This and That Today

I've been hibernating after a busy to the brim weekend. The weather has been conducive to staying comatose under a fuzzy afghan all the day long. We're in a serious stretch of cold here. Mother Nature's timing is just right too because I am feeling a little bit under the weather the past few days. It kind of started after my heavenly painful, very deep tissue massage Saturday morning. Auriel quickly determined that the right side of my pelvis was tipped forward and 2 inches higher than my left side again, which then causes all sorts of compensation, torquing and disalignment straight up through my neck. She said something about my "lower back of steel," which I'm pretty certain is not a compliment unless you are talking about abs or buns. I wanted to cry when our 75 minutes was up...it just hurt that good. I booked another massage for this evening and left there feeling like a brand new woman. That only lasted until I woke up Sunday morning with a back so bruised I was sure I moonlighted in a boxing ring with more than one heavy weight.

It would probably have been astute to opt out of the snow bowl my brother planned before the Super Bowl, but it was snowing beautifully outside, my kids (and their uncle) were so stoked for the festive competition, I had a little liquid courage and do tend to fantasize that I am, indeed, the Little Engine That Could on a daily basis. I tackled, was tackled and tromped and traipsed through feet of snow all in the name of the game. And it was fun, exhausting but ultimately painful. I confess that I am a little nervous about exactly what sort of state Auriel is going to find my back in today, and also beyond grateful for her attention to every muscle, ligament and tendon.

Sunday's late night of Super Bowl revelry - but...WE WON! WE WON! - can also be blamed for my low energy this week. I'm still recovering from too little sleep and too much everything else. Eating pulled pork sandwiches and meatball sandwiches and buffalo chicken dip washed down with chilled chardonnay does nothing for one's insides when they've been unaccustomed to goo and grease, but oh was it good. The kids had a ball too. Well, until Monday morning when Miss Bit pulled off her sleeping mask upon waking and declared, "It cannot be! I've only slept 2 hours!" Now let me just assure you that it was much more than two measly hours, but also much less than her desired 10 1/2 hours of beauty sleep. I'm not a candidate for mother of the year after Sunday night's antics, or after parking myself on the couch to watch The Bachelor Monday night. The good news is that the rest of the week I can only get better....do better...be better.

To that end, I went to the market yesterday and stocked up on all varieties of good for us food. My cart was a rainbow of reds and greens and oranges and yellows. Never mind that we had the Boyscout Blue & Gold dinner last night where the salad was all iceberg and nothing else. Not a tomato or a cucumber or a pepper was to be found in the massive bowl. The lasagna had 20 pounds of cheese per pan, and someone told me they actually saw my son eating a pat of butter. When I'm finished here, I'm going to start a pot of soup for dinner: split pea with lots of carrots and celery, a few red potatoes and a couple jalapenos (that's my secret), and then I have a date with my treadmill.

And on being healthy....incidentally, Miss Bit asked me if I thought she was fat last night. She's 6 1/2! She just celebrated her half birthday on Monday. I assured her that she is beautiful and healthy, and yet she admitted that she thinks her tummy is fat. She worried that she shouldn't have eaten the cake after dinner. She's in first grade and already she is on the road to developing body issues. I find that so sad and so scary, but I'm also glad that she's talking about it with me.

I was talking with a 10 year old girl last night at the dinner. Well, she was talking with me in between texts with her friends. WTH? She was updating me on who the couples were in 4th grade since T. Bone doesn't go to that school anymore. I asked her what it means exactly "to be a couple" when one is only 10. It's innocent enough. They profess their like, write each other notes, send messages through their friends, play coy and shy, avoid each other like the plague and then break up with confused feelings. It's innocent enough...for a teenager that is! I didn't "go steady" with a boy until 7th grade. Cell phones, texts and dating drama have no place in the lives of 10 year olds as far as this mother of one is concerned. This morning at breakfast, I asked T. Bone if any of that was going on in his class. With complete and utter disgust he ponied up that so in so likes so in so, and then he added that he just didn't even see the point in liking girls until like 8th grade. I know...we'll see about that, but I do love my little jock.

And now that Miss Bit is 6 1/2 she's decided that she is ready to get her ears pierced. I have more mixed emotions about that rite of passage than I thought. They grow up so fast, yet I refuse to throw my hands up in the air in exasperation. In some ways, they only grow up as fast as we let them. I can say 'no' to earings and inappropriate clothing. I don't give them cell phones, or tv's and computers in their rooms, although they're smart enough not to ask. I can monitor their media exposure. I can encourage certain friendships and discourage unhealthy relationships. I can teach them values. I can live by example and lead them in this process of growing up. And here's the thing...it's never too late to decide you've been too lenient, too indulgent, too mollycoddling, too permissive. It's never too late to put your foot down, to open your ears and eyes, to hold out your hand. Parenting requires constant revisiting, refeeling, readjusting. It's the hardest job I've ever held, and also the most beautiful.

And that brings me right back to my massage if you're still with me. I had the same exact problem almost exactly a year ago. Not debilitating pain just close to constant discomfort. Kind of like the grief that I live with day after day. The pain became a part of my daily life...I dealt with it, I accepted it. As Auriel worked out the kinks and knots that came from everything from childbirth to stress, I found myself feeling so much physical relief and also a flood of emotional release. I cried as the tension dissipated and it was as if each knot was a samskara that had left a mark not only on my psyche, but also my back....an imprint not only on my body, but also my mind. In that moment, I organically felt the connection between my physical and emotional pain. I realized that I deserve to feel good, and I gave myself permission to take care of me too. I thought about what I teach my children when I deny my own needs. That doesn't seem to be a very strong example. Living well...working out the tangles and through the wrinkles...is not easy, but the beautiful result is worth it.

That's all I know today, and I think that's enough.

On My Mind Monday

Things when magnified, are forgeries of happiness.

Joshua Heschel

Just think about that for a few minutes.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Last Sunday's sermon. Father T. spoke of blessings...ordinary, everyday blessings and how every little thing is a blessing if we choose for it to be. It's right where I'm at so yes, I found the timing rather prodigious.

T. Bone's class talked about grace during Sunday school. When I asked him to explain grace to me, he did so rather poignantly..."beautiful love."

Miss Bit came to get me the other night after I tucked her in because she was missing her Nanny. She just about broke this mama's heart when she said, "I almost can't hear what she sounds like anymore Mom." I promised her that we'll watch some family movies this week. To think that one of my Mom's biggest fears in facing her death was that her four year old granddaughter was too young to remember her.

Father T. also talked about being blessings to people in our lives this week. One way he suggested that we spread the divine was through random acts of kindness. It got me to thinking that there's really nothing at all random about beneficence or graciousness. Good will is anything but accidental.

Miss Bit was so inspired by the book of jokes T. Bone brought home from a birthday party last weekend that she's decided to do a little stand-up routine for her 2 minute solo performance for next week's acting class. Surely her Nanny has a hand in this.

Time to bake this week. Cookies for T. Bone's teacher, Valentine's cupcakes for the kiddos and malted milk ball krispie treats for the weekend.

One more football Sunday. Go Pack!

New bathing suits and matching flip flops in the middle of winter.

Miss Bit's Valentine's tree.

Homemade salad dressing...so fresh, so easy. A little good balsamic vinegar, some decent olive oil, a little fresh minced garlic, a dollop of Dijon, some salt and pepper to taste. I'm not sure I'll ever buy another bottle of dressing.

My sil for picking up my kids from school the other day in a pinch. she had to rush a customer out and close up the store for the day too!

McD's oatmeal. It's good, pretty healthy and cheap.

Williams Sonoma chocolate marshmallows. They make a cup of cocoa a very special treat.

Miss Bit and I have a dinner date tomorrow with some other mother/daughter friends of our's. The boys have plans to go out to BW3.

Snow days this week. The kids had 1...I took 2.

Good conferences for both kids. T. Bone wrote, "I should work on focusing harder when funny jokes happen," in his self-reflection. That was pretty much the only thing he needs to work on.

A massage tomorrow.

Our new spice: fresh ginger.

Our new grain...quinoa.

Negative numbers on the scale and positive numbers on the treadmill. I started running again this week.

Miss Bit had a playdate with a new friend this week. She was so excited that she had trouble sleeping the night before.

Scenes From a Snow Day

Number of inches of snow that fell overnight....................17!

Number of crimson breasted cardinals cowering in the bushes................7

Number of friends over to play..................5 (4 boys and a girl)

Number of people hubby came to the rescue for with his snow blower.............2

Number of cupcakes consumed.................................................12

Number of cups of hot cocoa served.......................I lost count

Number of times I mopped the mudroom floor............countless

Number of minutes until it's cocktail hour..................too many

The Bizzard of 2011..............................................Worth it all!

SNOW IS A STATE OF MIND

Snow is....the peace of Vince Guaraldi sounding through the shelter of the house, the ease of curling up with an extra mug of strong coffee and a good book or two or three in flannel pajamas and fuzzy slippers, the warmth of a pot of soup simmering on the stove, the comfort of homemade bread rising on the counter, the joy of watching the fat flakes fall fast to the ground, the tranquility of the pure and pristine blanket the crystals drape over the world, the revelry of rosy cheeked kids bounding through the banks and neighbors firing up snowblowers in fellowship, the contentment of a dense, chocolatey cup of cocoa topped with airy whipped cream, the calm of having to go nowhere, to do nothing as we wait out the storm and then brace ourselves for the real storm yet to come.

On My Mind Monday

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I felt it all, all at once – that time can slow to a near standstill by existing inside it. By not pushing through it, or past it – by not wishing it away, nor trying to capture it. It was a lesson I needed to learn over and over again: to stop and simply be. To recognize these moments and enter them – with reverence and an unprotected heart – as if walking into a cathedral.

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Dani Shapiro - Devotion

Right Now

Reading:

• Dani Shapiro. I finished Family History last week, and her first memoir yesterday. Slow Motion was another raw and gritty read.
• Ina's how easy was that? I so heart the Barefoot Contessa.
• Alice Munro's short stories and Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird.

Watching:

• The first season of Little House on the Prairie. Miss Bit is tickled by Laura's nickname...Half Pint, and lovingly referring to her own Dad as Pa. T. Bone is not even opposed to joining us for an episode.
• American Idol. I am smitten with Steven Tyler and liking J. Lo much more than I expected to.
• Packer's football!!!!
• The Real Housewives of where ever...a very guilty pleasure.

Listening to:

• Nothing at all, but the world around me. I've been turning off the tunes in favor of quiet, and leaving my music at home when I set out for a walk. There is plenty enough noise in my head...thank you.

Eating:

• Lean and clean. Lots of fresh fruits and veggies and no processed or refined foods.
• Last week's winner...lettuce wraps.
• On this week's menu: cilantro baked tilapia, spicy tomato soup and turkey burgers with feta and red onion.

Feeling:

• Content.
• Full.
• Light.
• Right.

Doing:

• What my heart desires, what my soul whispers, what my body craves.
• Taking care of myself and my family.
• Only what I absolutely have to do or truly want to do. I'm living with purpose...my purpose.
• Striving to be the best me I can be.

Dreaming:

• Of finally giving myself permission to do what I'm most passionate about.
• Of a snowstorm so paralyzing that we have snow days...not a single snow day. (And on that front this week looks promising.)
• Of helping my kid's make their dreams come true.