When I went to bed last night already another year older, the sky was lit up with long flashes of lightning and rumbling laboriously with thunder. The intense overnight storm left us a wet and dreary morning. It's perfect really. Perfect for introspection...self-reflection...contemplation. It's what I'm called to do on this day each year. It is my own personal new year and I don't welcome it lightly. I know it's a gift so I am grateful. I can tell you the last year has been a challenge and so I'm humbled. It is my feeling that there is not enough gratitude or humility in the world. I offer this observation to say that I am in a mostly good space.
The trials...they've tested me, taken me far out of my comfort zone, taught me important things about myself and others and oddly enough, they've given me strength: strength in spirit not the brawn of a powerful body. A steadfastness I know I will have to call on in the upcoming months as I continue to parse out and prune this path I'm on.
It's easy to be critical of all the bad decisions and wrong turns in my past, but I'm trying to see them as character building lessons. It's true that I feel bigger things could have...should have been in my past, but those visions of grandeur pale in comparison to the success I feel as a mother. Being a mother gives my life beautiful, bountiful meaning. I am proudest of my two. And I will take some credit in the fact that the best kind of people they are is not an accident.
They will be my finest legacy, but I plan to keep living my life in such a way that there will be more to my heritage to make me proud. Not because I seek the praise and attention of others, but because I need to prove it to myself. Important things are in my future. Important to me.
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