Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

A work from home day. I slept in, made my celery juice and now I'm enjoying my coffee while I tend to some business. I think I'll keep this post open all day and I'll add to it as something comes to me.

Lists. I have a lists of to dos that I plan to make very good progress on this weekend. I am feeling ready for a spring purge. A whole house cleansing. We have so much stuff. Too much. It's true with the kids setting up apartments, holding on to things has been smart and helpful, but it's also a challenge to store so much. We made a pact to fill our dumpster every week. 

It's going to be 60 degrees today. I think it's time to take down the rest of my winter decor. It's on my list.

Jess came for dinner this week. It was good to catch up and her visit persuaded me to abandon my dinner plan for cheese and crackers and pull together a tasty Pasta Primavera full of fresh peas, baby asparagus and broccoli. And ham.

My aunt gave me a ham last week and it needed to be used STAT. She gave it to me because she is in the process of packing up her whole house and has no time for cooking. I made her a big pan of Scalloped Potatoes and Ham today and I can't wait to bring it to her. I also made my Grandma Rosie's tuna because it is like getting a hug if you are an Evans. To round out the care package, I made homemade tapioca. That's an homage to my mom, and yes, it's another hug.

Spring thunderstorms, but not the severe ones. 

Animals in the yard. The red squirrels are back and I saw a coyote pup the other day. We just saw a robin and the birds are belting out their spring songs loud and proud.

The way Hazel announces herself when she enters every room every time. 

 The way Finn flops down right in front of you and stretches.

 The way Gus is unflappable. He greets everyone and is always in the thick of things. 

Ted does his own taxes now. He should probably do our returns as well. He's getting a nice refund. We shall see where we stand with Uncle Sam.

Last minute plans with old friends tomorrow. It'll be good to get out of the house and catch up.

Tonight we are staying in. I love Friday nights at home.

weekending

This morning's air smelled like spring. I know that scent to be petrichor. It's the earthy, yet fresh smell released by the wet pavement. The warm sun is melting the snow so fast that it sounds like a body of running water.  It stands to reason that petrichor is also known as the ethereal substance that flows through the veins of the Greek Gods. We had quite a storm overnight Friday well into the day Saturday. It was a welcome lazy snow day. I finally got my Grand Cayman pictures uploaded. We shoveled, showered and were out the door for dinner at Pete and Sue's. I haven't seen them since Zihua so we had lots of catching up to do and then we started planning our same time next year visit.

Yesterday we drove to Chicago to visit Ted and to stock his frig for one last time. We had every type of weather imaginable on the way there and back, and I felt badly because I sort of coerced convinced Mike to take the spontaneous, and at times, precarious ride. Ted sort of guilted convinced me that we needed to come. He will be in Portugal when we are there for a last hurray of our pied-a-terre Easter weekend. It was snowing so heavily on the trip home that I thought we might have to pull over and wait it out. 

That being said, we both agreed once we were home safe at 9 o'clock that we were glad we went. We had a fancy not fancy lunch at RL Cafe. Tuna Tartare (ordered by Ted!) and Cote du Rhone in the afternoon is fancy. Cheeseburgers and fries and IPAs are not so fancy. The price was fancy, but well worth it. Our walk about the city was cut short by a cold driving rain and it was just as well because we returned to Ted's place and watched rainbows replace the rain. I'm going to miss this view. The guys played crib and I curled up on the couch under an afghan and watched true crime. Just being together was the point.

I just got off the phone with Lils. A student took his life by jumping off a nearby dorm. Her friend witnessed the aftermath. I have no words. It's another reminder to live in the day, cherish the moment and let your loved ones know you are always there for them.

 

Another Reason to Listen

 

It’s the same with all my lost beloveds. Reminders take every possible form — the feel of pine needles underfoot, the scent of a passing woman’s perfume, the tail end of a song on a coffee shop radio, a letter tumbling out of a long-unopened book, the taste of boiled peanuts, salty and warm. The reminders loop between past and present, between one lost loved one and another, a buzzing sweep of sensations and memories and time. I keep searching for the right metaphor to convey what I mean. Is it like a braid? A web? A shroud?

Finally the word comes to me: It’s a conversation. Every day, all day long, everyone I’ve ever loved is gathered around the same table, talking.

From Margaret Renkl's recent opinion piece, More and More I talk to the Dead in the Times.

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/30/opinion/death-grief-memory.html

be.here.now

Lil's spring break came to an end on the first day of spring. I drove her back early this morning after a quiet week filled with quality time. Yesterday was my favorite of the days. We were belly up to the altar for the fourth Sunday of Lent. Father Joe gave a spirited homily to a full church and we sang all four verses of Amazing Grace loud and quite beautifully. Then we stopped out for a post worship brunch. We all ordered right and left needing a little down time. See below.

 

We rallied for a visit with my aunt and uncle. They are moving again at a most opportune time, if there is such a thing. Lily is moving into a house in the fall. A few years ago they moved for what they thought would be a few months from the first house they built to a rental while their dream house was constructed. Teddy was the lucky benefactor of downsizing. So it is timely for furnishing Lil's new apartment, but it's a move I selfishly wish they were not making. Arizona is a long way away. Sigh.

My brother and sister-in-law stopped by to bid Lil's adieu when we got home. Windmill Beach is getting torn down this week and they had pictures of the giant excavator just waiting on the beach to do the deed. It put a little more weight on my heavy heart. We were prepared for it to change, not be demolished. Sigh. But alas it is but a cottage, and what comes next will boast its own magic.

We finished our yummy calzones from the night before for dinner while we binged The Walking Dead. We took a break from the tv to finally play Wizard. I beat Mike and Lily badly so I had the most fun. I only rubbed it in a little.

 

It was an ordinary day that felt extraordinary and Monday morning came too soon, but we hit the road with our coffees and our sunnies. Yep, we needed those. 

We did a drive by Orchard Street where Lily will be living next semester. It looks like a nice, well-cared for house. We were both most excited for the big front porch that will accommodate an outdoor seating area and lots of lights and lanterns. I drove through campus to the far west end to deliver Lily to Spanish class. It was a rush driving on streets I once called my own...bustling with students hurrying to their 9:55s. I both miss it and I don't. I know that's a contradiction, but I have a feeling it's one many can relate to. I'd go back for a day, a week maybe. 

 

I sang out loud the entire way home along to one playlist or another. A quick stop to drop off a shepherd's pie for my parents and I was back on the road. That home cooking was just an excuse btw. They've been sick for the past week and I wanted to see them. I almost didn't because I spent more time than anticipated in Madison, but I couldn't be that close and not visit. I was really glad I did too because my dad was pretty happy to see me and grateful for the gesture. I drove the rest of the way home feeling grateful myself. It's so easy in this life to say no when we ought to say yes. And yes when we ought to say no. It's easy to say tomorrow, next week, next time, some day. As far as we know, we have today. This one day. That's why I wake up every morning saying be.here.now. Then I repeat it at least a hundred times more. I have to because I often find myself stuck in the past or pining for the future.

As I turned into my subdivision, Mason Jennings' Be Here Now was in cue. How about that? The universe is always listening. We should too.

 

Everlasting

 

 

I recognized someone I saw out shopping yesterday. I thought it was my mom's old neighbor, Jane. My mom always bought Jane's girls little gifts, they were in a book club together, my mom was good to Jane during her divorce and Jane was good to my mom when she was sick.

I called her name once, twice. On the third time she turned to me and said her name was Rose. You must have a sister named Jane, I said with certainty. And, of course, she did. She was a bit surprised because she didn't think there was such a resemblance between them.

We chatted. She had met my mom. She knew the story. Jane is finally retired. One of her girls is a doctor and the other a city planner. She still lives in the little cottage next to my mom's blue bungalow. She promised to say hi to Jane for me.

I woke this morning realizing that I knew Rose. Rose and I belonged to the same gym and took the same classes for years. Ten years, ten years ago. What I find worthy of sharing here is how uncanny it is I didn't make the primary connection in the moment. I should have recognized Rose who I saw several times a week for years not Jane who I interacted with a handful of times.

Yesterday was St, Patrick's Day. That was my mom's most loved day of celebration. She was on the forefront of my mind. I recognized Rose, but was sure she was Jane because Jane was connected to my mom.

It made me think about degrees of separation and the thin veil between life and death. We are made up of energy. Energy is indestructible, transformative and eternal. That brief connection felt like an important universe moment...a hug from beyond. A hug I very much needed.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for... 

Everyone's Irish on St. Patty's Day. I'm Irish and proud everyday. 

We had our St. Pat's feast last weekend with my brother and sister-in-law. The grasshoppers I made for dessert were gone before I could take a picture. Tonight we are doing Indian takeout.

A chill week at home with my girl. I'm glad we are firing at the same speed. I ducked out early this afternoon so we could get in a little retail therapy and manicures. 

 

FaceTiming with Ted last night. He's counting down the days until he leaves for Portugal. We talked about all of the things and I can say that he is in a good place...a very good place.

I lost my wedding ring this week. I knew it was in the house somewhere, but with three cats who like shiny things, I knew it could be anywhere. I felt relief when I found it.

The Tres Amigos turned two on Tuesday. They were not keen on taking birthday photos even with the promise of juicy bites and licky treats. 

I've perfected my decadent Chocolate Tart. I made one for Linda's birthday celebration yesterday and it was gone today. 

She's halfway through her chemo and radiation, and handling it with humor and like a champ.

Spring is on the horizon.The sun sets at 7 o'clock tonight. It's cold, but just for a couple more days.

Vent

Someone recently questioned me calling myself a writer. Someone I really care about and who I know cares about me. The relationship made the remark an extra sharp dagger. The thing is...when the words rolled off my tongue, they even surprised me. They took me by surprise, but they also felt right.

They felt right because writing is my passion. I write every day. It's how I express myself and make sense of the world. I think in stories. Words are my muse. Writing has saved my life, maintained my sanity, healed broken relationships and helped me to end toxic ones. I write for entertainment, posterity, celebration and relief. I write because when I don't, I don't feel right. I write therefore I am.

The issue my loved one had with my proclamation was that I am not compensated for my writing. It's true that I am not paid to write. I have been in the past, but the type of writing I did for money felt less like something I wanted to own than the kind of writing I do today.

I took the hurtful comment in stride. I calmly said the words again: I am a writer. I am a writer because I write. I think she saw my point even if she was still not in total agreement, but the conversation remains in the forefront of my mind.

It's lingered because owning our gifts is not always easy. Believe me, I am my own harshest critic. The not so little voice in my head sows seeds of doubt daily. I don't need any help being humbled. I walk this earth with my fair share of diffidence. 

We need to lift others up, not bring them down. Women need to especially lift up other women. I confess, I'm not always the first one to do that myself even as I'm a big believer in girl power and my tribe. Case in point, I came here to rant and realized that I too can do a much better job empowering other women.

And for the record...I am many other things too.  

weekending

I flew home from island paradise to a winter wonderland late Thursday night. We had to circle around for 20 minutes while they plowed the runways. I was just grateful we weren't stuck in Atlanta for the night. I woke up that morning eager to get home because travel days can be and often are the worst. This one was long, but without bumps literally and figuratively. It was a beautiful, white knuckle drive home, but reuniting with my kits kats (and hubby) made it all better. Sleeping in my own bed, despite the lovely Kimpton Seafire accommodations, was heaven.

Friday was a much needed snow day at home after a week away. Lil's arrived mid-afternoon for spring break and our first stop was the grocery to stock up on all the berries and other Lily favorites. It's the least I can do since she's stuck in snowy Wisconsin for spring break and I'm busy at work after 2 weeks off in the past 5. I think she's mostly ok with having some downtime and hammering out her application for the business school. Family dinners, games and movie nights too. We all love those. I tried to give her my ticket to Six this weekend, but she refused to accept knowing how excited I was for the performance. It was a sold out show, but there were two empty seats beside us, go figure. It was a really smart, fun show and the wives all impressively talented.

We just collaborated on a pot of soup: chicken, tomato, zucchini and orzo that was a comforting dinner on this cold night. After they clean up, we'll settle into our favorite family spots for a movie tbd. I am jonesing on these ordinary nights after so much going and doing. More on that soon.

For now...just a few scenes from the weekend.