Firsts and Lasts and In Betweens

 

I just returned from an early morning walk on this cool, broody day. The trail is flush with sweet smelling phlox right now. Today was day 2 of Ted's commute to Chicago for work. I was up and out of the house by 5:30 to get him to the Hiawatha. I went back and forth between going back to bed the whole way home. Obviously, the healthier choice won thanks to one beaut of a sunrise. It won today. That won't always be the case, but I'll take my small victories when warranted.

I'm not much of a morning person these days, but I swear I have the best convos with my kids in the car so I'll take my driving duties without complaint. When I picked Ted up last night, he looked so the part: grown up, professional, confident, competent. I heard all about his first day back in the office and was reminded of so many first days.

That's a bit of a touchy subject right now. My brother-in-law took his last breath less than a week ago. It was sudden and heart breaking and completely devastating for the whole family. I'm not prepared to write about the tragedy right now, but it is enough to know that we are all feeling his pain. I pray he's at peace. He was such a kind soul, selfless and good. He took care of everybody, but himself.

The sadness and regret are heavy and constant, but we are holding one another tighter and longer than usual. We're also being more thoughtful, forgiving and grateful. If that's Mark's legacy, it's one he would certainly be proud of.

I think it's worth mentioning that the weekend was full of almost as many laughs as tears. I'm well versed in the way grief presents itself as a double edged sword. The sharp pains of sadness remind us of the absolute sanctity of moments of levity. The ache of loss reminds us of the power of plenty. It wasn't an easy choice to keep our Saturday might commitment, but it was a good one. It was, after all, a full circle moment celebrating Ted and O, our accomplished graduates. They've grown up together since the very beginning. Ted joined Olivia just days after her welcome to the world. We had a special dinner at the Capital Grille and then the guys surprised us with a stop at their guy's night haunt, The Thirsty Fox. Our high brow night turned low brow and it was sort of just what we needed...Who Let the Dogs Out and grenades. Night caps and a competitive game of Quiplash back at Casa Wags was the perfect last stop.

Sunday my brother and sister-in-law came for dinner to show us the love and support we so needed. They invited us, but I wanted to be home. Keeping busy in my kitchen was a good thing. So was comfort food: Chicken Parm, pasta, garlic bread with lots of butter. We played another few rounds of Quiplash. Gus was a frequent answer, and again it was good to have some fun even in this season of sadness. We know loss because we know love. It's as simple and tragic and beautiful as that.