Holiday Weekending

We had a lovely and long holiday weekend. I was extra grateful that Lils was home the whole week messy room and all. It felt full in the way a bustling house does with visits and comings and goings. A house well loved and lived in. Wednesday night everyone was out so I nestled in to watch The Humans, a film I knew I'd love, but didn't want to subject the rest of the family too because it was a little dark. It spoke to that nugget of sadness I'm lugging around in this season of thanks and joy. Misery loves company. Melancholy wants recognition. Validation. I felt seen.

Lily was home first and in time to take charge of Thanksgiving dessert. I assisted. It was late. I procrastinated, but the Pumpkin Brownie Cheesecake was made thanks to my girl. 

I missed most of the parade. I didn't see a single Broadway number. In retrospect, it's for the best. I know it would have made me wistful for our postponed fall trip to NYC. There were numerous shows I was hoping to see while there. I also didn't get my annual pre-feast walk, but I got to spend time with Pee, which was more important. We caught up on our kids who are living the lives we lived when we first met. It was a full circle moment. 

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And the seasons they go 'round and ' round and the painted ponies go up and down...we're captive on a carousel of time...we can't return we can only look behind from where we came and go 'round and 'round and 'round on this circle game.

I first became acquainted with this song in college at Gamma Phi. We sang it often...after chapter meetings, at ceremonies, and just because. It was one of my favorite rituals and a warm, fuzzy memory from an often challenging, lonely period in my life.

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My parents prepared Thanksgiving again this year. There were rumblings about passing the baton or the bird, but they decided to carry on the tradition of two birds and too many sides on Woods Road for another year. We'll see what next year brings. I have a feeling that they'll keep doing it until they cannot, and even just typing that truth is one of the reasons I'm in my feelings this season. 

I insisted we get our annual picture on the deck before last light. There have been years that the darkness snuck up on us and we missed our window. And yes, I'm aware of the metaphor here. I'm tied to traditions this year. They feel more important for some reason that only slightly escapes me. After dinner, we lounged in the family room to digest and to cheer on the Packers.

Lils went shopping with the girls Friday and Ted played football and then poker with the guys. I  spent the better part of the day Christmasing the house with the good old crooners. I'm gravitating to light. Lights on everything. There's a candle in every window and twinkle lights on trees and boughs and I think that is enough. I thought I was going to deck every surface, but now I'm allowing myself to change my mind as everyone is want to do. The basement is a colossal mess of bins (a mess of everything tbh) that I will whittle down and put back in storage for someday or someone. What remains is the living room tree, which is the star of the season. I'm hoping to get one Saturday and will wait to decorate it until Lil's comes home next week. Yes already...next week...in a few days!

So Thanksgiving weekend is in the books and now I'm feeling slightly panicked about Christmas. I've not bought a single gift except for the kit kats who really need nothing. I guess that's the crux of it...no one needs anything or particularly wants anything that I can give them. I'm sitting with this reality and waiting for an idea as to how to enjoy gift giving in a more meaningful, intentional way this year. In a less is more, pay it forward, focus on the reason for the season sort of way that makes sense for our family. I love giving gifts so there will be presents under the tree, but I'm done buying just for the sake of buying. At the end of the day, things are overrated.