A Happy 2014!

We woke up to snow today.  The pretty kind of flakes that dance and twirl their way to the frozen ground. Everything white and peaceful and purified.  Truthfully, it is just the kind of scene that warms my heart on a cold January day.  I am happy to welcome the new year fireside with my little family.  These are the kind of moments that remind me that I really don't need much, and also that I have all I need.  So it is with a heart full of harmony that I say goodbye to 2013 and hello to 2014.

We went to an matinee showing of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty yesterday afternoon, and all six of us gave it rave reviews.  We stopped by my aunt and uncle's for a little holiday cheer before dropping Ted at a friend's for the night.  He hemmed and hawed at whether or not to go.  Coach and I mused that it would be our first New Year's without our son as we remembered our first with him.  He was just five days old.  He went.

Our 13 year old called home at midnight.  Miss Bit was snuggled between Coach and me as we watched the ball drop with money in our hands.  (No herring this year sorry Dad.)  The phone rang right at 4-3-2.  It was T. Bone a little homesick after all.  So we all shouted Happy New Year as the clock ran out.  Together even though apart.

Reflecting

When I say that the last week was a whirlwind, I know I'm not special.  It just strikes me especially since I made a concerted effort to simplify this year.  And while we did slow down, time didn't get the message and seemed to move even faster as if that is even possible.  We had little to do Christmas Eve day but were still scrambling to take a much needed walk, pick up a last minute gift and get our cupcakes iced.  My little elves volunteered for the task when they heard me grumbling in the kitchen, and they did a fantastic job.  It reminded me that it's OK to ask for help, to ease up a bit on the reins and to not allow perfect to ruin good.

We were in our usual pew by 3:35 for 4:30 mass so the last minute scrambling seemed to be in vain until the choral concert started and peace came over me like a warm blanket.  I closed my eyes and soaked it in so grateful not to be hurrying in late to SRO after jockeying for a parking spot.  It was a gift to be able to sit in solemnity.  I vowed that we will always be early for this my favorite mass of the year.

After a spirited rendition of Hark the Herald Angels Sing, we traveled along Lake Drive admiring the beautiful light snow and all the twinkling lights.  We passed a couple UPS trucks still making last minute deliveries, and it struck me as rather ridiculous. I made a mental note to finish my holiday shopping early in December lest the focus be more on the gifts than the birth.

We arrived at my brother and SIL's to quite the LL Bean scene: roaring fire, windows all trimmed in wreaths, candles lit, and champagne or kiddie cocktails served.  We broke from our traditional tenderloin and potatoes meal, and instead enjoyed a menu that represented favorites from all of our Christmases past. It was a trip down memory lane and also decadently delicious.  Sometimes change is good.  Time honored traditions are the glue that holds the family together, but adapting them is what keeps the family moving forward.

Of course, the kids were eager to open gifts.  And my brother who is the biggest kid of all was anxious for them to dig into their piles.  Wow!  Just wow.  We are all blessed beyond measure.  So much thoughtful generosity.  Too much.  I will continue to strive for less even as I concede it is not a popular premise.

Before the end of the night, T. Bone was snoozing on one couch in the sun room and his Grandpa on another.  Miss Bit was starting to doze off in a chair beside the fire.  It was 2:00 even if it felt like it couldn't possibly be a minute after midnight.  It was time to pack up so we could be snug in our beds before Santa's arrival.  I don't like when good things come to an end.  Christmas Eve is my favorite night of the year so of course I would prefer it last forever.  Yet I know the spirit of kindness, togetherness and goodwill that is Christmas can last as long as we bear it.

We came home to pour egg nog and handpick cookies for Santa, and chop an apple or two for the reindeer crew.  Then coach and I sat beside the tree for a few quiet moments and took a few deep breaths...to inhale more joy and exhale a bit of sorrow.  They are so closely woven together for me even on this beautiful night.

I set my alarm and felt a a slight tug at my heartstrings.  Gone are the days when the kids wake us at 6:00 a.m. too excited to sleep another single wink. Pang  Now we wake them, have time to brew coffee and retrieve the camera before they roll out of bed.  Santa didn't bring T. Bone his Jack Lalane juicer, but he seemed quite pleased with the things he did get.  He was especially happy with his new guitar.  Miss Bit was beside herself over her bow and arrow, and we quickly had to do an etiquette lesson on who and where it is appropriate to aim.  The cats have more fun with the boxes and bows than is legal.  They think every gift is for them.  They are really just our little furry children.  These quiet family moments are the most important to me and I need to carve out more of them in the midst of the hustle.

We barely had time to bake off the cinnamon buns I mixed, kneaded and rolled the day before.  The visions of a leisurely family breakfast quickly had to be dashed because we were running late for our next celebration.  I am learning that there are often times when something in life has gotta give...on Christmas morning it was this new tradition.  Next year, I'll make it work I tell myself.

We spent Christmas afternoon and eve at my in laws where the whole family gathered.  There were more gifts.  I hit the favorite things trifecta: a kitchen gadget, a neck bauble and a book. We enjoyed more good food and games too.  We introduced the family to Wizard, and just as we suspected, it was a big hit.  The best gifts are those that encourage more togetherness, and we all received plenty of those this Christmas.

So while I'm glad it's over...it was a good one, I'm thankful for the bright spots and memories, and now  I'm gearing up for 2014.

two day pass

you may have heard read that we now have a teenager in the house.
we celebrated t. bone's milestone coming of age on his birthday friday with a small surprise party.
the theme...his favorite people and his favorite eats.
1. buffalo wild wings
2. french fries
3. flamin' hot cheetos
4. sour cream and cheddar chips
5. sour patch kids
6. kit kat bites
7. rocky's pizza
8. rocky's breadsticks
9. el calderone pizza
10. garlic bread
11. heath bar cake
12. kopps custard
13. a 7 up bar.
do your teeth ache just reading that list?
does your stomach hurt?
i made a salad too for those of us who like to eat the healthier food groups.
he felt special being the center of attention and excited to get his first phone.
he has been texting his uncle all weekend fully embracing the idea of umlimited.
saturday we all embraced the term chillax.
the kids played lots of mine craft.
coach and i binged on homeland and leftover pizza.
until it was time to gather for a pre-bowling dinner.
it was our first time at the lanes in months and coach was on fire.
i was my usual inconsistent, but we had fun all the same.
especially since our partners finally made it for their first time.
sunday was intentionally another day slow to start.
we all have the post holiday hangover that comes from burning the candle at both ends for days.
managing a workout both saturday and sunday felt cleansing.
my brother and sil came bearing chili before game time.
healthy, yummy chili made with ground turkey and plenty of spice.
never mind the cheesy rolls or wienie wraps.
we settled in to cheer the packers onto a last minute victory.
when they left, the kids went back to playing mine craft and coach and i cued up another episode or three of homeland.
i made the kids come to bed with me at midnight.
something tells me we are all in for rude awakenings come january 2nd when it's back to stricter schedules and healthier menus.
until then we will indulge and enjoy what is left of this holiday season...all that remains of this year.

Happy Birthday Theodore Michael!

You are still sleeping as I write this little birthday letter.  It appears that you turn 13, and suddenly sleep is good for you.  Well, you are a growing boy.  I mean young man.  You hover over me now, and are gaining on Dad in both height and shoe size.  In just a few minutes...8:12 to be exact which you reminded me last night...you will officially become a teenager.  And I meant what I said as I tucked you in: it was one of the very best days of my life.  Becoming your Mom was such a beautiful gift...a gift I treasure every day...all 4,745 of them!

I can still clearly remember not just the day, but the moment you were born on this same snowy day in 2000. It truly was life changing for me to become a Mom...to become your Mom.  Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral was playing in the background.  The Irish Lullaby was interrupted first by Dr. Trebian saying "It's a boy!" which I already so strongly suspected that one could say I knew.  Then you cried followed by Nanny.  I'm crying right now those same tears of joy. Daddy whispered over and over, "We have our boy!" with a slight sense of disbelief.  It felt like we had been waiting for you forever even though you were a week early.  In those first few moments, we shared the sense that we were just getting to know you and yet that we had always known you.

We had already been awake for 24 hours when you were born.  We never went to bed on the 26th.  My water broke close to 11:00 p.m. We didn't sleep on the 27th either as I recall.  Joy is a most powerful source of adrenaline. When we weren't introducing you to your excited family and friends, we were just staring at you in absolute awe.   I couldn't believe you were mine.  Just like I cannot believe you are 13.

I confess that at times I am nostalgic for the baby days when your chubby cheeks were ruby red and eager to be kissed.  I miss your hoarse and lispy toddler voice always asking why? But why?and that signature toe headed mop of hair.  I feel a longing when I picture you in your Yankee uniform sporting your first buzz cut up at bat...a little boy on a big field.  This spring you'll move up to THE BIG field.  Almost a decade older, but still playing ball and likely wearing the same crew cut.  So things change and yet they stay the same. You'll always be my little boy.  Time marches on I guess it always will, but deep inside my heart time stands still. Still in those defining, sustaining moments.

It's an understatement to say I am proud of you Teddy. You are an amazing young man in every way. While it is true as your Mom I may be a bit biased, I cannot say the same of others who know you and know you to be a young man of great character, mind and spirit. Your future is bright, and I am blessed to be behind the scenes of your journey to see what trails you blaze (and not just on the ski slopes)!

So on this milestone of a day I want to leave you with this one wish.  My wish for you is that you seek and find your passions in life, and then live them to the fullest without forgetting where you came from or where you ultimately are going.

I love you always and forever and to infinity and beyond T. Bone,

Mom

 

2 day pass

it was a busy weekend packed full of friends and fun.
there is an itty bitty part of me that is looking forward to going to work today just so i can sit and my desk and sip coffee in quiet.
no cookies to bake, or carols to sing, or packages to wrap.
most of us had lots of messy fun at our friend's annual margarita cookie night friday.
although none of us had margaritas, and miss bit wasn't even there as she was off skating away again with aunt jess.
saturday we were up early for our annual breakfast with santa.
often the hour drive north is harrowingly snowy.
saturday it was just like a picture.
in fact, coach stopped several times so i could take a snap or two...
and with my new i phone, which i am loving so much more than my old droid.
merry christmas to me!
friday's forecast was for freezing rain which made the trees appear to be painted in pristine white ice.
we met our friends at the resort and we all enjoyed time together before divulging our wishes to the big guy.
he set them forth with his usual: remember santa only brings what santa thinks you should have.
the little g's came home with us for the rest of the afternoon so mom and dad g. could attend to those lists.
the 5 kids spent time sledding before retiring to the family room for pizza and the hunger games.
we adults eventually gathered around the christmas tree for a little holiday cheer before calling it a day and night.
the phone woke us very early sunday morning to tell us there would be no sunday school.
i looked out the window and saw that the weatherman was right.
i couldn't tell where our yard ended and the road began.
we decided it would be a snow day despite the fact that i badly wanted to be in church for the last sunday of advent.
i spent most of the day baking.
i finished up my gingerbread boys and squirrels (what? doesn't everyone make christmas squirrels), made a batch of sugar cookie cut outs and miss bit's favorite peanut butter cup kisses.
coach inspired a family cookie decorating contest.
the kids tied.
they wanted to eat their decked out trees but i wanted to look at them for awhile.
miss bit and her friend played outside for hours in the snow until their fingers were frozen and their cheeks as red as rudolph's nose..
t. bone built a mini ski hill and jump with coach's help.
most people i know don't snow blow their yards, but where there's a will there's a way.
coach made pot roast with fingerling potatoes, cherry tomatoes and olives.
it's a curtis stone recipe.
at first coach was questioning the combination of ingredients, but quickly he saw the benefit of the acidic and briny elements and he took control of the cassoulet to my delight.
it was the best pot roast i have ever tasted.
and no it had nothing to do with the fact that i hadn't eaten all day.
after dinner, we headed to the basement for wrapapalooza.
i'd say we beauted up 100 gifts.
working at the ping pong table makes the task so much easier to tackle.
coach's patience does too.
at midnight, i finally sent the kids to bed and curled up with my cat exhausted from a weekend well spent and a heart full of holiday spirit.
finally.

Winter Solstice

The December solstice is a holy day for me.   I celebrate the shortest day of the year.  I choose to view the extended exterior darkness as a time of brighter interior light.  The short days and long nights invite soul searching and reflection.  We hunker down, and layer up until we slowly emerge energized and healed.

 There is something mystical and deeply spiritual about the gradual return of light as day gains on night.

  I do not begrudge winter...I embrace it.  The season's deep freezes and the world whitewashed invite dormancy and quiescence until the sun once again ascends high in the sky to warm and thaw and awaken.  The cycle of life as evidenced by the change in seasons fills me with comfort and awe.  When my eyes are open, I witness miracle after miracle.  These natural revelations then open my heart.  They open my heart wide only to break it as I once again feel time fleeting.  It is sad, but true because the world is such a beautiful place and life is so short.
Amen.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Snow and sledding.  We are enjoying the snowiest December since I can remember.

Skating too.  The school rink is already flooded. T. Bone has visited it once and Miss dreams about doing so daily.

A quiet family night last Saturday in the midst of the hustle and bustle.  We went out for our favorite pizza, took the long way home while enjoying the holiday lights, and then played a board game.  It was perfect.

Traditions especially this time of year.  Sunday family dinner is one we enjoy year round.  Aunt Jess joined us this week.  Before we ate, we decorated gingerbread cut outs.  Even T. Bone got in on the fun. I've been mixing this same dough since I was T. Bone's age so it's tradition. I have just recently acquired a taste for it though.

I finally finished The Telling Room. I can only give it a 2.5, but there are parts of it that I am still mulling over like this on the truth of storytelling:

So was that to say that mystique won out over the truth every time?  All the best stories and strangest dreams metaphorically seemed to exist on the apparently nonexisting second floor of the Quinta, didn’t they?  In the end, it wasn’t so much that there was an alternative narrative – there always was – but it came down to belief: Which one did you want to believe.  Which one suited you best?  Or, perhaps most to the point: Which one told the story you were already telling yourself?  

Coach, Miss Bit and I watched Pride and Prejudice this week.  As I remember, the book is better, but it's such a treat to find entertainment that is appropriate for all ages.  I will be rereading Austen's second novel soon.

Moroccan oil.

Miss Bit had her second swim meet this week.  She took first place in her 50 yard freestyle heat.  She was proudest of all.

T. Bone's report card was his best yet, and the last few were hard to beat.

I took the kids out to shop for their gifts in the last 48 hours and I found both experiences to be warm and fuzzy.  They care and they want to show it.  There is a sense of pride in earning, saving and then spending their money on tokens they personally pick out for loved ones. He entered stores he normally wouldn't think of shopping in.  She carefully counted her crumpled up dollar bills, and the cashier was patient even if the patrons behind us weren't. I'm thankful she didn't notice.  They receive so much, but there is nothing like the good feelings that come from giving to others.

eos lip glosses although I wish they'd make an unscented option..

My Christmas cactus is blooming.

Minecraft central aka our dining room table where they sit side by side and scheme.  I cannot remember the last time they played so nicely together for so long.

A new Brussel's Sprout recipe.  Dice a couple slices of bacon and brown in a skillet.  Remove and add halved sprouts, a slight drizzle of EVOO, and pat of butter.  When slightly browned, add a chopped shallot, salt and pepper and a generous glug of chicken stock.  Let simmer until the stock evaporates and sprouts are tender.  Serve topped with bacon.

Winter solstice is tomorrow.

Katrina's sentiments regarding solstice and slowing down.

This post on sadness versus happiness and anger.  I've been retreating into myself as I fend off this funk.  This came at the right time.

Sitting with the idea that we don't change because we have insight, but rather we change and then have insight.  This timeline is what makes change so hard.  We just have to do it.  The understanding comes after.

T. Bone turns 13 next week.  I cannot believe that my son is almost a teenager.  I'd prefer he not grow up and just stay with us forever, but I'm incredibly grateful for the beautiful young man he is becoming.