Pause

 

I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit, but I'm not exactly not feeling it either. I'm not in an all out funk, but I'm feeling that down yo lasts a little longer. I just got off the phone with my dad and I had a bit of an epiphany. For me this time of year is about nesting, baking batches for friends and family, hot toddies around the tree and family movie nights. That's kind of been the MO for the past nine months minus the tree so December just doesn't feel different this year. We've had so much hygge, I've baked myself silly and we're all out of options on Netflix, Prime and HBO. Listen, I am first to admit that these are first world problems, but I'm just keeping it real. Real and honest.

The house is decorated. I usually cannot wait to put out my favorites: my mom's simple wood and straw manger, my dining room tree filled with her collection of glass ornaments, the family tree that no longer accommodates all of our ornaments, my Li Bien and Vietri collections. Everything has a story, and therefore, a special place in my heart. The last few years I've put out less because even at Christmas, less is more. Unless, of course, we are talking about white twinkly lights or Frasier fir candles. I made the first and second batches of the year. I baked pistachio kisses at Lil's request and the most perfect chewy molasses cookie that I love with a cup of coffee in the morning. I've shamelessly revisited the ritual of cookies for breakfast during these 12 days of Christmas. Most years I bake about a dozen different family favorites and some of them four to six dozen at a time to share with friends, neighbors and family. I don't see that happening this year although I know there a few more batches in my future. We've yet to watch a Christmas movie, but a good friend gave me Love, Actually and said it's a must. I'm thinking this weekend. I did a little less shopping this year. It feels like a good year to have a reset, and yet I'm not exactly done yet so one never knows. I banned the purchase of wrapping paper and ribbon in 2020 vowing to use what I have on hand, and then I couldn't resist a single roll of the cutest paper ever and that led to numerous coordinating rolls and spools of ribbon. I am human and weak. We're planning and very much looking forward to our holiday celebrations, but I'm not eager for their arrival. I enjoy the bask and glow wholeheartedly. The state of anticipation is my happy place. Crescendo is my religion.

This is the time I prefer to hit pause. To focus on presence, not presents. To count my blessings not the gifts under the tree.  To connect, cherish, commune,  celebrate, contemplate and choose to be right here right now.