Since I last wrote, we've celebrated Christmas three times and Teddy's 20th birthday. Yes...two decades old. The post holiday blues have set in, but the four inches of snow that fell overnight is helping mitigate my melancholy. It's the kind that sticks to all the bare branches prettying the naked landscape. We're looking forward to 2021...starting to plan for NYE and the new year, and yet I cannot say that I'm expecting much to change in the first six months of the year. I blame that for a good part of my moodiness. This morning I sat in silence beside the tree that was alit all night. I like to leave it on when it snows, or when it's cloudy, or anytime I'm home. I'm already missing the tree, but have no plans to take it down. I pride myself on being a mid January tree taker downer. But the point is that I'm not being present. I'm fast forwarding when all I want to do is hit pause.
There have been many things I've lamented about 2020, but all of this family time is not one of them. As much as I hate that Teddy is having such a shitty college experience, I love that he's been home since Thanksgiving and won't be going back until the end of January. I will miss his big hugs before he leaves for wherever he's going, I'll miss him asking me what's for dinner, I'll even miss losing every single game of Catan. I won't miss his music because I have my own playlist of his favorites now. Even he was impressed when I put it on last night while we had a Teddy choice night: Lisa's pizza and Catan. And yes, I lost although Mike won. Before Ted left to meet up with friends, he sang us a rap he'd recently written. I have to say that I was impressed. Mixing music will be part of his brand I'm told. He's a dreamer...a schemer, but he is going into second semester with some clarity. He's changing his major from finance to accounting at the urging of a professor and a TA who recognize that he is a natural with balance sheets. What I thought was most insightful though, was the fact that he realized he doesn't like finance. He likes accounting. And this is the lesson called do what you love.
I'll miss hearing my kids connecting. Lily will always be the little sister, but they are becoming peers. The other night while I was folding laundry in my room, I eavesdropped on them chatting it up in Lil's room. I know she looks up to him, but he also respects her as he should. Her emotional maturity is off the charts. She's finishing off this semester at home, but the plan is to be back in school at the end of January. This is great news, but I must admit that it has been nice to have her safe at home where her days start less abruptly. We share a lemon for our morning waters and she starts her day in her pjs. She loves being able to make a fresh salad for lunch and often gets in a workout. After the better part of a year at home, going back to school will be a major adjustment, but it's good. And time.
It's also time to start looking ahead. For Lils, that means ACT and college visits. Confirmation. Prom and softball too. For Ted, it means picking classes for next semester, deciding when he's going back to Madison and finding an apartment for next year. My intentions for next year include: eat lots of plants, learn something every day, move my body more, strengthen my spirit, focus on gratitude, remember to say please, thank you, I love you and amen often...always, and to say yes to the things that really matter.
No comments:
Post a Comment