The Witching Hour

The witching hour is from 3 to 4 o'clock a.m in my book. When I find myself awake during these still dark as night early morning minutes, it's always trouble. Last night I woke and waited for sleep to return, but it was elusive. My mind was full of worries and lists and thoughts and plans. I'm concerned about Ted's COVID stricken roomie and fearing that Thanksgiving as we planned it must now be canceled. I'm feeling sorry for myself because this timing sucks, this virus sucks, 2020 sucks. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and if Ted comes home, we must stay home. How can we not let Ted come home?  I've made just one turkey in my tenure. Or let me rephrase that, my mom cooked a turkey in my oven the one year we hosted Thanksgiving. I know I can do it, but I don't want to. I'm feeling the pressure to get going on Christmas shopping and in the dark ink hours my mind is abuzz with ideas for gifts. There are countless other lists too. This COVID world makes it feel impossible to make progress...to move forward. I'm in the rabbit hole. I have monkey mind. I'm stuck. I finally relented, rose and headed down to my reading spot to pick up where I left off hours earlier with Empty. Tigger was happy to curl up beside me on a corner of the sherpa afghan. He was cold to the touch. His fur, his nose. Later I discovered that the window was cracked open in the powder room.

I briefly contemplated making coffee, but decided any caffeine would rule out any potential to drift off again. Susan Burton had my attention. Her Empty is filling my head with connections. We are peers in age and familial status. She speaks my language. And while I have never suffered from an eating disorder, I have certainly battled my body image for most of my life. I'm reading this memoir as a daughter, a mother and a friend. The level of insight is a little bit overwhelming in the way it is making me look in the mirror. Look long and hard. Stare. After 100 pages, I curled up and slept until sun-up. I was first to greet the day and it's been a long time since I'm the earliest riser. Tig stayed beside me the whole time and when I got moving, he headed upstairs to crawl in bed with Mike. It was one of those mornings I feel extremely jealous of my cat.

I was first in the office. That's a first in quite some time too. I finally got that coffee and also a jump start on my day. It's been a busy week and that is good. I like busy even if I'm still not used to it. I ran home for lunch so I could say goodbye to my deer hunter. He's headed north with the brothers and nephews for male bonding most of all. It's good for him. He's home most of all these days. A change of scenery is restorative...especially that scenery.

Lil's and I have few plans while he's gone because...COVID, but I'm sure we'll keep ourselves entertained. We're resourceful and ready for a change in routine too.