Inches

Out my window the snow is accumulating steadily. The world looks so perfect and peaceful that I'm resisting sleep. I was lounging on the couch literally watching the snow fall earlier. I suspect I'm also resisting sleep because I'm feeling a little off, unsettled, out of sorts. The funny thing is that I've really been quite on, balanced and straight. I suppose I'm still going to have funks, and they may be even more noticeable after prolonged periods of positivity.

Peanut is curled up behind me keeping me warm. I'm doing the same for him. The cold and the snow...they don't bother me. My boss said to stay home tomorrow if the weather is inclement. I chuckled because I only live 5 minutes from the office, but I appreciate his concern and generosity. The truth is that I could really use a snow day to make some soup and do some reading. I had designs on recreating the Cabbage Soup with Farro just not the energy. I had delicious plans for dinners all this week in fact, but I've been existing on my Mom's tuna casserole, which I fixed this weekend. Existing happily even though hers was so much better. My kids don't seem too put out by leftovers and fending, and yet I feel guilty for curling up on the couch for a Top Chef marathon. As much as I know I should get up and get something done, I cannot pull myself away from the television. This On Demand is going to be dangerous.

It's exam week so they have adjusted schedules. They were both scheming about a snow day tomorrow. It makes no sense to me since they are amply prepared for the day's exams. I don't understand why they don't just want to get them over with and then goof off in the snow.

It was another snowy night Friday. I went to book club with my group. We had a small, but steady group due to the weather. The ladies who couldn't come missed an intimate evening of wine and warm soup. We discussed Before We Were Yours. A little. One friend didn't read it and another found the topic a little too close to home. I didn't love it, which wasn't a popular opinion.

I did love a night we recently had with friends. We invited them for dinner. We used to do this with them all the time before kids and we've recently reconnected as couples. We made a kind of fancy, but not fussy dinner: Chicken Marsala, Julia Childs' Garlic Mashed and roasted asparagus. They brought a beautiful wine. We ate Chocolate Mousse with Almond Cream and played a game and before they left we said that we will do this again and soon. I have missed them. Us.

Tomorrow I'm going to a story slam with another pal. The night's topic is gut feeling. I think it could be a good one. It'll be nice to bundle up on the cold winter night for some time together as well as a connection with the bigger group. It's true that I'm feeling a little like I don't want to go, but the thing is that I know I'm going to have a great night. Sometimes just showing up is half the battle. Saying yes. Faking it until making it. Taking small steps. Moving inches.