was a happy place...

 to grow up.

 In Mr. K's chair. That's a bust of him on the table beside me. On the other side was a huge picture window overlooking the bluff and the river.

This was my favorite area in their house. The koi pond continued from the yard into the house and the wall behind me was lined with built in fish tanks.

On my front porch. I started feeding the critters at an early age.

Mr. K. thought himself somewhat of a Hemmingway. I was obviously intrigued.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

This cool, gray morning. It perfectly invites my morning ritual of coffee and books. I finished The Light We Lost today. It was a quick, entertaining story that I would definitely recommend to anyone looking for a vacation companion. I felt that the characters were a little flat and annoyingly privileged and the story was mostly predictable, but it kept my attention. I doubt I'll be thinking about it in a week, but not every book has to leave a lasting impression.

A memoir in my pile and two books I've been anxiously waiting for at the library waiting for me.

It's officially summer despite the fact it's been almost chilly these past few days. I'm not one to complain about reprieves. We were in the 90s over the weekend so this actually feels good.

On the night of the solstice, we had a quintessential summer bbq. Mike pulled off some tasty ribs, I made homemade mac and cheese and we enjoyed some of the sweetest corn of the season. Never mind that we didn't sit down to eat until 8:30. Ribs take time. The morning after, Ted had a big plate of leftovers for breakfast. I made him pancakes for dinner. Anything goes in summer.

Like custard for lunch with this cutie.

I was able to send Teddy off to his golf tournament with a warm breakfast. He faced a day of chilly rain and didn't play as well as he hoped.

Summer blooms.

  

Lily got up to walk with me one morning. She loves the trails as much as I do. We didn't last long in the woods though. They paths were muddy and the mosquitoes voracious. I still loved having her in stride.

Another morning I crossed paths with a lone deer. She was curious of me and calm until I went for my camera. Then she made a beeline for the woods and disappeared into the brush.

Something my aunt did for me this week that was so unexpected and generous and thoughtful it reduced me to tears. 

Plans to road trip to Michigan later this summer.

Lily landed a 10 day dog sitting job. She's quite smitten with Capucci. She's also got cat sitting next week.

Ted did some landscaping for my brother yesterday and he caddies today. He's also picking up an application to be a pizza delivery guy.

The Affair is back on. I was not sure I liked how last season ended. I did like how this season started.

I experienced a technology boom this week. I had my first and then second video conference, I became acquainted with Google Docs and I finally got Spotify on my phone.

Iced tea.

father's day weekending

We lost 30 degrees in the last 24 hours. It was in the 90s over the weekend. It's in the 60s this morning. When the front came through yesterday mid-day, it turned day to night in seconds. The skies became ominously dark until they lit up with a spectacular show of lightning. Torrential rain followed. It fell in sheets and puddles that swelled all along the streets. The deluge felt a bit like a cleansing. A release. That it was a metaphor for my life right now was not lost on me.

Ted was caught mid-round in the rain at a course north of us. He came home, changed and headed west after checking out the radar. They weren't spared for long. His second attempt was cut short too. There was no third. His YOLO attitude didn't go unnoticed as he recounted the adventures of his day while he stripped in the kitchen. I want to be that fearless and free.

We lost power in the middle of the night. It was but a brief quietude that in which the absence of sound was almost jarring. It's so quiet it's loud. There really is no other way to describe it despite the fact it seems impossible to be both at once.

I walked into the family room this morning to find the strand of Christmas lights outlining the patio door in a blinking frenzy. I'd forgotten they were even there. Ted blamed the loss of power. Perhaps, a surge. I kept it to myself that I too believed they were ignited by energy, just not the kind we think we understand. I stood there watching them very much feeling there was a message I was meant to decipher in their modulation.

It was a good weekend celebrating fathers and softball. The weekend was rather consumed by a tournament. It's perfect really because my guy loves coaching the ladies. They love him too. He's the cool coach with lots of game cred and a new bag of seeds every time. After their well-earned win Friday night, he told me that victory had already made his weekend. They went 2 for 2 and kept us all entertained for 3 days. Even Teddy came to a couple games. I asked him to come with me Saturday and he agreed. We sat like lone soldiers in foul territory along the third base line and he protected us from ill-timed hits. He talked incessantly about wanting to just have one at bat. Then he got up at one point to give his little sister some batting advise. All the ladies turned their attention on him as he approached the dugout. It made me chuckle. Without suggestion or demand, he showed up again for Sunday's sweltering game after a round of golf.  I think he misses his baseball days just a little. He's not alone.

It was a family weekend. The best kind. Both sets of grandparents and my brother and sil showed up for games. My in-laws then joined us for a celebratory Father's Day lunch after Saturday's victory. After a loss Sunday, we hosted again. I made choriqueso, which is a favorite of my dad's. The guys played crib and then we grilled burgers and dogs. We lingered around the table playing a family game of meme that had us all in fits of laughter. It was a mostly good day. My dad was last to leave. He insisted on doing the dishes. Even the plastic plates I used because they were throw away. He was definitely channeling his inner Rosie. My grandmother was notorious for saving everything. I must admit that the time we spent tidying the kitchen was the closest I felt to him all day. Things are finally healing and for that I'm grateful. After my dad sped off into the night in his cute convertible (which, of course, reminds me of my mom), we gave the dad of our house his gifts. Lily picked out a trio of hot pepper plants and a month's supply of seeds. Ted gave him a Brewer's shirt and then invited him to a game - tix. on Ted. I gave him a golf shirt and shorts. He was properly revered for all that he is and does for this family.

The house was tuckered out after a weekend of early mornings and long steamy days so everyone tucked in as soon as they could. I sat in the dark processing the day. I find myself doing this more and more, and I'm not so sure it does any good to pick things apart, but it's the way I make peace so that I too can sleep soundly. I have to sit with my feelings to temper them and put them to rest.

Teddy's in a tournament today. It's cold and rainy. Not ideal conditions, but he'll weather the storm. I'm getting better and better at doing that too. 

There are always bright spots. I'll leave you with just a few.

On My Mind Monday

Forget Me Nots...my favorite.

I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind's door at 4 a.m. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, and who is going to make amends. We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget.

Joan Didion

On Keeping a Notebook

On My Mind Monday

Travel isn't always pretty. It isn't always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that's okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully, you leave something good behind too.

~ Anthony Bourdain

RIP chef and culture seeker. This place will be less compassionate and colorful now that you're gone.

Next Stop: Nicolet High

For the past month or so, Lily has been ready and excited for high school. She didn't seem sad or scared. I think her positive attitude rubbed off on me. Nostalgia can rule my emotions especially at times like this, but I found myself looking ahead eagerly instead of behind longingly. I won't lie and say I wasn't surprised by both of our mind sets, but it was a good surprise. And yes, I should have known better.

After the lovely ceremony and dance Thursday night, the finality of this promotion hit her hard. She came home with a heavy heart and wet eyes. All I could do was listen. She needed to feel all the feels. She didn't need fixing. Everything she was saying was fresh and familiar from this same time in my life decades ago. I could still tap into that particular loss, those fears and regrets. I let her exhaust her tears because grief is a healing process that must begin to end. 

The healing started before bed that night and the excitement will build again gradually. Grief will linger...likely forever, but the sweet starts to temper the bitter. It will be a dance. Delicate at times. Daunting at others, but ultimately delicious. She'll always have a special place in her heart for this place and time, for the safety and the familiarity of the known. Expectations are changing, the curriculum will be more rigorous, more independence is expected, a large part of the population will be new, and everything is just a little more serious. That's a lot of pressure, but I know the kind of student, friend and citizen she is and I know she will bloom brighter, connect strongly, grow leaps, travel far.

Truthfully, when I watched the procession, I was blown away by how mature they all looked. Especially the girls. Some of the boys looked like much younger siblings, but we know girls mature faster and also have the benefit of make-up. Well, benefit may be a strong word. Lily wore a little mascara and lipstick, and she had a pretty manicure. She was radiant. The speeches were eloquent and also impactful. One classmate talked about being present, another about overcoming obstacles and the last about defining their own futures. They all agreed that this beginning was another beginnings end. I started to feel verklempt myself because, of course, it's true. Things won't be the same again. They may be better, but different is always scary even with promising skies on the bright horizon.

She walked across the stage, accepted her diploma, shook hands. No one tripped. Not even the girls wearing heels for the first time. Amen. They all sort of made a made dash of a recessional. It was as if they couldn't wait for what was to come, but there were already some tears and plenty of nerves that likely sped the pace. She smiled coyly at our almost full aisle of family calling her name. She's blessed...we're blessed...to have such a loyal cheering section. We gave her hugs and high fives and took some pictures before leaving her with her friends for their final farewell.

The rest of us came home to Casa Wags where we toasted the grad, tasted my version of strawberry shortcake, and looked at old pictures of Lily all the while confirming that indeed years are minutes.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Stevie Wonder's Don't You Worry About a Thing just came on and I am dancing in my chair here thinking that nothing's going to bother me today.

Promotions. Last night we celebrated Lily's graduation from 8th grade. I have 100 pictures and at least 1000 words to share about the night...the journey. It seems like nano seconds. One day I was sending her to kindergarten and the next to high school. Time is just such a relentless tease.

She's sleeping in this morning after an emotional night. There was singing and dancing and lots of silly selfies at the dance, but there were also tears. At the end of the party, the realization hit them: this chapter is ending.

After Teddy's global exam, junior year will be history. So he's about 90 minutes and 1800 words away from senior year.

The smell of fresh-cut lilacs. I only wish they would last longer or forever.

Summer baking. It's a thing. I have to say that these s'more cookies were kinda perfection and skillet cookies are always a fam favorite. Last night's strawberry shortcake was definitely company worthy. The grandparents seemed to very much enjoy it with generous scoops of vanilla custard. It was my dinner with a glass of rose.

Full moons, the gloaming and bald eagles, and all in one zen capture. A postcard of some of my favorite things.

True love.

She was over the moon about the new bat we got her for graduation. The Easton Ghost is THE bat. She's been in the backyard every night taking her 100 swings. 

Okay now Billy Joel's Just The Way You Are is on and I can hear and feel that my mom is here. Of course she is. She wouldn't miss Lily's big day. I was just too busy and distracted to get that last night. Thanks for not giving up on me mom...I couldn't love you any better.

Friends. I got a call from a friend this week. She needed to talk about some tough stuff. Stuff I get because I've been beside her most of our lives. She's truly one of the best people I am blessed to have in my life and it hurts me that she's hurting, but it honors me that she trusts me with her feelings. She knows I'll be gentle with them and honest with her.

Trail walks. First the woods greened up, and now they are being taken over by colorful wild flowers. The strong stench of garlic mustard is over-powered now by the sweet smell of buttercups, phlox and asters. Ducklings swim in mossy creeks, chipmunks hurry into holes right under my feet, and the only trace of deer are their tracks left overnight. I'm so close to home and also a million miles away. Isn't that just the beauty of it: losing and then finding yourself once again?

This rico suave bathroom attendant who assumed his perch during my dinner party.

This guy who keeps the clean laundry company until I can fold it. Casa Wags would be a house not a home without this tandem duo...our ginger goofballs.

Culinary inspiration in hostess gifts. Spices are one of my true love languages.

My back door beggars. They just want to get outside. They are patio cats at heart.

On the Wings of Love just came on. I'm done. I've got to go and talk to my mom.