Happy Thanksgving

I'm up early on this holiday morning. It's a solemn gray day, which feels fitting. I'm not going to say that I'm sad, but my heart certainly is wistful. I'm convinced that's part of the human condition in 2020. I'm not wallowing...just honoring that sorrow that is part of life these days. I'm watching the Macy's parade as I do every year. Although I'm grateful it wasn't cancelled, this spectatorless version is strange. How festive can a parade be without goers? It seems wrong to see the streets of NYC so deserted.

When the rest of the fam gets up, we'll get in our pre-feast exercise. Mike and I will take our annual walk. We won't be ten around my dad's table this year. We were going to be and then Ted was exposed. He's in the clear, but COVID fear is a thing. My parents spent the week preparing their usual feast and we are gathering at my aunt's to swap out contributions and share a holiday toast in the aire libre. I think it's an honorable attempt at making lemonade out of lemons.

I'm grateful I don't have to cook, but most of all that I won't miss this annual meal I so enjoy. Last night Lily helped me prepare the apple crisps without my having to ask. My charge is dessert. Ted was in the kitchen with us getting comfortable with the cast iron skillet. I think he'll need one now because he was rather in awe of his chicken thighs seasoned with adobe. Rightfully so...they were delish. The boys retired to the family room for the Badger basketball game and Lils kept me company while I made Irish cream and set the table with things I found around the house.

It will be the four of us. Note I didn't say just. The four of us is enough. In fact, I'm rather looking forward to an easy going day with my best peeps.

I have an abundance to be grateful for on this day...everyday. First and foremost the love of family and friends. Everything else is gravy.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

My brother-in-law. He came to help Mike move a piano from our neighbor's across the street to our house. Moving pianos is serious business. He did it without a single complaint and then stayed for dinner: bowls of warm soup. That was his payment. It was a lovely way to start off the week.

We have a piano. It does need tuning.

My son, the GOAT. His team took first place in this semester's business school case competition. He was the presenter and one of the judges gave him his business card because he was rather impressed.

He'll be home for the holidays next week. He'll be home next week for months.

Grandpa hooked him up with one of his clients to talk about a business venture T Bone is working on. T Bone has lots of big ideas, but he needs guidance with developing a business plan.

Sue and I were talking about favorite Christmas movies this weekend. She was surprised I've never seen Love, Actually. It was delivered to me by Amazon on Monday. That was a happy and thoughtful surprise.

Staying connected as best we can. A long chat with my aunt in Michigan one evening this week..

A date with Candace this week. We walked the river trails on a beautiful 60 degree late afternoon and then came home for a glass of nice cab.

A mother daughter walk and talk this early evening. We're off to a good start for our girl's week. Lily let me read and nap while she made us dinner the other night and then we watched a movie. Rebecca. It was decent. Tonight will be another movie night. 

Tomorrow is a work day. I have a list of projects that need attention and I'm feeling ready to tackle them. Lily is volunteering at the food pantry. We'll probably do carryout and stay in cozy.

I'm scheduled for a COVID antibody test on Sunday. Ted, who tested negative for COVID, has one on Wednesday.

I'm putting up my dining room tree on Sunday. I'm seeing more and more decorating and while it seems just a tad early, I cannot deny that this year we need whimsy more than ever.

A new camo scarf. I love scarves and I love camo. Come December 1st, the only packages in the mail will be for others. The no shopping for oneself rule is a firm December edict.

Going to bed a little earlier to read. My main book this week is Empty. It's filling my head though.

  The impulse to narrow everything to inheritance can obscure other influences.

Getting up earlier. Twice this week I was up by 7 o'clock. I'm working on making that a habit.

A new plan for Thanksgiving this year. It's unlikely we'll be 10 around the table, but we're thinking creatively and  making the best of the shittiest year ever.

The Witching Hour

The witching hour is from 3 to 4 o'clock a.m in my book. When I find myself awake during these still dark as night early morning minutes, it's always trouble. Last night I woke and waited for sleep to return, but it was elusive. My mind was full of worries and lists and thoughts and plans. I'm concerned about Ted's COVID stricken roomie and fearing that Thanksgiving as we planned it must now be canceled. I'm feeling sorry for myself because this timing sucks, this virus sucks, 2020 sucks. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and if Ted comes home, we must stay home. How can we not let Ted come home?  I've made just one turkey in my tenure. Or let me rephrase that, my mom cooked a turkey in my oven the one year we hosted Thanksgiving. I know I can do it, but I don't want to. I'm feeling the pressure to get going on Christmas shopping and in the dark ink hours my mind is abuzz with ideas for gifts. There are countless other lists too. This COVID world makes it feel impossible to make progress...to move forward. I'm in the rabbit hole. I have monkey mind. I'm stuck. I finally relented, rose and headed down to my reading spot to pick up where I left off hours earlier with Empty. Tigger was happy to curl up beside me on a corner of the sherpa afghan. He was cold to the touch. His fur, his nose. Later I discovered that the window was cracked open in the powder room.

I briefly contemplated making coffee, but decided any caffeine would rule out any potential to drift off again. Susan Burton had my attention. Her Empty is filling my head with connections. We are peers in age and familial status. She speaks my language. And while I have never suffered from an eating disorder, I have certainly battled my body image for most of my life. I'm reading this memoir as a daughter, a mother and a friend. The level of insight is a little bit overwhelming in the way it is making me look in the mirror. Look long and hard. Stare. After 100 pages, I curled up and slept until sun-up. I was first to greet the day and it's been a long time since I'm the earliest riser. Tig stayed beside me the whole time and when I got moving, he headed upstairs to crawl in bed with Mike. It was one of those mornings I feel extremely jealous of my cat.

I was first in the office. That's a first in quite some time too. I finally got that coffee and also a jump start on my day. It's been a busy week and that is good. I like busy even if I'm still not used to it. I ran home for lunch so I could say goodbye to my deer hunter. He's headed north with the brothers and nephews for male bonding most of all. It's good for him. He's home most of all these days. A change of scenery is restorative...especially that scenery.

Lil's and I have few plans while he's gone because...COVID, but I'm sure we'll keep ourselves entertained. We're resourceful and ready for a change in routine too.

Weekending

This blog is becoming a weekend review. I'm not compelled to keep up the way I once did and that's okay. I'm still grateful for the occasional bits and pieces I manage to capture.

The weekend began again with dinner out on Thursday for Mike's birthday. He chose a favorite Mexican spot. It was festive with appropriate social distancing, and it was delicious. It felt like a special treat to be out two weeks in a row. The whole restaurant (all 10 people) sang Feliz Cumpleanos to Mike and the waitress brought him a shot of tequila. He approved.

Friday we were finally able to connect with my brother and sil. It's been some weeks so it was good to be together for happy hour (more tequila) and a big plate of nachos topped with the leftover tenderloin from the week. I'm pretty sure I want steak on any nacho I eat in my future. We caught up on life, took silly selfies, cried a little, hugged a lot.

We watched the Badgers win Saturday night in the Weslow's cozy family room. Sue made delish flank steak tacos and one of her amazing salads. She is the queen of salads. I brought a birthday cake for dessert to celebrate both Mike and Sue, our November babies. We were home and in bed by midnight, which is sort of unheard of when the four of us get together.

That was a good thing though because we had tickets for mass on Sunday morning. It's out first time back in a very long time and we all agreed that we've missed this almost weekly ritual. It was comforting to be in our pew singing and praying with other masked parishioners. I signed up again for this weekend. It will just be Lils and I as Mike will be up at the cabin for deer hunting. I felt out of sorts so the rest of the day was sort of lazy, and thus, perfect. I got sucked into a movie mid-afternoon. The Impossible had me in tears, but as sad as it was, it was also incredibly beautiful and inspiring. Mike watched the Packers play. Lils was busy with homework. I made two soups for the week: A Tortellini with Spinach and a Poblano Pepper with Chicken. I've been meaning to make both recipes and Sundays are always good days to chop and stir. Mike made dough for pizzas that night. We enjoyed our individual pies while we watched Undoing. It's been such a long time since I've watched anything real time. There's an urgency, an excitement with regard to gathering around the t.v. with the fam to see the latest episode. And then just like that it was time for bed and for another week. It's freaking me out a little that we're here in the middle of November, but I guess this happens every year.

Weekending

What a week it's been. A return to the best days of summer. Warm and breezy and sunny without a hint of humidity. The windows have been open day and night, Tigger's a fixture on the front porch and the neighborhood is abuzz with walkers and bikers. The weekend was just the right mix of getting out and staying put. It started Thursday with an early bday celebration for Mike on Thursday night. We went out with my aunt and uncle to a well-known steak joint near their house and we all ordered burgers much to Butch's chagrin. I overheard him in the kitchen: What is this McDonald's.!? I'm telling you that it was THE best burger I've had in maybe forever and I was beyond smitten to have half for brunch the next day. We had an after dinner drink at the bar and Butch joined us. I'd truly forgotten how many connections we've had. It was a perfect night of good times, food, and wine with family.

I worked on Friday morning and then cut out early to take Lils for her annual physical. We stopped at Whole Foods after to pick up lunch. We left with a bag of groceries $97 poorer. I remember when I'd get out of there for $50 a bag. Times have changed. It was a chillax and binge watch Yellowstone night for Mike and I. I've become hooked despite the lack of likable characters. I guess Rip is the redeemer.

Saturday we had dinner at my in laws for my mil's bday. What a gorgeous day it was for a celebration. We were also able to congratulate our niece who was recently married in a small ceremony on the water. She said her vows in the middle of a lake in a canoe surrounded by other canoes and kayaks. Her brother did the honors and even serenaded the newlyweds with a sea shanty on his ukulele. It sounds about right for weddings in the time of this pandemic. I cannot wait to see what their future holds and how they top this. This is one of my favorite things about these strange times: thinking outside the box.

 My parents stopped by Sunday afternoon for a visit and to take a spin in Lil's new Jeep. I sent them home with a fresh made loaf of my Mom's pumpkin bread, some of my new go-to whole wheat chocolate chip cookies that I've made numerous times in the past weeks, and a container of old school chicken noodle soup. My dad was feeling a little out of sorts and that's a winning trifecta for improving spirits. I was busy in the kitchen putting together a care package for Teddy who is working hard this semester with plenty to spare. I dropped off cookies for dessert to our favorite neighbors and was invited for happy hour on their beautiful patio. Mike and I stayed until after dark and then came home with a piano. (Or plans to inherit their piano this week.) We gave Lily the news at dinner. She's excited to start some lessons. I just may too. We watched this week's episode of Undoing before we were done.

It was good to be reminded this weekend that we are all in all of this together. I felt grateful for my peeps. I'm a lucky lady. It was a lesson in attention. Shining the light on the bright spots. Focusing on the good, on the present and not letting the monkeys get me down.

Grateful Friday

Sometimes my dreams scare me. Not just the truly frightening ones, but the dreams that are so insanely intricate, evocative or just smart. Last night I was playing a part in a movie. It was a damn good story too. I've also come up with great ideas for books while I sleep. Books I've yet to write. I've made some compelling points in difficult conversations that I wish I could be brave enough to share in waking hours. What scares me is that all these ideas, thoughts, opinions, desires....they exist somewhere in my brain. I am grateful for the brain.

About 4 a.m. this morning I was startled awake. Wide awake. I guessed the time before I verified it on my phone. After about a half an hour, I decided that I was well rested and should maybe get up and get a jump start on the day. I'm still stuck on or near 9 o'clock most days. I was cozy in bed with my guys so it was hard to motivate. I thought about all the things I could do with an extra few hours in my day should I just get up. All that thinking eventually tired me out and I drifted off again. That's when I had the major motion picture dream. Then I had a hard time getting out of bed at a reasonable hour because I wanted to see how the movie ended. I'm grateful for the ability to entertain myself.

I cannot believe it's Halloween tomorrow. We've I've had a lot of fun dressing up over the years. There was the time I showed up at a Halloween party that said come in costume only to be the only guest to do so. I was a full fledged witch...unrecognizable, except Mike wasn't in costume either so it was rather embarrassing. There was another time that I was a witch and I won a costume contest and literally turned my girlfriend alabaster when I came into her bar before closing. One year Mike went as Guy Fieri and I was an Iron Chef.  Come to think of it, we won for that too. I really loved the days of costuming my kids. Teddy was a bear (of course), Barney and Sully in his first three Halloweens. He won a school contest the year he dressed up as a nerd. It was a riot. Lils has been an angel, a lady bug, a butterfly, a rock star, a nerd, a witch to name just a few. This year there won't be any costumes. Trick or treat is cancelled. I'm not sad that my door bell won't be ringing all day, but I do feel for the kids that are missing out on yet another tradition of childhood. It seems to me that there are so many simple ideas to trick or treat safely. We'll do our own thing: carve a couple pumpkins, light all the candles and cue up something scary. I'm grateful we all like thrillers.

Ted's reported that he's got plans to go to a small party. Madison used to be the place to be on Halloween. Now State Street is all boarded up after rioting and looting. I'm glad he's having a little fun. He's earned it. He's been working hard and he landed the internship for a fortune 500 company this summer. Lils took herself to Michaels this week to get the supplies to make a blanket. She recognized the need for an outlet...for stress relief. Right now school is all the work and none of the fun. At some point, we have to weigh the cons of this, the impact on mental health, the long-term consequences. I'm grateful my kids are smart and self-motivated. Strong too.

Before long, the kids will be embarking on their second semesters. October will be a memory and we'll be in the whirlwind of the holiday season. This is my favorite stretch of months every year. The pandemic hasn't changed that, but it does make it ever more important to find and savor the joy moments. Moments like curling up in bed with Tigger for a night of reading. I finally finished The Dearly Beloved. It was not hallowed by me. The characters were flat as pancakes. That is the kiss of death in a character-driven novel. I blew through The Guest List in 24 hours partially because it was overdue and also because it was a quick whodunnit. Last night I picked up Gilead. I think it may be too soon after Wall's novel to fully appreciate. Moments in my kitchen. This week I made a Morning Glory Bread that was packed with apples, carrots and pineapple and then topped with nuts. I roasted squash and toasted the seeds. This feels like a good weekend to have something simmering low and slow on the stove top. I think it's time for a batch of my mom's pumpkin bread. Time outside in the fresh fall air doing yard work and taking trail walks. These are the moments that make life feel normal during this time of uncertainty, hostility, and confinement. I'm always grateful for the extraordinary ordinary.

 

 

Weekending

It's already Thursday, and I'm just now here to write about last weekend...on the cusp of another weekend. I'm not inclined to write much lately. I think that's because life has become very small in 2020. That's not a bad thing either, but there is a quiet redundancy that does not call for frequent testimony. Of course, Covid is a bad thing, but good things can come from adversity. I can also say that I feel protective of my opinions right now and that exercising my First Amendment rights seems like something that is inviting reproach. But I digress because what I came here to espouse upon was the wonderful weekend we had celebrating our 25th anniversary. Twenty-five years! We went 30 miles north and it was another world. Life has not changed much in small town America and I cannot lie: it felt like a breath of fresh air. For the most part, people were practicing social distancing and wearing masks, but they were not fear mongering. They were living their lives, taking care of business, celebrating birthdays and anniversaries, and smiling behind their masks.

 We took our time getting on the road Friday much to Miss Bit's chagrin because it was another rainy, chilly day in a stubborn forecast of foul weather. Lil's was excited to have the house all to her very own self...something that is a rarity now that we're all homebodies. And yes, we can trust our sixteen year old to stay home for a weekend solo. We picked up groceries and lunch on the way to Windmill Beach. The plan for the night was to find a place to watch the first Badger game of the season. We settled on a little place in Belgium sight unseen and we lasted until half-time. We love local haunts, but this place was indeed haunted, think Twilight Zone, and despite the fact that it was a sports bar, they had two tiny televisions. We went next door to quaint Lake Church for the second half, and it was a good move on all fronts. We enjoyed our night out alone together.

 Saturday morning we were up early anticipating Pete and Sue's arrival. They've never been to WB or any of the little towns in the vicinity so we were excited to show them around. And we definitely made the rounds. It was a dry day and the sun even showed up for a bit so it was perfect for bumming around. We stopped at the Oostburg bakery for goodies for Sunday morning, visited the Sheboygan farmer's market and lamented all weekend that we didn't buy the pork bundle. We had a boozy lunch at Il Ritrovo. Pizza four ways...well, two as the boys had the same pie. I am a pizza Napolitano girl. Upon our waiter's, Mr. Personality's, rec, I ordered the Occhio di Bue and now I will want a soft egg on every pizza I order. He also hooked me up with an oaked Montepulciano that sort of blew my taste buds. We cleaned our plates and then headed north to Kohler for some shopping and late afternoon cocktails. I love gifty type stores because I can always find something unique. Something for me, something for Lil and something for Ted. She was happy with the fru fru facial kit and nostalgic candy I brought home. His goodies are in route to him via USPS so hopefully he gets them before Halloween. Our last stop before heading home was the Market at Wood Lake to pick up the fixings for dinner. It was a no brainer: steak, shitakes, shrimp, potatoes and asparagus washed down with a nice Stags Leap...easy and festive. We toasted long lasting marriages and friendships early into the morning.

 

I was up first on Sunday so I finally finished my book. We had a slow start, but eventually we bundled up and walked what we could of the beach both ways. The lake is high and the beach is non-existent to the north and the south after a few houses. We hiked up deserted Marine drive instead. The eagles were in their nest. The colors are past peak, but the trees are still showy. I made a late brunch when we got home: eggs benedict and fruit. The boys watched a little more football, played another game of crib and Sue and I enjoyed the view that never gets old for a little longer before packing up. It started to snow before we hit the road. That was a bit serendipitous. We arrived home at dinner time, and Lils was surprisingly happy to see us. Tigger waited for us in our bed the 48 hours we were away. And as always, it was wonderful to be away and even better coming home to Casa Wags.