It's The Eve Eve

 

Which means that tomorrow is Christmas Eve, a day that made Kathy McGurk very happy. My mom was always generous, never short on celebrating and she loved spoiling us all. She made the most delicious tenderloin (well, eventually that was relegated to my husband), knew the perfect Santa to come make the magic for the kids and she had a mesmerizing carol voice as she crooned her way to Christmas. I'm feeling her vividly this Christmas and that is just one of the reasons for my quiet. I find I no longer have words for my grief. The sadness feels redundant, indulgent, ethereal and omnipresent. Know those adjectives were carefully chosen.

So here we are feeling the nostalgia, the anticipation and also the magical moments that always define the spirit of the season. This here is the heart of it all and I'm not ready for it to start let alone end.

Leaving work early today to finish baking and driving home in a surprising squall upped my Christmas spirit. I had no idea snow was in the forecast. The white stuff...it didn't stick, but it was such a pretty backdrop from my kitchen window as I mixed and rolled. I got a box of love this weekend...delicious love. My aunt sent us all our favorites from her Arizona kitchen. It was a delicious way of staying connected even though we won't be together in person this holiday.

 

I'll be paying it forward. Cookies for neighbors even those that don't celebrate Christmas because we all understand peace and good will and sprinkles. A tin for the lovely Lena who bags our groceries every week. One for the FedEx guy. The mailman too.

Pot pies as well. I was busy in the kitchen yesterday. Alan had surgery last week. Pot pie is a magic healing elixir especially when accompanied by homemade bread and Irish butter. I dropped off a little care package today and I know that he and Karen are feeling my good wishes tonight as they enjoy the meal I made. Another Christmas spirit boost. 

This time each year I lean into letting every single person I can know that they are special to me. I think that's why this month goes too fast...I don't have the days to connect with or thank all the peeps I want to. 

Okay I'm getting a little groovy. My Christmas spirit went into overdrive Friday when we had a family date downtown. We posed in front of the Pfister tree and I had heart pangs missing Cousin Carol who loved this iconic Milwaukee venue. Blu was a lovely spot for a cocktail before dinner at Zarlettis, a place that reminds me of my mom. Brad and Ashley hosted dinner and it was just a warm, cozy night of festivities and family. Ted's declared it a new family holiday tradition. Swanky boozy holiday dinner is definitely a thing. We dropped Ted off at an establishment to meet up with friends and the rest of us came home to cuddle cats and watch The Family Stone. Lily had never seen it. She loved it.

Another highlight of the weekend was a spontaneous Sunday afternoon visit with my mother and brother-in-law. The timing was perfect because...hello, cookie delivery and pot pie making. It was perfect to send them home with dinner and dessert because #foodislove. And it was kismet because we talked about inviting them and then got busy busy busy being busy, which we all know is not the best way to celebrate Christmas. I'm channeling my inner chill.

Tomorrow we will go to mass and I'm expecting that to be the pinnacle of my holiday happiness. We'll have a drink with the Sweeney's before driving home along the lake front to spectate all the lights. As a family, we decided on a simple make and bake pasta dish, garlic bread and a salad. That'll allow more time for fun and games. It's our tradition to do presents Christmas morning, but we may do them Christmas Eve. It seems the year to mix things up.

My parents will come for Christmas Day brunch. I don't have a decided upon menu yet, but we have a ham and there will be cookies so there's that. I told them to come in there pjs. Mike wrapped all the gifts, but I've yet to ribbon and bow them. I just may not. Ted's birthday gift is in the basement somewhere. I was going to order his favorite French silk pie, but he leaves for San Diego the day after and cookies. There's always Valentines Day. 

Merry Christmas! Love and peace to all! Enjoy an extra cookie, say yes to the hot toddy, get in the family picture, sing loud and clear for all to hear and remember the reason for the season.

 

Grateful Lately

I give thanks for...

Fresh air. I left work early the other day to beat the forecasted snow squall and sneak in a few miles on the trails. I had no idea how badly I needed that. When the snow started to fall midway, I felt childish giddiness. We had the longest, loveliest fall, but now that we are on the countdown to Christmas, I'm ready for winter.

Ted and mom time. Mike traveled last week so Ted and I hung out in the evenings. One night he picked up dinner on his way home from the gym. Picked up and paid.

Ted's picking up his guitar again. He's in a John Mayer phase and I sort of love it.

Flannel sheeting all the beds.

Getting shit done. It's been a productive couple weeks at Casa Wags.

Brunch with family friends. The girls gave Lily great tips on her upcoming travel abroad from their own experiences.

Barcelona in one month! Visa arrived today. We're ticking of lists.

She got a sub-leaser. Only one, but as we know...it's better than none.

Just enough room on my lap for both Hazel and Gus.

We finally met Snowy's 4 week old kittens. We would love one, but we have a happy little duo right now, and trio when Manny comes to town.

 

Manny's spot on the hearth.

Progress. These boys side by side...

And almost cheek to cheek.

Where Gus goes when he needs alone time.

Hazel's spot is our bed. She doesn't even like Gus to get on it. She tolerated Manny last weekend when he jumped up to see what was going on. After a couple minutes, I gently removed him and my girl started to purr immediately and was extra lovey. Mike sent me the photo of Gus stealing Hazel's spot the other day when I was at work. I'll have you know, he's not been on the bed since.

 Wool pillows make perfect cozy perches for this little lady.

 This girl by day and then by night. Mike picked her up yesterday and between his car and the kids' Jeep she is moved out of the Saxony, home for a few weeks and then headed to Europe.

 

Their first weekend trip is planned for Interlaken, Switzerland. I like that because I know it's a very safe, clean, beautiful place for travelers which makes it a good maiden voyage.

Christmas cookies. Lils and I broke down and stocked up so we can crank out at least a few of our favorites.

We got our tree on a beautiful night last weekend and now it is up and lit with Gus's help. We'll all trim it tomorrow when Ted gets home Hazel and Gus included.

Rainbow trees.

The spirit of this season. Hope and light and love. The promise of peace. Good thoughts and generous deeds.

Holiday Weekending

We had a lovely and long holiday weekend. I was extra grateful that Lils was home the whole week messy room and all. It felt full in the way a bustling house does with visits and comings and goings. A house well loved and lived in. Wednesday night everyone was out so I nestled in to watch The Humans, a film I knew I'd love, but didn't want to subject the rest of the family too because it was a little dark. It spoke to that nugget of sadness I'm lugging around in this season of thanks and joy. Misery loves company. Melancholy wants recognition. Validation. I felt seen.

Lily was home first and in time to take charge of Thanksgiving dessert. I assisted. It was late. I procrastinated, but the Pumpkin Brownie Cheesecake was made thanks to my girl. 

I missed most of the parade. I didn't see a single Broadway number. In retrospect, it's for the best. I know it would have made me wistful for our postponed fall trip to NYC. There were numerous shows I was hoping to see while there. I also didn't get my annual pre-feast walk, but I got to spend time with Pee, which was more important. We caught up on our kids who are living the lives we lived when we first met. It was a full circle moment. 

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And the seasons they go 'round and ' round and the painted ponies go up and down...we're captive on a carousel of time...we can't return we can only look behind from where we came and go 'round and 'round and 'round on this circle game.

I first became acquainted with this song in college at Gamma Phi. We sang it often...after chapter meetings, at ceremonies, and just because. It was one of my favorite rituals and a warm, fuzzy memory from an often challenging, lonely period in my life.

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My parents prepared Thanksgiving again this year. There were rumblings about passing the baton or the bird, but they decided to carry on the tradition of two birds and too many sides on Woods Road for another year. We'll see what next year brings. I have a feeling that they'll keep doing it until they cannot, and even just typing that truth is one of the reasons I'm in my feelings this season. 

I insisted we get our annual picture on the deck before last light. There have been years that the darkness snuck up on us and we missed our window. And yes, I'm aware of the metaphor here. I'm tied to traditions this year. They feel more important for some reason that only slightly escapes me. After dinner, we lounged in the family room to digest and to cheer on the Packers.

Lils went shopping with the girls Friday and Ted played football and then poker with the guys. I  spent the better part of the day Christmasing the house with the good old crooners. I'm gravitating to light. Lights on everything. There's a candle in every window and twinkle lights on trees and boughs and I think that is enough. I thought I was going to deck every surface, but now I'm allowing myself to change my mind as everyone is want to do. The basement is a colossal mess of bins (a mess of everything tbh) that I will whittle down and put back in storage for someday or someone. What remains is the living room tree, which is the star of the season. I'm hoping to get one Saturday and will wait to decorate it until Lil's comes home next week. Yes already...next week...in a few days!

So Thanksgiving weekend is in the books and now I'm feeling slightly panicked about Christmas. I've not bought a single gift except for the kit kats who really need nothing. I guess that's the crux of it...no one needs anything or particularly wants anything that I can give them. I'm sitting with this reality and waiting for an idea as to how to enjoy gift giving in a more meaningful, intentional way this year. In a less is more, pay it forward, focus on the reason for the season sort of way that makes sense for our family. I love giving gifts so there will be presents under the tree, but I'm done buying just for the sake of buying. At the end of the day, things are overrated.