Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Summer Vacation IRL

Wake at 7:33.  No complaints here folks: that's sleeping in.
Phone rings at 7:34.
It's T. Bone.  He needs to be picked up at the club because they don't need caddies until the tournament at 1:00 the afternoon.  A tournament I am quite sure has been scheduled since he caddied last over the weekend. Never mind that Coach got up early to get him to the caddie shack.  It's summer...he loves to work longer hours.
7:40 Wake Lily for camp knowing it is unlikely she set her alarm, and take my coffee to go. Put on my new Rickie Lee Jones cd as I embark on my first route of the day.
8:00 Drop Ted off at home and head out with Lily to pick up her friend E. for camp.
8:30 Buy a bottle of bug repellent and spray the girls down.  Never mind, that I have no less than 4 brand new bottles at home.
9:15 Decide to get out on the trails before I am summoned to chauffeur again. Put a new battery in my audio book...this is just the kind of day I can see my battery dying mid miles and I am so not taking any chances.
10:30 Wait for Teddy to get off Mine Craft so I can edit some pictures and blog.  Funny how I'm rarely able to use MY computer these days.
11:00 Make Teddy lunch before taking him back to the club.  Funny how he claims not to be hungry until I offer to make him a sandwich, and agree to toast the bread and melt the cheese for him too.
11:50 Drop Teddy at the club in one direction and pick up the girls from camp in another while listening to RLJ again.  Her latest album is already becoming familiar.
12:30 Make Lily a chicken taco for lunch because she doesn't eat sandwiches unless they are served on toasted Sciortino's rolls lightly buttered and sprinkled with garlic salt and filled with real, not processed, meat.
12:00 Clean up the kitchen before thinking to make myself something to eat.  Get an ice water instead, which reminds me to water the flowers the kids are supposed to be tending to every day because they look severely parched.
1:30 Get a call from Teddy that even though he was the third caddie logged, he didn't get a bag and can I please come pick him up stat.
1:40 I do along with my girl RLJ.
1:55 Turn around and back track to the club because he left his favorite sweatshirt in the shack.
2:10 Realize I'm starving now.  Grab a handful of almonds and a glass of iced tea as I'm summoned to chauffeur again. Since Ted cannot caddie, he decides to play nine.  He makes plans with a friend and I drive in the opposite direction of the course to pick said friend up.
2:30 Drop the guys off and realize that they are, in fact, full blown guys now and soon will be able to drive.  There is a God!
3:00 Take Lily shopping for craft projects while the boys golf because I promised earlier in the day.  I say yes to all three projects because I have three 40% off coupons.  All three of her crafts are excluded from said offer, and of course they are, but I buy them anyway.
3:10 Decide that I deserve and also desperately need a pedicure. Lil shows me her feet, and of course she does as well so we sit side by side and I enjoy the silence and pampering so completely for 40 minutes that she questions whether or not I have fallen asleep.
3:55  She bumps her big green toe because she's moving her feet under the drier in simulation with the racing game she's playing on her I Touch.  The same I Touch she tried to leave as a tip for the deserving nail tech (you should have seen her toes!  He may have deserved it!)
3:56 She marches back over to him at my insistence and politely asks him to fix it because she can sense my blood pressure elevating dangerously.  Of course he does and that costs me because now we must give him an even bigger tip.
4:00 I get a text that the boys are done and to pick them up stat.
4:02 I nick my blue toe getting into the car, but I cannot go back to fix it because I have no more cash or time.
4:20 We arrive at the course and must wait for them to finish their putting challenge and I realize that I have learned all 11 tracks of my new RLJ album in time for next week's show.  Bonus!
4:30 We stop for ice cream at the same place we stopped yesterday because "Oh my God today's flavors are Butterfinger and Grasshopper Fudge and THE-BEST-EVER" and really what kind of Mom denies the kids a treat right before dinner?!?
4:32 Ted asks for a double scoop because how is he to choose, and I'm ashamed to admit I acquiesce because I am simply without words at this point, and beyond the point of wanting a cone of my own.  He may as well have mine!
4:45 The empty light comes on in my car on the way home, which should not be a surprise as all I did was drive here and there all day long.  That and the fact that I am now sick of my new RLJ cd are proof that I need to hang up my keys for the day.
5:00 I pour the last glass of wine from the bottle I almost didn't open the day before and sit in silence paralyzed.
6:00 I open another bottle and start dinner, which I may be too tired to eat when it's served.
And that folks is summer vacation in real life.