Grateful Lately

I give thanks for...

Fresh air. I left work early the other day to beat the forecasted snow squall and sneak in a few miles on the trails. I had no idea how badly I needed that. When the snow started to fall midway, I felt childish giddiness. We had the longest, loveliest fall, but now that we are on the countdown to Christmas, I'm ready for winter.

Ted and mom time. Mike traveled last week so Ted and I hung out in the evenings. One night he picked up dinner on his way home from the gym. Picked up and paid.

Ted's picking up his guitar again. He's in a John Mayer phase and I sort of love it.

Flannel sheeting all the beds.

Getting shit done. It's been a productive couple weeks at Casa Wags.

Brunch with family friends. The girls gave Lily great tips on her upcoming travel abroad from their own experiences.

Barcelona in one month! Visa arrived today. We're ticking of lists.

She got a sub-leaser. Only one, but as we know...it's better than none.

Just enough room on my lap for both Hazel and Gus.

We finally met Snowy's 4 week old kittens. We would love one, but we have a happy little duo right now, and trio when Manny comes to town.

 

Manny's spot on the hearth.

Progress. These boys side by side...

And almost cheek to cheek.

Where Gus goes when he needs alone time.

Hazel's spot is our bed. She doesn't even like Gus to get on it. She tolerated Manny last weekend when he jumped up to see what was going on. After a couple minutes, I gently removed him and my girl started to purr immediately and was extra lovey. Mike sent me the photo of Gus stealing Hazel's spot the other day when I was at work. I'll have you know, he's not been on the bed since.

 Wool pillows make perfect cozy perches for this little lady.

 This girl by day and then by night. Mike picked her up yesterday and between his car and the kids' Jeep she is moved out of the Saxony, home for a few weeks and then headed to Europe.

 

Their first weekend trip is planned for Interlaken, Switzerland. I like that because I know it's a very safe, clean, beautiful place for travelers which makes it a good maiden voyage.

Christmas cookies. Lils and I broke down and stocked up so we can crank out at least a few of our favorites.

We got our tree on a beautiful night last weekend and now it is up and lit with Gus's help. We'll all trim it tomorrow when Ted gets home Hazel and Gus included.

Rainbow trees.

The spirit of this season. Hope and light and love. The promise of peace. Good thoughts and generous deeds.

Holiday Weekending

We had a lovely and long holiday weekend. I was extra grateful that Lils was home the whole week messy room and all. It felt full in the way a bustling house does with visits and comings and goings. A house well loved and lived in. Wednesday night everyone was out so I nestled in to watch The Humans, a film I knew I'd love, but didn't want to subject the rest of the family too because it was a little dark. It spoke to that nugget of sadness I'm lugging around in this season of thanks and joy. Misery loves company. Melancholy wants recognition. Validation. I felt seen.

Lily was home first and in time to take charge of Thanksgiving dessert. I assisted. It was late. I procrastinated, but the Pumpkin Brownie Cheesecake was made thanks to my girl. 

I missed most of the parade. I didn't see a single Broadway number. In retrospect, it's for the best. I know it would have made me wistful for our postponed fall trip to NYC. There were numerous shows I was hoping to see while there. I also didn't get my annual pre-feast walk, but I got to spend time with Pee, which was more important. We caught up on our kids who are living the lives we lived when we first met. It was a full circle moment. 

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And the seasons they go 'round and ' round and the painted ponies go up and down...we're captive on a carousel of time...we can't return we can only look behind from where we came and go 'round and 'round and 'round on this circle game.

I first became acquainted with this song in college at Gamma Phi. We sang it often...after chapter meetings, at ceremonies, and just because. It was one of my favorite rituals and a warm, fuzzy memory from an often challenging, lonely period in my life.

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My parents prepared Thanksgiving again this year. There were rumblings about passing the baton or the bird, but they decided to carry on the tradition of two birds and too many sides on Woods Road for another year. We'll see what next year brings. I have a feeling that they'll keep doing it until they cannot, and even just typing that truth is one of the reasons I'm in my feelings this season. 

I insisted we get our annual picture on the deck before last light. There have been years that the darkness snuck up on us and we missed our window. And yes, I'm aware of the metaphor here. I'm tied to traditions this year. They feel more important for some reason that only slightly escapes me. After dinner, we lounged in the family room to digest and to cheer on the Packers.

Lils went shopping with the girls Friday and Ted played football and then poker with the guys. I  spent the better part of the day Christmasing the house with the good old crooners. I'm gravitating to light. Lights on everything. There's a candle in every window and twinkle lights on trees and boughs and I think that is enough. I thought I was going to deck every surface, but now I'm allowing myself to change my mind as everyone is want to do. The basement is a colossal mess of bins (a mess of everything tbh) that I will whittle down and put back in storage for someday or someone. What remains is the living room tree, which is the star of the season. I'm hoping to get one Saturday and will wait to decorate it until Lil's comes home next week. Yes already...next week...in a few days!

So Thanksgiving weekend is in the books and now I'm feeling slightly panicked about Christmas. I've not bought a single gift except for the kit kats who really need nothing. I guess that's the crux of it...no one needs anything or particularly wants anything that I can give them. I'm sitting with this reality and waiting for an idea as to how to enjoy gift giving in a more meaningful, intentional way this year. In a less is more, pay it forward, focus on the reason for the season sort of way that makes sense for our family. I love giving gifts so there will be presents under the tree, but I'm done buying just for the sake of buying. At the end of the day, things are overrated.

Connections

 

It's the night before. Night befores leave me feeling wistful and nostalgic. The kids are getting ready to go out and reconnect with high school friends. I'm happy to be here at home, but I can remember how much fun it was when the cast of characters would reunite on this night every year. 

Pee just messaged me to see if we can rendezvous for our annual Turkey day coffee talk. Without hesitation I said, Of course because I love her and my cast has shrunk over the years. And really what is more important than honoring our connections. Making a little same time next year time for her is a given. Our bond was forged our first week at college and it's stayed true even though we live in different states and are not good at staying in close touch. The minute I see her, it's as if no time has elapsed. That folks is kismet.

And speaking of easy connections and high school, we're having breakfast with our oldest friends and kids on Saturday. Mike's childhood friend married my childhood friend and the rest is history. Not only ancient, but rich. It was the Shorewood girls and the Falls boys. Then we were two and they were two...K & M and J & C. Now we're four and four...the W's and the H's and I'm grateful for the way we still fit into one another's lives.

I reached out to another very old but estranged friend recently. We're meeting next week.  It's been long...too long and I tried to convince myself to let it go, but I know myself and that's just not me. I'm a holder on-to. I'll try, try and try again, but only when it's worth it. She is worth it. I won't say I don't have a host of feelings about it, but I know in my heart of hearts that she'll always have space in mine.

Today I took a brisk walk with my friend Candace who for many years was my mom's dear friend and also my boss. We traipsed through the trails and time stood still as we logged miles. I realized that I've not been making enough time for her lately and that is going to change because she is someone I can be completely unfiltered and raw with. We all need a friend like this. She is my older sister who knows me, has my best interests at heart and hears me without judgement. Btw I 'm her younger sister who gives her the same love and grace.Or at least I try to.

My younger frister, Jess, said yes to family date night last night. The five of us laughed through A Real Pain, but also left the movie having shared something powerful. It's true you can watch a movie side by side and leave from the individual experience with a communal understanding of the human condition. A little closer. We walked across the street, that's starting to look a lot like Christmas, for a little dinner after the show. And also to toast Lily who accepted her first choice internship for next summer. 

I'm feeling a tad happysad. I'm not sure it makes sense. My heart is so full with all of these beautiful bonds, and yet also mourning those missing pieces...my mom, Mark, and other loved ones so close and yet so far away. I'm also feeling the passage of time in a way that is visceral and fleeting. All I can hear is let it linger.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

A cozy night in after a busy week. I was home to take my cousin's call. It was along overdue catch-up call with him and his wife.

The ability to pivot. New York had to be postponed. Don't ask, but Linda. We've managed to come up with a clever plan to engage our customers from afar. Fingers crossed.

A movie date. The last minute change in plans meant I was home to celebrate Mike's b-day mid-week with my boys. We saw Heretic. Hugh Grant plays a psycho psycho.

We welcomed Mike to the Birkenstock Club.

We sure missed this girl, but she'll be home for Thanksgiving week before we know it.

A Sunday lunch to celebrate November birthdays in the fam. My mil, bil, nephew and husband are Scorpios.

Meryl is a marathoner. She completed the race in Madison last weekend like a boss in the rain.

 

Manny. When I was Face-timing the kids this week, he was rubbing all over the phone. In cat speak, that is love.

True and constant friends. We had a couple's date with Pete and Sue Saturday. It's the kind of get together that's easy, comfortable and necessary at least once a month.

Pete's a dog guy, but also a Gus fan.

I totally perfected the copycat Crumbl Chocolate Chip Cookie and now I need to burn the recipe because each cookie has like 900 calories. Pete and Sue didn't know that so I sent them home with the leftovers.

My Christmas cactus today. She hasn't flowered in years. This was a lovely early and unexpected surprise waiting for me at work today.

November. Second only to October.

These loafers.

Free and fair elections. Mandates. Time for change and healing.

Constant companions.

 

 

 

A throwback. Sully Teddy.

Weekending

Last weekend was such a very good one. Food, family, friends and football on another lovely fall weekend. There was no standout crescendo. It was all steady surges of goodness from beginning to end. We stayed close to home and escaped the noise and I so needed that safety and sanity. Casa Wags was busy with kids and cats coming and going. That is just the way I like it. Hazel is warming up to Manny. Gus still can't stop hissing when Manny is nearby and he sits outside Ted's door on watch when he's on break. They both bounce back soon after he leaves. That's progress and that's good because we love when he comes to visit.

Thursday I made a stop for a glass of wine with Candace before getting Lils and company from the bus stop. They were home long enough to pack up the Jeep with Caesar wraps and other goodies I had for their road trip to Purdue. Their golf clubs too.

Ted got word that he passed his audit exam and he'll soon find out about his TCP exam. Woot Woot! Hopefully, just one to go. We were going to go out and celebrate Thursday night, but Meryl was editing her story until way past dinner time even for us. I think she'll be glad when election season ends. We made a pizza and watched Ted instead. All good.

We did our shopping this week at Costco and Gloriosos. I dread going to the big box, but I love my little Italian market. The amount of money we spent is insane, although to be fair, we did splurge on some items. We were having friends for the Badger game Saturday night and I decided to keep it easy and delicious. Meatball subs and muffalettas for the win. I cannot do any better than they do. I tried a copycat recipe for Crumbl's Chocolate Chip Cookie for dessert and it was as good as the real deal.The game was meh, but the night was fun and I loved when Teryl came to visit with the old folks after their movie date. 

Sunday was sort of rinse and repeat. Meryl had another rally. Ted went to watch football with friends. I had fun in the kitchen baking my favorite new recipe to use up overripe bananas...the naughtiest double chocolate banana bread. Enough for everyone. I also cleaned out all the pumpkins and roasted the seeds. Enough to share. Then I put together a lasagna for Sunday night football. The girls came back through town starving so I made them some quesadillas and sent them back to Madison with bags of goodies because I love spoiling them. The Packer game was lackluster and the constant driving rain made me extra grateful for my warm cozy den and large screen.

Tomorrow I will vote and then hold my breath. I don't think it's incendiary to say that this is a watershed election. Time will tell whether or not I'll be in New York this time next week. Ted and Mike will vote with me and I am so proud that my girl sent in her absentee ballot long ago. I wish Hazel and Gus could vote too.

Weekending

We just got home from a before dinner walk on what feels like a perfect summer night. The path is lined with leaves thanks to the warm breeze that's blowing. The sun slipped away around mile 2 leaving us in the dark. In a couple weeks, it will be dark before we set out as we march toward solstice. I'm a broken record, but honestly won't someone stop this train. Tell me you know that John Mayer song? It's one of his best.

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We're at Little Hills Lake floating around on rafts on a sunny day. Ted is three and just happy to sit on the water cycle aka jet ski even though it's tethered to the pier and not going anywhere. Charlie's content at Nanny's feet part of the party and dry. Soon we'll climb the ten flights of stairs for gloaming on the deck. We all got swimmer's itch, the rocks in the shallows rubbed our feet raw, it was hotter than Hades and we had no air, my brother was almost decapitated by the ceiling fan in the middle of the night (he was Ted's bunk mate), and yet it was THE best week of the year. No inkling of Lily on the way or Nanny's limited time. So scared of getting older. I'm only good at being young.

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We rolled into Madison Saturday morning and were immediately accosted by the 5 story naked Trump hung from a crane on the way into campus. That folks is the definition of deplorable, but it didn't dampen my mood because I believe this kind of distasteful antic exposes the real anti-democracy in our midst. No I'm not colorblind. I know the world is black and white.The streets are abuzz for Homecoming and driving through town is like a moving reel of all the once were and has beens. So many ghosts, but only a few goblins. We were in Madison for some time with Lily's friends and their parents. It was a fun day with a great group of people...some new, some known, and always far fewer than six degrees of separation between us a fact I find comforting. I felt old. I am old. So I play this numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun. 

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We graduated and got season tickets along with all of our friends...his, mine and soon enough just ours. We never missed a game without good reason for the better part of a decade. It seems like yesterday and also forever ago. How is this possible? To be so close and so far away. Try to keep an open mind. I just can't sleep on this tonight. 

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We didn't stay for the game and were home by halftime to watch from our den. We had a room and may have scored some tickets, but I knew the pre-game would be enough. And while a small part of me wanted to stay, it was the right choice to head home. Enough is such an interesting, self realized concept. The girls were toast after the game anyway. Stop this train. I want to go home again.

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Sunday we woke up refreshed and mostly ready to go. We had to make a candy run because I brought what I had for the girls. Mums, pumpkins and pumpkin bars too. Chicken, cold brew, and homemade vinaigrette as well. Trick or treaters were out in force and it made my heart happy to see all the kids who have moved into the neighborhood in the last few years running around in bands. I may or may not have dressed up like a kitty. My brother and sister in law came late afternoon to watch our other team...the Packers, and I finally got to make them my new star recipe...smash-burger tacos that are a serious game changer. Ted came home from a day of football with the boys. We played some cards and caught up. His CPA exam went well. Don't stop this train. Don't for a minute change the place you're in.

John honestly we'll never stop this train.