Weekending and Remembering

 Yesterday marked the twelfth year I’ve been unmothered. I’ve felt numb about this sad fact this year. I surmise keeping occupied with other things is good for easing the burden. We have been busy getting ready, putting on and then taking down an estate sale with my aunt and uncle. I’m bruised all over. My knee is aching. My back is out of whack. I am dog tired. My physical pains mitigate any emotional discomfort. It’s actually kind of brilliant to lose myself in the tasks at hand, to be occupied with a purpose, to come home too tired to even dream. And yes, it was hard work, but it was also fun to spend so much time with my aunt and uncle. The labor we provided was nothing compared to the blood and sweat my aunt and uncle sacrificed. We are a good team.

We all have some good stories too. A literal cast of characters came, some several times. There was the little girl next door who thought we were having a circus in the yard because of the giant tent. She had her eye on a lamp for her room. I was sure it was the owl lamp that used to be in Lil’s room. I was wrong. She was coveting a fancy gold lamp that I had in my dining room. She’s 4. I gave it to her. The little girl across the street picked out Lil’s old plastic bow and arrow. I watched her have a weekend of fun with that toy. I sold one of my mom’s wigs to a cancer survivor. She’s been dealing with thinning hair in remission. The wig looked adorable on her and she was a cute, spunky gal. It felt good to let it go to someone who needed it. The other two didn’t sell and I planned to bring them home, but they were donated in the frenzy of packing things up. At first, I panicked, but the more I thought about it, I felt relief. Those wigs were reminders of my mom sick. That’s not the way I want to remember her.

On my way to my aunt’s Saturday, I felt verklempt that getting rid of their belongings is another step in their eventual move to Arizona. I made her promise that we will spend as much time as possible together in this year before they go. Saturday night we went out to a favorite Mexican place to celebrate a successful sale. We were so hungry we didn’t even share plates. Loie and I laughed about that Sunday. The Evans’s always share plates.

Lily came Sunday to help us pack up. She also packed a box for her erstwhile apartment. It was mostly holiday decorations. Loie has a weakness for good deals and holidays. She always planned to have a big Halloween party. We strung some leftover jack o lantern lights at 1313 Mockingbird Lane (it’s what we endearingly call her haunted rental) and enjoyed a bloody in lawn chairs that didn’t sell. Thank God! Without them, we’d have had nowhere to sit. After a beautiful couple days, it started to rain. It was perfect timing. It was a cleanse.

I feel lighter, unburdened. Everything they say about the weight of our things is true. We have too much stuff and it’s not healthy.  

I woke up yesterday aware of exactly what day it was and I thought of my mom all day long, but with a subtle sadness. I stopped at the grocery store after work and decided on a whim to make a nice dinner. Mike grilled tenderloin filets and portobello mushrooms, I roasted Brussels and decanted a nice bottle of wine. It felt like an honorable tribute to my mom on her heaven day.