Friday, October 5, 2018

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

The bond these two share. Having her back in school has been quite an adjustment for him. This is a welcome home series.


Tenderloin sandwiches. It was what was for dinner Saturday night for me and my  Lily. I don't usually cook steaks. That's Mike's job. Although, it may be my job now because I sort of nailed these.


Tigger at the table keeping me company while I cook.


It's definitely felt like fall here this week. It's starting to look like it too!


And smell like it. I made the first crock of beef stew Monday. Happy Birthday Grandpa! I remember fondly many beef stew dinners around your table. Every time I make it, I think of you!


A Million Little Things. I wasn't feeling it for the first 30 minutes, and then I felt it way too much. It's been added to the queue.

Anxiety the Missing Stage of Grief is on its way to me as I type. I expect this to be a an enlightening read for me. My mom has been gone for exactly a decade and 1 week. I've often mused that these stages aren't linear or ever exclusive. I still experience them all, but acceptance is my usual state these days, and the heightened levels of anxiety I deal with are definitely related to losing my mom when and how I did.

I've come so far with my technology skills lately. It doesn't come easy for me so I'm proud of myself for taking initiative to learn new things and persevering when things get tricky. I have a new level of confidence in my abilities.

Tigger and his tunnel. He's recently obsessed with this old toy. When it's collapsed and he cannot lay in it, he lays on it. Such a lovable goofball this one.


The goodness that comes from the farmer's market bounty. I was about to make my usual Wednesday morning trip when I realized I still had a fridge full of fresh produce that was in need of attention. I had more than enough. As I chopped and shredded and stirred, I meditated on the concept of enough. On having enough, doing enough, being enough.

Roasting eggplant, tomatoes and garlic for a simple sauce. So delicious blended with EVOO and basil then served over rigatoni or some other tubular pasta and topped with fresh Parm and toasted pine nuts.


I also made an old favorite zucchini gratin and had my first go at strawberry jam.


Cozy cats. These are their late afternoon spots.


Three walks this week. Two on beautiful days. The third during a deluge. I left and the sky was just spitting, but at the point furthest from home it started pouring. I was drenched and chilled and just so aware of the fact that my stubbornness is what put me in that state. No look at the doplar, no rain jacket, no change of route, A long, hot shower solved everything though. 


I felt like there was a dark cloud over my head for much of this week. Today I got out from under it. It took courage to face my fears head on, but I'm so grateful I did. My heart is good.


The chest pain I had on and off all week mimicked a heart attack. I saw myself not waking up or keeling over without warning. It was paralyzing. I was so scared to get bad news that I stupidly tried to ignore or explain away the symptoms I was experiencing. And then this morning I realized how selfish I was being. I had Mike take me to the emergency room. The episode that was going on 45 minutes abated suddenly as soon as we parked the car. Of course it did. They took me right back, hooked me up to an EKG, ran a blood panel and did a chest X ray. The results showed that my heart was good...perfect. The verdict is that blood pressure spikes are causing the discomfort and that is being addressed. It's something I should have addressed a long time ago. Hello...stubborn. Imagining my life cut short made me realize how much I've yet to do, say, experience. The relief I feel from getting help and feeling better makes me realize how important self- advocacy and self-care are.


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