The Countdown Is Always On

I went out for a walk this morning. It looks and feel like winter now, as it should. The days are gray more often than not, the trees are bare and the air is sobering. I love it. I’m in the minority. I didn’t see any other walkers on the trails. Truth is, I prefer it this way.

I was going through my to-dos as I logged miles. Not very zen of me, I know. It suddenly struck me that we are less than two weeks from Christmas...that we are almost halfway through one of my favorite months of the year. I felt more sad than panicked. Sad because I am so happy.

Tell me you understand this. The idea that being filled to the brim with joyful spirit can cause thrumming melancholy.

I suppose it’s no accident that when I got in my car and opted for music, Watermark came on. I recently found this CD and added it to my changer. I know…very 90s of me. I listened to this music constantly while my mother was dying and then while I was grieving. It comforted me like nothing else could. I felt my eyes well up as I became reacquainted with these old friends. Then I had to sit in my car in the parking lot until I was able to gather myself after hearing All Things New. The title track was the sucker punching song.

Before I got out of the car, I promised to go to church this weekend. I am not proud of my extended and unintended absence especially at this time of year when being there enhances everything for me. The reason for the season they say. It's true.

Last night Candace called and we decided to get together for happy hour. It was a happy hour, indeed. I never question what a blessing her friendship is in my life. All I wanted to do was sit beside my tree and be. These are the moments I cherish this time of year not the gallivanting or party hopping. Not the going going going.

Last Sunday I hosted a brunch. It was a lovely afternoon of good friends and food. I looked forward to it all weekend. I tried to prepare their favorite things, festively set my table, made a playlist and sent them home with lots of leftovers and an ivy wreath lit with fairy lights. Ivy is a symbol of enduring friendship. It was appropriate. Mike found the box of Limoges china I kept from my Grandma’s house in the basement without a grumble. I don’t recall Rosie ever using this china, but she was of the generation where you squirrel away and save for really special occasions. This brunch was in fact that and I am the opposite of a treasure saver so I was excited to enjoy it. I may just use it again for the brunch I’m hosting on Christmas.

Friday Lily helped me decorate our tree. We put on Christmas music and she indulged me by listening to many stories she’s heard many times about the cast of ornaments on our tree. It was sweet of Ted to suggest that we could wait to decorate until he returns for break, but I couldn’t wait that long. One of my favorite things is to bask in the light of the tree and go back in time with each ornament.

Mike figured out how to hang a big garland bough over our front door when I asked him. It looks so festive and I love it. I love him. Again he didn’t complain when it took longer than he thought and didn’t exactly go as planned.

These are the true gifts of the season. Time. Togetherness. Tradition. Patience. Peace. Selflessness. Kindness. Care.  

I took a box of the other kinds of gifts to UPS the other day. Although I will say,  I had extra fun this year shopping for my cousins’ kids now that mine are all about electronics and expensive shoes. I thought about what I would want if I were an eleven year old girl, a nine year old boy, a five year old boy or a two year old boy. I used to send clothes, but that’s no fun for them. I want to be the fun cousin.

I’ve hammered out a good chunk of my shopping and I feel excited about the things that will be going under the tree. Tomorrow Mike and I will tackle the better part of the rest of our list. Before we head out to shop, I will suggest we clear our heads with a hike around the Audubon. I’m pretty sure that he’ll agree. We'll shop. We'll lunch. It's become our thing.

Tonight I may make some cookies. I haven’t gotten very far in the baking department this year. I made Ted’s favorite Oreo Truffles and Buckeyes. He and Yash got them in their St Nick stockings. Yash doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but I still sent him a stocking filled with things to get him through finals. Doing the unexpected is a major source of joy for me especially at this time of year. I made macaroons. Not very Christmasy, but they’re Jess’s favorite. I am leaning toward trying some new recipes. We’ll see how many I get to.

Next week will be all about wrapping. Celebrations commence then. I'll also finish the final touches for the gatherings I'm hosting. I love that part: menu planning, setting the table, arranging the flowers. In between, I'll be sitting beside the tree and I won't be alone.