Life

I've been MIA. I spent the weekend in a be.here.now state of mind. I was present and filled with gratitude. I was finding inspiration everywhere. I was honoring the small stuff like a majestic full moon, a fresh baked loaf of bread becoming a delicious panzanella, breaking bread with neighbors and friends. I went to bed Sunday night feeling ready to take on the week after a weekend that offered rest and replenishment.

I'm feeling the elusiveness that is the final chapter of summer. August is here and not for long. I've been working hard to stay in the moment. To get ahead of myself is to miss the simple fleeting magic. Be.here.now is not as easy as it sounds.

I answered the phone Monday morning and the modicum of zen I achieved was dashed. I couldn't even wrap my mind around the news that my aunt was in the hospital in a coma. It seemed inconceivable that my young and healthy aunt suffered a heart attack and cardiac arrest. Disbelief turned to shock turned to paralysis turned to response. It only took a few minutes for a reaction. It's an important few minutes though.

That my aunt just texted me to tell me she's getting out of the hospital today - four days after she was brought back to life and then put on ice - is nothing short of a miracle. I chalked up the ICU doctor's stony expression as arrogance that first day. I've had two encounters with her since and she has a beautiful, warm smile and happy eyes. She wasn't aloof, she was terrified. She witnessed a miracle too. 

When I stood at her bedside and held her icy hand while the ventilator kept her alive, I told my aunt it wasn't her time. I told her to rest and heal and come back to us when she was ready, and I believed she would. I believed it because I needed too, but also because I felt it. Ten minutes later and she would have been alone with no one to perform CPR. That would've been rather final.

While I cannot fathom a God who would put my uncle through that only to lose her in the end, I plumb one who wants to get our attention. Listen he says. Look at your life. Consider what really matters. Forgive others and forgive yourself. Let it go. Don't worry so much. Be good, be kind, be faithful. Give thanks, give love, give grace.  

We're all hugging each other more and a little longer. Saying that which often goes unsaid. Saying yes when we can. Putting one another first. And thanking God for the gift of life.