Wednesday, April 6, 2016


I purchased tickets for Mollie Morningstar the minute Jess expressed an interest.  I tucked them away and thought little about them other than the fact that it was a tad funny the date was April Fools. And also I hoped Jess wouldn't change her mind or lose her nerve.

As the evening approached, I felt rather ambivalent.  I knew it would be entertaining, but I didn't expect my mom to come through.  I cannot say why.  Perhaps, because it was a larger group or maybe I wanted Jess to hear from Danny more than I needed to hear from Kath.

I haven't felt her near for awhile, yet that night I put on her diamond earrings, the k necklace - the last gift she gave me when she knew she was dying - and the shamrock scarf she wore when she passed.  Armed with these talismen, I dare say I was hopeful.

We stopped for a drink before heading to the theater and as Jess pulled pictures, letters, cards and Parker's collar from her purse, I noticed she was wearing her engagement ring.  She even had a picture of my mom with Teddy and Lily, and that right there sums up why I heart her.

We took our seats in the crowd of about 75 and soon after Mollie took the stage.  She spent the first 40 minutes talking about her gift and what would happen.  I was getting anxious because every minute spent talking about what would happen was one less minute of happening.  She connected with 10 spirits, and I believe my mom was one of them, but I held back and someone else came forward.  I was holding out for one more piece of evidence, but the proof was in my limbs that tingled as I felt energy surge through me.  Mollie warned of  just this type of missed opportunity so I had only myself to blame.

The last visit of the night was a husband and father who committed suicide 3 weeks prior.  His widow and 19 year old son were in the audience.  They were sitting near us.  I noticed the young man fidgeting and in apparent distress as soon as we sat down.  I wondered what their story was.  As it was told, it felt too fresh and raw, yet they left smiling...lighter and brighter.

Jess and I digested the evening over pinots and pizza.  

The next morning I called a friend.  She was one of my mom's closest friends. I don't often talk to her over the weekend, but she had a rough week and I wanted to check in.  She was surprised to hear from me because she was just about to call me.  She wanted to tell me about a dream she had about my mom that was much more than a dream. Kath was just there giving her support, letting her know she's not alone.  And, of course, it wasn't a dream, but a dream visit and we both felt buoyed and tingly.

Later that day I took a wrong turn and I ended up on the hospital campus where my mom was treated. It seemed like a rather cruel joke.  All smug, I zipped through to where I knew there was a shortcut only it's a cul de sac now.  I came to a stop, said a few choice words and actually thought about driving through it and that's when a bluebird flew right in front of me and perched on a branch.  I felt my blood pressure deescalate as a wave of peace washed over me.  My mom always sends the bluebirds.