Looking In While Looking Out

I'm sitting here at the kitchen table with a view of the leaf scattered lawn.  It's still green and lush and growing.  The squirrels are really running themselves ragged this morning.  Especially Little Red who will soon no longer resemble his name if he keeps gorging from dawn to dusk.  He cannot say no to a single stray nut or worm infested piece of fallen fruit.  It strikes me that he is simply busy being busy as I quietly watch him in spite of the long list of things I must do.  But I don't want to do right now...I only want to be.  I could sit here all day long sipping something hot while I dream and muse.

I am in denial that tomorrow is the last day of my favorite month.  I feel a little cheated because it went by at warp speed, and gypped that I didn't have the time to pay it homage the way I like to do.  The way I am called to do.  The way I need to do.  And I guess I'm also feeling a bit angry because the time was there...I just didn't seek or carve out the moments.

And I'm also feeling a little unsure of how and why this is where I find myself on the 30th day of O' holy October.  I am never ambivalent about this autumnal span. Ever.

Be but rest assured I will make up for my half hearted embrace of what I know deep within to be the sweetest of days.  November days behold a tide and tempo that entrance me almost as much.  Our eleventh month serves up an extra generous dose of gratitude along with the comfort and contentment that October offers so I will shake off this irreverence, take it all in, sit with it and give thanks for the blessing to be. here. now.  Right here...right now.  Be.

On My Mind Monday

I decided this was not the moment to push the point.  When someone's wounded, the first order of business is to stop the bleeding.  You can figure out later how best to help them heal.

Jeanette Walls

Half Broke Horses

2 day pass

it was a lovely long weekend around here.
the kids had a couple days off for conferences, and i rescheduled myself accordingly.
i love the timing of this fall break.
when they were busy with friends, i was happy to escape out for a walk or into a book, a recipe, or a movie.
i found myself watching the ring in the middle of friday afternoon with the boys.
it was a little spooky for t. bone and not spooky enough for me.
i love a good horror flick best of all and especially just days before halloween.
peanut and tigger loved it because they had laps to cuddle up on in the middle of the afternoon.
later i braided miss bit's hair, and she donned all things peace, love and tie dye for a date with her dad at her school's monster bash.
they had fun, but not as much fun as i had making chex mix and a big old pot of soup for a gathering the next day as i sang along with cat stevens and janis joplin.
when you are home alone with the windows closed, you can sing loud as you like.
saturday we traveled southwest through farms and fields for a surprise party to celebrate my mother in law.
she will be 70 in a couple weeks and had never had a proper surprise party.
now she has.
i think the best surprise was the attendance of both her brothers who came in from texas for the occasion.
it was festive afternoon of family, fun and food.
sunday i met jess for a walk along the lake while the kids were at church school.
it was such a beautiful, sunny morning...a walk was just the perfect way to start the day.
the kids spent the rest of the day trick or treating with friends while i visited with friends and tried to give a crash course in manners to the children and adults who rang the door bell.
apparently, i have many opinions about trick or treat etiquette.
crazy things like costumes are required, and age limits enforced.
we had a lasagna dinner with the ladies and came home just in time for bed.
amazingly we slept like babies despite all the chocolate and sugar consumed.
must have been the gluten.
i'm so glad we all have another short week.
and also another fun, family filled weekend to look forward to.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

A short week and an extra long weekend.

Conferences.  Both kiddos got rave reviews about character as well as performance.

An impromptu lunch date with friends who happened to have the same post conference idea as we did.

Coach thought it was mildly entertaining that I sent him to the school's Monster Bash last night as Miss Bit's escort.  The Monster Bash is tonight.  Oops!  That's what happens when my schedule gets upended.

Miss Bit decided to be a hippie for Halloween.  She is all about peace and love so it is perfect.

Chicken thighs and pan sauces.  A very tasty and quick combination.

Some deep fall cleaning the last couple weeks.  I've made several trips to the donation center.

It's been dark when I get up in the morning.  I love the absence of light because it feels like permission to ease into the day.

Miss Bit and I spotted the daintiest little snowflakes falling from the sky the other day.  She was giddy.  That made me giddy too.

The seafood guy came to town with a fresh haul from the Texas coast.  We made a delicious shrimp scampi for Sunday night dinner.  Miss Bit and I enjoyed it most.

T. Bone played his final football game of the season last Saturday under the lights of a just full moon at the high school stadium.  I think he's looking forward to a little more free time since he's been practicing and playing one sport or another (and sometimes two) for at least 2 years.

Coach is off today too.  We are going for a long walk after we see T. Bone off with his friends to rock climb and before Miss Bit's friend comes over to play.

Plans for this afternoon include making a chowder, carving a pumpkin, watching a Halloween movie and just enjoying the most beautiful fall day.

We celebrated 18 years this week.  We've come a long way.  We have a long way to go, but there is no one else I would want to share my life...this life...with.

The Road Less Traveled

You know what Frost says about the road less traveled?  Well, don't take it on your way to work. Especially if it was once the road more frequently traveled.  Every block will hold memories.  Many landmarks will evoke emotions. You'll be seeing ghosts looking out windows and apparitions hiding behind trees as you travel through your old stomping grounds. At first, you'll see things not how they are now, but how they were.  And then you'll be jolted into the present by a stop sign where one has never been, or a quick footed jaywalker, or a bus that cuts you off as it spews grey gusts of exhaust your way. You'll be feeling in between worlds, straddling then and now.  Raw and unsettled.  Unsure.

The image of the first place you called home will stay with you all day.  You'll be able to see yourself playing with Mrs. K's antique toys on the braided rug.  You'll remember the cabinet's worth of treasures she kept and how she loved to let you explore them under her watchful eye.  So caught up you will be in that decades old memory that you will still smell Mr. K.'s sickly sweet pipe tobacco so many years later, and hear the ice clanking at happy hour in his bourbon high ball.  You'll taste Mrs. K.'s standing offering: a bowl of the richest, most delicious chocolate ice cream the likes of which you will never savor anywhere else.  The feel of Fannie's silky smooth bunny fur is just a touch away.

That crisp memory will recede as you pass Buckley's and are transported back to the late 80's. Who isn't there?  It was the place to go...your St. Elmo's Fire.  You can hear Red Red Wine and you do indeed feel fine as you wash down a shot of Jaggermeister all the while hoping it numbs your heart along with your throat and mind.  You were so young and also so misunderstood mostly by yourself.  You were moving forward from high school to college, but still looking back longingly.  One foot in Madison and one foot still firmly planted in Shorewood.  You already had an idea that would cost you, just not how much.  Is that INXS? Yep, someone played I Need You Tonight on the jukebox.  You see him.  You knew you would.  He's playing pool.  He sees you too.  He smiles and looks as happy to see you as you are to see him.  It feels like kismet this cued up song, this chance sighting.

While You See a Chance comes on the radio real time and fast forwards you a few years.  Steve Winwood always reminds you of your brother.  You are sitting around his living room.  This new place is more bachelor pad than starving student slum.  It's comfortable.  It has character.  You can see the expression of intense mama pride on your Mom's face from across the candlelit room.  You can feel it.  It's palpable.  This is all she wants for her kids.  To be near.  To find happiness.  To find their ways. You are all so satisfied and happy in that evening that it is almost tragic.

It strikes you as you drive down this boulevard  you used to commute on every day with your Mom how much things change and how quickly.  Despite the fact that it's been more than thirty years since you lived in this neighborhood, two decades since you allowed your heart to be broken, and fifteen years since you thought life couldn't get any better, it really seems like yesterday.  A blink. A flicker.  A flash.  A tear.  And you hear Robert Frost as your eyes water and your heart swells:

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

Sometimes the roads you travel are not by choice.

Grateful Friday

Grateful Friday

Pear martinis on the patio for Friday night happy hour.  3 parts Grey Goose Pear Vodka, 1 part simple syrup, squeeze of lime shaken and served over ice with a splash of club soda.

A spirited game of Aniome.

Miss Bit getting to spend an impromptu, fun filled 24 hours with her grandma and grandpa.  I think they enjoyed it as much as she did.  They went to see Gravity, out horseback riding and to the pumpkin farm.

Stock simmering on the stove on a grey Saturday.  It is good not only for the senses, but also the soul.

The rich and lovely stock became split pea soup.  Coach and I love pea soup.  Our old secret is 1-2 diced jalapenos.  Our new secret is homemade baguette croutons.

A Sunday morning walk along the lake with Coach.

An after church breakfast stromboli.  We had to use up leftover pizza dough and coudn't really eat any more pizza. T. Bone said it was restaurant worthy.

The way the cats contort to fit together on the same chair.

Pumpkin seeds.

Grandpa's beef stew for Sunday night dinner.  The secret is a few dashes of smoked paprika.  It's best served over Coach's mashed potatoes.  He's the new potato king around these parts.

Parenthood.  I just love this show.

SNL's Boy Dance Party.  It will be a classic.

A bit of a blog break.  I needed to listen to other callings this week.

I have started Christmas shopping.  I love finding the right gift and squirreling away surprises even though I would take five more Octobers in lieu of one December at this point.

Nina Simone radio.

On My Mind Monday

After coming across this survey at A Design So Vast this morning, I've had books on the brain all day. I simply could not resist.  I love this blog...especially her posts about books.

Author you’ve read the most books from (the grammar nerd in me has to say: from whom you have read the most books): It’s close between Amy Tan or Louise Erdrich.
Best Sequel Ever: None are coming to mind.  

Currently Reading: Sense and Sensibility one more time, Glass Castle again, Half Broke Horses for the first time, and A Wrinkle in Time with my daughter.

Drink of Choice While Reading: Coffee.

E-reader or Physical Book? I need a book in hand  to be able to dog ear the pages.

Fictional Character You Probably Would Have Actually Dated In High School: I dated Romeo only he turned out to be more Heathcliff...more wounded and destructive than star crossed and romantic.

Glad You Gave This Book A Chance: Crossing to Safety and Angle of Repose. Stegner can be wordy and a little elusive at first, but his prose is always so beautiful, and the characters heartfelt and real.

Hidden Gem Book: Gift from the Sea by Anne Morrow Lindbergh.  Such wisdom.

Important Moment in your Reading Life: A multicultural lit class I took my sophomore year at Madison. Rafael Perrez-Torres walked into the first class in ripped jeans and a crisp white button down full of energy and ideas.  It was intoxicating.  Eye opening.  Liberating too.

Just Finished: The Kitchen House (Loved!  Loved!), and The Light Between Oceans (liked very much).

Kinds of Books You Won’t Read: Most sci-fi and any Stephanie Meyer. I tried Twilight, and found it painful.

Longest Book You’ve Read: Steinbeck’s East of Eden. It took me a year, but I loved it like a good friend.

Major book hangover because of: The Kitchen House. I’ve never been big on antebellum novels, but this one was hauntingly beautiful and still lingering.

Number of Bookcases You Own: 6 and counting.

One Book You Have Read Multiple Times: I don’t often reread, but when I do, it’s usually a classic.such as Pride and Prejudice, To Kill a Mockingbird or Great Gatsby.

Preferred Place To Read: In bed, but I seem to find the most time in my car while I’m waiting in pick up lines.

Quote that inspires you/gives you all the feels from a book you’ve read: “We read to know we are not alone.” – C.S. Lewis

Reading Regret: Too many books, too little time.

Series You Started And Need To Finish (all books are out in series): Harry Potter.

Three of your All-Time Favorite Books: Wild by Cheryl Strayed, The Collected Poems, Mary Oliver, and Barbara Kingsolver's The Poisonwood Bible.  That was hard and is very incomplete.

Unapologetic Fangirl For: The memoir.

Very Excited For This Release More Than All The Others: A Valley of Amazement, Amy Tan; We are Water, Wally Lamb; The Death of Santini, Pat Conroy; Provence 1970, Luke Barr; The First Phone Call From Heaven, Mitch Albom; and Stitches, Anne Lamott.

Worst Bookish Habit: Reading too many books at once, and always adding to my stacks instead of depleting them.

X Marks The Spot: Start at the top left of your shelf and pick the 27th book: Walking on Alligators A Book of Meditations for Writers by Susan Shaughnessy.  A thoughtful gift from my brother in law.

Your latest book purchase: Still Writing by Dani Shapiro.

ZZZ-snatcher book (last book that kept you up WAY late): A good book is more likely to get me up early than keep me up late. The Other Bolelyn Girl was the last that lured me out bed before the birds.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Another beautiful fall week.  We are getting spoiled and loving every day of it.

Early release freeing up an extra afternoon hour to frog with my girl on the trails we both love.

A surprise hot, homemade breakfast midweek for my guys.  Thick sliced challah turned into buttery French toast sent them off with smiles.

The boys saw a Packer win last weekend at Lambeau Field.  T. Bone was most enthralled with the endless spread that the suite offered.  He's got it good, but I think he knows it!

GMA's Roar contest.  At least one of the video entries left me a tad verklempt.  I now love Katy Perry's song!

Banana bread with mini chips and chopped pecans.

When it rains leaves.

Sneaking in for a pedicure while Miss Bit was at play practice this week.  It was the perfect stretch of time to relax at the end of a good and full day.

The way the cats are camouflaged as they try to sneak up on chippies.

Pear vodka and my sil for turning me onto it.  I just made a simple syrup for a Friday night happy hour on the patio.  Jess should be joining me soon for pear martinis.

The way all her teachers gushed over Miss Bit at open house.  They slyly asked if she is as agreeable, kind and cheerful at home.  I loudly affirmed that she is indeed.

T. Bone is learning Banana Pancakes now on the guitar.

New boots, yoga pants and leggings.

A quiet weekend ahead.

The countdown is on for our upcoming Door County getaway.  We are all adding to dos to our lists.

Breathe

Yesterday was stellar on all levels and in every way.  Last night I lay awake thinking about just what made it so before drifting off to end it.  This morning before light and sound distracted me, I came to understand organically again what in my mind’s eye I know.  I have been holding my breath.  Literally inhaling...not exhaling, and I’m no David Blaine.  After a minute or two, I’d feel myself getting panicky and then start gulping air again hungrily.  These were not intentional deep breathing exercises, but rather an involuntary reflex.  My spontaneous, self-induced oxygen deprivation was the physical  response to where I was mentally.  Not here.  Not in the moment, but rather worrying about the future.  I was waiting for something to happen. At attention.  On alert.  On guard.

Yesterday I was breathing again.  I was taking deep cleansing breaths with strong lungs, clear head and open heart.  I felt like Julie Andrews only the hills were alive with the sound of my breath.

I didn’t write in the morning.  Instead I went out for a walk right after morning drop off.  There have been many a morning where I have logged on before 9:00 and suddenly it’s noon.   The days are short and the years are short is the refrain running through my brain this season.  Too short to spend hours on the Internet, I decided.  A mile in, I finished listening to The Kitchen House, and right away prayed that Grissom is working on a sequel.  I have my own hopes and dreams of what’s to come for Lavinia, Ellie and Will Smith.  I cued up The Glass Castle, and although I know the story is sad (I’ve read it before), I was laughing out loud.  The geese and the warblers didn’t seem to mind.   It was one of those mornings where you can use a sweatshirt in the shade, but then bake in the sun.  It’s the time of year for layers especially in the morning and evening.  I walked purposefully and worked those lungs steadily.  Nothing clears my head like a walk in the fresh air at the start of the day.

I flung open windows and doors when I got home.  The boys delighted in following the sun from room to room.  Not the chippie on high alert, nor the tail taunting squirrel could even coax them from their sun bathing spots.  I smiled as I noticed their orange marmalade coats shimmering like brand new bronze pennies.  I prepped dinner: pasta two ways.  Bolognese for the kids and chicken enchilada for the adults.   Double happiness.   I sang along with the Indigo Girls while I baked a banana bread and also a stored stash of chocolate chip cookie dough for after school cookwiches.  At 70 degrees, it was an ice cream kinda day.  Perhaps, one of the last.

Nothing centers me more than creating in my kitchen.  The purpose of chopping, chiffonading, stirring and slicing brings me stores of peace.  The order of loads of fresh stacked laundry and clean washed floors also fills my house…my life…with concord in lieu of chaos.  I thought of Karen Maezan Miller and decided that I need to read Hand Wash Cold again.  I never used to entertain the idea of reading a book twice…not even beloved titles, but I’m softening to the idea…I’m changing my maxims and mantras and mandates.  I started Walls’s Half Broke Horses.  I always meant to read it.  It’s all Jeanette Walls this go around.

After a couple chapters, it was time to pick up Miss Bit.  Every other Wednesday is early release.  T. Bone made plans to hang out with friends so I left my girl hanging at drop off with the promise of her own special surprise.  She loved the suspense as much as she loathed it, and I know it made her short day even shorter.  I threw her rubber boots and net in the trunk because it was just the finest day for froggin.’  She was happy with the after school detour.  I knew she would be.  She loves these trails and ponds as much as I do, but boy oh boy does she act like she owns them.  I must be as quiet as a mouse and slink along in her shadow lest I disturb a creature or critter she may creep up on and catch.  I don’t mind though because I have yet to catch a single frog.  She caught two yesterday.  Her bounty could have been more bountiful, but my empathetic frog whisperer passed on a few who looked too frightened for a visit.   Nothing fills my heart more than watching my kids be who they are meant to be.  Making their ways in the world.  Discovering passions.  Teaching me what they know and sharing what they find...sharing how they feel.  

She opted to skip swimming so we could carve pumpkins in the late afternoon sun.  She decided to make a frog.  It was perfect.  Well, it wasn’t, and yet it was in its very imperfection.  I pointed out that I was especially proud of her for forging ahead and finishing her creation even when the slippery, uneven surface wasn’t exactly cooperating.  I then balked at my spooky cat, and she repeated my fresh spoken words right back at me.  I decided it best to embrace my less than perfect jack o' lantern and lead by example not just epitaph.

As night fell, and fall is exactly what it does this time of year, the boys returned from football practice.  Coach executed the dinner I prepped, while I snuck upstairs for a hot shower.  After a delicious, carb-laden dinner, Coach and I turned off the television and talked until Miss Bit summoned.  It was time to read with her before bed.  She left and T. Bone soon snuggled in.  I closed my book and my eyes for a nanosecond and was out.  He nudged me and asked how I could fall asleep so quickly.  I was deep breathing.  That’s how he knew I was gone.  Contentment, I told him before I drifted off in deep peace for the night.

On My Mind Monday

On Children

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, Speak to us of Children.
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet the belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran

2 day pass

friday night it rained long and hard.
it was calming and cleansing.
saturday we woke up to thick standing fog.
when it finally lifted midday, it revealed the still green grass littered with a rainbow of leaves.
there are more leaves on the trees than the ground much to my relief.
the gradual, unfolding change of fall foliage proves that we are very much betwixt and between.
it is the only time of year i find that precarious position pleasing.
the clouds stayed much of the day, but the rain held off long enough for t. bone's football game.
he spent the afternoon celebrating a classmate's bar mitzvah.
coach and i spent the evening with my bro and sil.
they took me...us...out for a belated birthday dinner.
i'll refrain from dabbling in food porn here, but i must say that the wine and dessert were my favorites.
sea smoke pinot noir and a macadamia nut tart with coconut ice cream.
not much bad can be said of a meal that starts with prosecco and ends with port.
everything was a treat.
the sun greeted us sunday morning.
we were up bright and early.
the boys left for the packer game with friends.
the girls went to church.
miss bit then spent the afternoon at a birthday party and i did everything and nothing.
i made my favorite meal for sunday night dinner: chicken cordon bleu, wild rice and sauteed spinach.
i went to bed in protest.
it was such a great weekend for the whole family.
i simply didn't want it to end.

Morning Chiaroscuro

I woke today to a world dulled by fog.
It rolled in over night to obscure my every sense and view.
It hangs heavy in the air as if suspended in time.
Dreamy and fuzzy.
Vague and unclear.

Everything appears to move more slowly or not at all.
Absent is the birdsong.
The few squirrels foraging black walnuts do not display their usual frenzy.
Lawnmowers and leaf blowers are eerily silenced.
Unhurried and languid.
Deaf and dopey.

The low lying clouds are thick like a wall of suffocating smoke.
I can make out the shapes of the changing trees, but not their vivid hues.
There is only the suggestion of light and bright.
Monochromatic and dramatic.
Shaded and faded.

The lake has disappeared.
Miles of waves are replaced by one airy abyss.
This illusion makes me wonder what this landscape will look like in a hundred years.
Vapory and ethereal.
Unearthly and divine.

What will my life look like in ten years? Twenty?
Will there be more light than dark?
Fewer shadows and more sun?
Luminous or weighted.
Laborious or unobscured.

Subtle are the gradations from day to day.
Although the same nuances can be stark from year to year.
Everyday I affirmatively answer the only question I know I know.
Is it worth it?

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Finishing The Light Between Oceans.  I give it a 4 out of 5.  I haven't been able to do that for awhile.  It was slow to start, but worth the effort.  And this passage:

Families gather, safe and whole, at the end of another day.  And darkness seeps into the sky second by second, until the shadows no longer fall but rise from the ground and fill the air completely.  Humans withdraw to their homes, and surrender the night to the creatures that own it: the crickets, the owls, the snakes.  A world that hasn’t changed for hundred of thousands of years wakes up, and carries on as if the daylight and the humans and the changes to the landscape have been an illusion.

I had a Thursday night date with T. Bone.  We went shopping and out for dinner.  He doesn't like clothes shopping, but he was a trooper and we got the job done.  Holding out on the Rocky's pizza was definite incentive as was the promise of new running shoes.

Chocolate Factory subs.  They are right next to Rocky's and my favorite.

It has been another beautiful week weather wise.  We're still wearing shorts and flip flops, and sleeping with windows open.

Pumpkins.  and the 1001  things Pinterest suggest you do with them.  Miss Bit and her Aunt C. Halloweenified the first pumpkin of the season.  There will be more.

Super magnets.

New winter hats.  We stocked up since one of our favorite stores is having a moving sale.  $34 hats for $9! Which reminds me I need to go back!

A birthday lunch with my friend on Monday even if the pesto grilled cheese stayed with me until Wednesday.  It was greasy!

Miss Bit is still so excited for swimming every night even though she's pretty sure she doesn't want to compete in a meet.  It looks like she might get her wish since play practice and swim meets so far have been on the same day.

Handmaid cards.  Miss Bit and I had fun getting our craft on this week.  It's a great way to personalize messages, give some love and save some money.  Cards are a total racket now!

My new computer is back from the PC doctor.  Don't even say the word Minecraft in my presence please.

Miss Bit thinks she wants to be an angel for Halloween.  She won't even need a costume!  Seriously though, I'm a tad verklempt that she has chosen this option.  She was an angel for her very first Halloween at Nanny's subtle suggestion.

A new black dress.  Slightly sassy, but also classy.

Plans for dinner out tomorrow with my bro and sil at a new to me restaurant.

An anniversary idea for Coach.  We celebrate 18 years on the 21st!  Sorry love, it's not Spain or Ireland, but I think you'll approve.

October

I look forward to October all year long.  It's a cozy month that usually fills me with comfort and contentment so I can hardly explain the heaviness in my heart or the haziness in my head yesterday.  It was an effort to get out of bed, and also to resist the urge to get back in all day. Everything was an effort.  Herculean.  The beautiful summer fall day finally beguiled me into getting out for some fresh air, fast moving feet therapy.  I was no more than a hundred yards into my walk when I came upon two deer...my two deer.  I've watched them apple picking numerous times the past few weeks.  They watch me too more curiously than fearfully as they snack away now.  They eventually turn their backs on me, but something inside me doesn't want to face away. I do, but I keep looking behind me and I cannot quite explain this urge.  The path was busy with furry caterpillars, and that made me miss my Lil Bit lots. Lavinia and Belle and Mama Mae were keeping me company though as I listened to The Kitchen House.  I turned it off when Lavinia had to leave Suki behind because I just couldn't contain my tears. What a sweaty, sobbing sight I am sure I was...thin skinned and vulnerable.  That's me.  Nothing felt right all day so I was grateful to put myself to bed right after tucking the kids in last night.  I surrendered.  Day is done I thought as I drifted off as if drugged.

Today I  woke feeling much less sensitive and fragile.  This the second day of October has progressed much like the first except that I am living in the day instead of wishing it away.  Everything tastes, looks, sounds, smells and feels better.  I'm smiling more and I haven't shed a single tear. If it were up to me, this day would never end.

Government Gone Bad

I am very angry.  Seething.  I just watched an account on the nightly news that almost renders me speechless. Today a group of brave veterans arrived via Honor Flight to experience the monument erected as a tribute to their service and sacrifice.  They were met with barricades, police tape and park guides turned guards. We all know that we are in the midst of a government shutdown.  Well, somewhat of a shutdown as paychecks are still arriving for those who are refusing to do their jobs.  Those least deserving.  Let me tell you that the National Mall, where most of the monuments are located is, generally, open and accessible 24/7.  You can walk up to the Lincoln Memorial, the Vietnam Memorial, the MLK Memorial morning, noon and night and when you do, you may or may not see a park employee on site.  Most of these employees are volunteers full of information.  They don't get paid.  Barricades and an extensive show of park police guards are extraneous, expensive measures that have been implemented post haste to punish taxpaying visitors.  To hit us where it hurts.  To show us.  Teach us.  Limiting this access is our leaders behaving as bullies once again. This is an Imperialistic move that should outrage us one and all no matter political affiliation or party.

I'm glad the veterans had the courage to move through the barriers and experience the WWII Memorial erected in their honor.  They had the fortitude to stand up to a government they once stood up for.