We did not lounge around all day yesterday and we certainly did not start watching a 3 hour movie at 4:00. That did not mean that we didn't even start dinner until 7:00. The kids did not have to eat dinner, shower and then go straight to bed!
We did not forget to spring forward when we went to bed Saturday night and then oversleep and miss Sunday school and church.
Despite the fact that I scheduled my massage for an hour earlier than last time, I did not arrive home only seconds before my daughter's school bus once again because I sure didn't stop for a latte on the way home.
I did not get so engrossed in dressing up my daughter's American Girl dolls that I didn't even hear my girl talking to me...playing with me.
There is no way I paid $35 for my son to get his hair trimmed.
My college roomie did not call me at work the other day and we did not proceed to talk for almost an hour because we haven't talked in months.
I did not invite my friend over Friday night to celebrate the fact that the market was only down half a percent.
I did not perform worse humdingers than my niece and nephew who weren't even born when the songs were popular during our games of Cranium this weekend. I did not get laughed at by a 13 and a 15 year old.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Friday, March 6, 2009
100 Years
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmoE8_U-JTw&feature=PlayList&p=4EFD1BCC1688FF37&index=0&playnext=1
Every day's a new day...I love that and I have always loved this song! I never knew who sang it, but then the other day I was going through some of my Mom's cds and I found a Five For Fighting cd. Something made me pop it in the cd player...lo and behold...this song.
This is more than a coincidence. You see, any music my Mom owned that wasn't either Motown or R&B, I gave her. I know I didn't give her this cd. I do feel she gave me this song when I really needed it.
Every day's a new day...I love that and I have always loved this song! I never knew who sang it, but then the other day I was going through some of my Mom's cds and I found a Five For Fighting cd. Something made me pop it in the cd player...lo and behold...this song.
This is more than a coincidence. You see, any music my Mom owned that wasn't either Motown or R&B, I gave her. I know I didn't give her this cd. I do feel she gave me this song when I really needed it.
In Search of Meaning
The last book I read was in August when we spent a week at the lake. After our trip, I pretty much moved in with my Mom to spend as much time as possible with her and to take the best possible care of her. With what was going on in my world, it was impossible for me to find the energy to escape into other lives and realms. I have really missed reading.
I was lying on my bed the other day perusing the titles lining the shelves beside my bed. I was drawn to The Red Tent. I know I started Anita Diamant's novel years ago, but I'm not certain that I ever finished it, which is almost unheard of for me. Once I spent 2 years reading East of Eden. There were times I wanted to give up and had to read something else, but I did finally finish and I liked it...a lot. This quote struck me a single page into The Red Tent:
I do feel a palpable pull to remember my Mom and a duty to honor and celebrate the wondeful woman that she was, and I think there is a good reason I chose this book this time from the hundreds of titles on my shelves. There's always a reason, and when I uncover it, I will surely share it here.
I was lying on my bed the other day perusing the titles lining the shelves beside my bed. I was drawn to The Red Tent. I know I started Anita Diamant's novel years ago, but I'm not certain that I ever finished it, which is almost unheard of for me. Once I spent 2 years reading East of Eden. There were times I wanted to give up and had to read something else, but I did finally finish and I liked it...a lot. This quote struck me a single page into The Red Tent:
If you want to understand any woman you must first ask about her mother and thenI guess that makes me incrediby strong. And then I read further:
listen carefully....The more a daughter knows the details of her mother's
life -
without flinching or whining - the stronger the daughter.
But the other reason woman wanted daughters was to keep their memories
alive.
I do feel a palpable pull to remember my Mom and a duty to honor and celebrate the wondeful woman that she was, and I think there is a good reason I chose this book this time from the hundreds of titles on my shelves. There's always a reason, and when I uncover it, I will surely share it here.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Queen of Rationalization is Having a Crisis of Conscience
Today has been perfect in every way...a day filled with many bonuses. My husband started the pancakes that I promised my kids before he left for work because I overslept. My massage was heavenly. Auriel spent at least an hour and a half with me and I scheduled another session in a few weeks. The mailman delivered a package from my accountant with better than expected news. My daughter and I went for a hike after lunch and enjoyed the fresh air, sunshine and conversation. We have a craft project planned for when the big kids get home from school. So what is my crisis?
Well...I had plans to end my perfect day with one of my favorite workouts (aforementioned kick butt cardio class) and now my sil has invited me over for a glass of wine. Sharing a bottle of wine is a tradition of our's celebrated when my brother travels. The girls, my Mom included, would get together to catch up. My brother is traveling and my Mom is gone, but we are still here and perhaps it is time to resurrect this tradition.
BUT
I gave up wine for Lent.
BUT
Father T. shared with me that he gave up sweets and booze, but most certainly not the blood of Christ. Almost sounds like permission for me to have a glass and from my priest.
BUT
Who stops at just a single glass?
AND
Auriel did suggest I refrain from exercise today so as not to thwart the release of toxins and radicals freed during my session today. She told me to drink lots of liquids. Wine is a liquid.
I guess what I should do is go enjoy a seltzer with a lemon spritz with my sil.
Stay tuned for what I do do...
Well...I had plans to end my perfect day with one of my favorite workouts (aforementioned kick butt cardio class) and now my sil has invited me over for a glass of wine. Sharing a bottle of wine is a tradition of our's celebrated when my brother travels. The girls, my Mom included, would get together to catch up. My brother is traveling and my Mom is gone, but we are still here and perhaps it is time to resurrect this tradition.
BUT
I gave up wine for Lent.
BUT
Father T. shared with me that he gave up sweets and booze, but most certainly not the blood of Christ. Almost sounds like permission for me to have a glass and from my priest.
BUT
Who stops at just a single glass?
AND
Auriel did suggest I refrain from exercise today so as not to thwart the release of toxins and radicals freed during my session today. She told me to drink lots of liquids. Wine is a liquid.
I guess what I should do is go enjoy a seltzer with a lemon spritz with my sil.
Stay tuned for what I do do...
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Every Day Life
Today I am going to take a break from the anger and malaise that has been following me like a dark cloud because today the sun is shining in my world. No good news, but no bad news either. I will happily take that.
I spend every Tuesday morning in my daughter's class...it is time well spent whether I'm helping the kids (games, projects) or helping the teacher (putting up bulletin boards). Four year olds are so special. They love you if you show them kindness and warmth, they laugh at all your jokes even if they aren't so funny, they give you all their attention provided you are engaging, and they so want to please and impress. It was their 100th day of school. You have got to love that it was a celebration because they love school. My 2nd grader has already figured out that the celebration of the 100th day is all about summer being that much closer...forget any glory for 100 days of learning and growing. We made crowns, which they all wore proudly, and we did lots of counting. Whether they made it to 15, got to 29 and then said 20-10 (yes that actually is 30) or went all the way to 100, they beamed when I offered them high 5's and words of encouragement.
Leaving there today, I was questioning why it is that I am not in school finishing my final 4 credits. That's all I need to get my elementary teaching license. I mean, I know what happened to derail me...life happened, and then death happened. The shock of my Mom's diagnosis, the harshness of her battle and the reality of her death literally stopped me dead in my tracks. Ever since, I have been struggling with forward motion because I am still in that place where I am frozen questioning and reevaluating every thing...past, present, and most definitely future. Today was the first time in a long time that I was even able to go there, mull it over and say, "maybe it's time to finish this after all because maybe this is what I want to do after all." I was thinking in terms of the rest of my life, not feeling so stunned and stuck.
After school, we got some lunch and spent a typical Tuesday afternoon. There was joy in the little things like playing games together, having a tea party, making a comforting pot pie for dinner (which my kids ate without too much coaxing, complaining or gagging), and getting in a 4 mile run. All things good for the mind, body and soul.
The icing on the cake of my day was taking my 8 year old son for a haircut. He wasn't excited about getting any of his mop cut off, but he was a sport and by the time we left the salon, he had most every one in stifled stitches. I was along only to pay the bill. He communicated what he wanted and then proceeded to carry on a conversation, most of which he initiated, about every thing from his love of sports (and the scores of most of last season's little league games) to American Idol (and how my sylist looks like Danny Gokey...he's right) to sin. In a rare moment of silence, he blurted out, "You know there is sin on SpongeBob. Mr. Crabs loves money so much. He loves it more than God. He even worships pennies Dude!" I refrained from letting him in on the fact that this haircut cost much more than pennies and probably 4 times what his "normal" haircut cost. When Kevin went to put some product in his hair and explained that he would use the pomade to muss up his hair, my son was like, "Why would someone pay you to do that?" That was priceless. We exited the salon and he matted his hair down, smoothing it to make it hang longer on to his face and said, "My hair grows really fast Mom. It's ok. And besides, it's dark out." He didn't even listen to his i pod on the way home preferring to chat some more with me instead. So I never would have thought that a date to the salon would be such quality time with my little man...my 8 year old who would give any thing to have hair like Zac Effron. He's lucky that I think Zac is cute, but only half as cute as my T-bone!
I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a good day too, and it should be. I'm starting the day off with a nice, long, therapeutic (love that word) massage and planning to end it with one of my favorite, kick butt cardio classes. Every thing in between will be bonus.
I spend every Tuesday morning in my daughter's class...it is time well spent whether I'm helping the kids (games, projects) or helping the teacher (putting up bulletin boards). Four year olds are so special. They love you if you show them kindness and warmth, they laugh at all your jokes even if they aren't so funny, they give you all their attention provided you are engaging, and they so want to please and impress. It was their 100th day of school. You have got to love that it was a celebration because they love school. My 2nd grader has already figured out that the celebration of the 100th day is all about summer being that much closer...forget any glory for 100 days of learning and growing. We made crowns, which they all wore proudly, and we did lots of counting. Whether they made it to 15, got to 29 and then said 20-10 (yes that actually is 30) or went all the way to 100, they beamed when I offered them high 5's and words of encouragement.
Leaving there today, I was questioning why it is that I am not in school finishing my final 4 credits. That's all I need to get my elementary teaching license. I mean, I know what happened to derail me...life happened, and then death happened. The shock of my Mom's diagnosis, the harshness of her battle and the reality of her death literally stopped me dead in my tracks. Ever since, I have been struggling with forward motion because I am still in that place where I am frozen questioning and reevaluating every thing...past, present, and most definitely future. Today was the first time in a long time that I was even able to go there, mull it over and say, "maybe it's time to finish this after all because maybe this is what I want to do after all." I was thinking in terms of the rest of my life, not feeling so stunned and stuck.
After school, we got some lunch and spent a typical Tuesday afternoon. There was joy in the little things like playing games together, having a tea party, making a comforting pot pie for dinner (which my kids ate without too much coaxing, complaining or gagging), and getting in a 4 mile run. All things good for the mind, body and soul.
The icing on the cake of my day was taking my 8 year old son for a haircut. He wasn't excited about getting any of his mop cut off, but he was a sport and by the time we left the salon, he had most every one in stifled stitches. I was along only to pay the bill. He communicated what he wanted and then proceeded to carry on a conversation, most of which he initiated, about every thing from his love of sports (and the scores of most of last season's little league games) to American Idol (and how my sylist looks like Danny Gokey...he's right) to sin. In a rare moment of silence, he blurted out, "You know there is sin on SpongeBob. Mr. Crabs loves money so much. He loves it more than God. He even worships pennies Dude!" I refrained from letting him in on the fact that this haircut cost much more than pennies and probably 4 times what his "normal" haircut cost. When Kevin went to put some product in his hair and explained that he would use the pomade to muss up his hair, my son was like, "Why would someone pay you to do that?" That was priceless. We exited the salon and he matted his hair down, smoothing it to make it hang longer on to his face and said, "My hair grows really fast Mom. It's ok. And besides, it's dark out." He didn't even listen to his i pod on the way home preferring to chat some more with me instead. So I never would have thought that a date to the salon would be such quality time with my little man...my 8 year old who would give any thing to have hair like Zac Effron. He's lucky that I think Zac is cute, but only half as cute as my T-bone!
I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a good day too, and it should be. I'm starting the day off with a nice, long, therapeutic (love that word) massage and planning to end it with one of my favorite, kick butt cardio classes. Every thing in between will be bonus.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Not Me! Monday!
I did not come home the other day and find one of my cats asleep in the sink waiting for a drink because I do not let my cats on counter tops, and I never turn the faucet on. They only drink out of bowls on the floor.
I did not gag when I had to wipe my daughter's almost 5 year old friend's bottom the other day and then there is no way that I proceeded to suggest that it was time for her to learn to do that all by herself. No, I would never mother, or more like nag, a child that is not mine.
I did not go to the tattoo parlor last week and get my ears pierced just before closing.
I did not quick get on the elevator this morning, push my floor and then hope that the door would close on the woman behind me after she failed to hold two doors for me.
There is no way that I made a batch of cookie bars only to realize that I needed another half a batch to fill the pan and then let my daughter lick the beaters after each batch.
I most certainly did not give my husband disapproving glances while he watched college basketball yesterday and I toiled away at laundry.
I did not make my son sunny side up eggs for dinner tonight and my daughter scrambled eggs because I am not a short order cook.
I did not read my daughter Fancy Nancy and then listen to my son read me Captain Underpants, kiss them goodnight and steal away downstairs to find out if Jason is going to pick Melissa or Molly because I am not still tuning in at my age to The Bachelor every week. No, not me!
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