Connections

 

It's the night before. Night befores leave me feeling wistful and nostalgic. The kids are getting ready to go out and reconnect with high school friends. I'm happy to be here at home, but I can remember how much fun it was when the cast of characters would reunite on this night every year. 

Pee just messaged me to see if we can rendezvous for our annual Turkey day coffee talk. Without hesitation I said, Of course because I love her and my cast has shrunk over the years. And really what is more important than honoring our connections. Making a little same time next year time for her is a given. Our bond was forged our first week at college and it's stayed true even though we live in different states and are not good at staying in close touch. The minute I see her, it's as if no time has elapsed. That folks is kismet.

And speaking of easy connections and high school, we're having breakfast with our oldest friends and kids on Saturday. Mike's childhood friend married my childhood friend and the rest is history. Not only ancient, but rich. It was the Shorewood girls and the Falls boys. Then we were two and they were two...K & M and J & C. Now we're four and four...the W's and the H's and I'm grateful for the way we still fit into one another's lives.

I reached out to another very old but estranged friend recently. We're meeting next week.  It's been long...too long and I tried to convince myself to let it go, but I know myself and that's just not me. I'm a holder on-to. I'll try, try and try again, but only when it's worth it. She is worth it. I won't say I don't have a host of feelings about it, but I know in my heart of hearts that she'll always have space in mine.

Today I took a brisk walk with my friend Candace who for many years was my mom's dear friend and also my boss. We traipsed through the trails and time stood still as we logged miles. I realized that I've not been making enough time for her lately and that is going to change because she is someone I can be completely unfiltered and raw with. We all need a friend like this. She is my older sister who knows me, has my best interests at heart and hears me without judgement. Btw I 'm her younger sister who gives her the same love and grace.Or at least I try to.

My younger frister, Jess, said yes to family date night last night. The five of us laughed through A Real Pain, but also left the movie having shared something powerful. It's true you can watch a movie side by side and leave from the individual experience with a communal understanding of the human condition. A little closer. We walked across the street, that's starting to look a lot like Christmas, for a little dinner after the show. And also to toast Lily who accepted her first choice internship for next summer. 

I'm feeling a tad happysad. I'm not sure it makes sense. My heart is so full with all of these beautiful bonds, and yet also mourning those missing pieces...my mom, Mark, and other loved ones so close and yet so far away. I'm also feeling the passage of time in a way that is visceral and fleeting. All I can hear is let it linger.