Hey August...

Welcome and please stay awhile. I need more colanders of tart sweet cherries and prize winning watermelons that disappear despite the fact I'm sure we won't be able to eat the whole huge thing. We do. I want more family tennis matches and game nights. I just found my Rummikub game and am thrown back to summer visits with Lovie and Bob, my grandparents in Utah. They were of the generation of digesting before getting back in the pool. After lunch (half of a liver sausage sandwich, 10 Fritos, a clump of grapes), we'd stay at the table playing a game. Usually Rummi.

I want to keep painting my nails pink and wear white, skirts, flip flops. Last weekend, April gave me the most therapeutic pedicure. I didn't ask for the ultra pampering, but she knew I needed it. I went from the verge of giggles to holding back tears as she worked her magic. My feet are ticklish. As she went deeper, she released samskaras hence the emotional tide.

I need to spend more time at the beach, in the water feeling weightless and buoyant. Lenwood Lake has been mentioned and I'm in for old time sakes. I need to shop farmer's markets, attend festivals and a beer garden or two. I confess that I haven't done these things yet, but the best of the harvest is beginning and Irish Fest is this month. State Fair too. I haven't been to either in years.

I have to eat more flavors of the day for dinner and ears of sweet corn just because, cook with the fresh herbs from the yard, take more walks and have more talks. I need to take more pictures, read and write more words, steal dreamy afternoon naps and enjoy happy hours on the patio.

I need more time with a full house...the four us...sometimes five...sharing days and nights. I'm going to miss buying overly priced cold brew, stocking the frig with berries bi-weekly, tripping over the shoe graveyard in the back hall and hearing my kids rib each other about anything and everything. I might even miss the perpetual lack of ice for my water and their always messy bedrooms and bathroom. A happy home is like your best loved pair of well worn jeans: comfy, cozy, soft and forgiving. Constant and true. And Casa Wags isn't gong anywhere even though they are.

I just made my first pitcher of iced tea, finally got my summer haircut and made a classic summer playlist this week. I've taken almost no time off and that's not OK. 

So August...please linger, dawdle and crawl. I want to make the most of it all.   

Around Here

We're in the dog days of summer, but it's apparent the light is waning. The sun is not as high in the sky and the days are just a tad noticibly shorter. Next week August arrives and the countdown to back to school ensues. Between now and then, we have to move both kids out of their Madison apartments. Ted's done with school and starts his job after Labor Day. He's back in the nest. Lily will move to a new apartment first semester and then spend spring semester in Spain. Finally she caught a break after numerous disappointments at the over enrolled UW.

We're forgoing our week at Webb Lake this summer because Barcelona here we come. I'm sad because it is always the way we wrap up summer, but it's not cheap. In fact, we did the math and it costs almost as much as a European vacay. 

Lily has a big birthday on the horizon. My baby is turning twenty and I'm not sure how that's even possible. I'm not going down that rabbit hole today because it's a beautiful Saturday and we have plans just the two of us this evening. The boys are going to the Red Hot Chili Peppers tonight.

Last night my brother and sister in law came for an impromptu Friday night bbq. I finally found some

bone in skin on chicken breasts at the store. Ted suggested a brown butter sage paparadelle pairing that sounded so good and it was. Lily was home from the Brewer's game in time for dessert and games. Sometimes plans on the fly are the best plans especially when my peeps are around the table.

 

Weekendings

Last week was a bit of a blur. I was sucked in by the RNC, which was taking place in my own city. I stayed away because crowds and glued to the television because it was the first time I've felt hope in quite some time. The attempt on 45ths life was shocking and yet not unexpected. It was one of those moments that we'll talk about where we were when. I watched it live. We were an hour late to a neighbor's low country boil because I couldn't look away.

Oddly, the nation's evening's nadir did not come up as we gathered around the long table to break bread and crack claws and drink wine with friends new and old. I happen to know we were in the company of divergent beliefs, but it didn't put a damper on the lovely night because we are grown-ups. It's really quite a concept.

Sunday we headed to the lake because it was a perfect beach day and also one that called for getting off the grid. Lake Michigan cooperated. It was wavy and warm. Warm enough to get in and go under. To stay in. We spent the night on a whim and it was a good choice. I miss the lake house, but the tree house has a delightful deck that juts out into the pines and makes one feel as if we're in the middle of nowhere. Alone. Something about the weekend's unfurling made that comforting. 

 

I'm coming out of my cocoon...slowly, but surely. Candace and Jess came for an impromptu happy hour on Thursday. Happy it was especially because Ted joined we ladies for a game of Wavelength. It's a good one to add to the game closet and a great way to start the weekend...wine and cheese and kindreds too. 

The weekend was a real good one. We had a fun date with Ted and Meryl Saturday...a chill patio dinner at a nearby cantina, a stop for the flavor of the day and then a drive to see the almost full moon on the rise over the lake. After coffee and croissants the next morning, we had a doubles match that ended in a tie we were unable to break because Grandma and Grandpa were stopping by for a Sunday afternoon visit. Lucky for me and Mike since we were getting tired and poised to suffer defeat. It was finally nice enough to sit on the patio.  Lily was busy training, golfing and with friends all weekend, but she was able to join us for family dinner. It's my best loved weekend bookend.

And now I'm ready for the week ahead.

Not Just Looking, but Seeing

On my way to work the other day, I locked eyes with a doe who was stuck on the side of the highway. She was caught between 4 lanes of traffic (soon to be 6 or 8...I've lost track) and the ominous concrete sound walls that flank the adjacent neighborhood. I felt her fear in the second it took to pass her. It was palpable. She had nowhere to go. It was heartbreaking.

I no sooner settled in at work when Alan got a call that his wife hit a deer, or was hit by a deer. It ran into the side of her car. She watched her die. I cannot unsee my deer, or her deer. I cannot shake the feeling that they are harbingers of something heavy.

Heavy it is. My head, my heart, my spirit. The air. It's stagnant. Our walks the past couple nights have been battling through the thick of something oppressive, and yet getting out is never a regret.

Even if it means that I have to take two showers in one day, or do more laundry, or sit down for dinner at an hour some people consider bedtime. It was homemade pizzas last night. A pie for each of us. It's the way that everyone can have exactly what they want and leftovers too except for Ted who can polish his off STAT. We ate in front of the tv so we could watch The Firm. The kids hadn't seen it. I saw it once and I remember it being more captivating. I think that just speaks to how far we push limits now...more violence, sex, drama...faster, bigger, badder.

Speaking of boundaries, what about the dividing lines we as a country have created? We have a president who has clearly been in steady decline his entire term, first being hidden by supporters and the media and now castigated with indignation by the very same players. This is all being aired out on the world stage. It's like a SNL sketch, only it's not remotely funny. It's sad and disgusting and terrifying. All of this steps beyond the realm of political party divides. This is THE threat to our democracy. The 46th president has been a Manchurian candidate under the control of the deep state.

And I want to say I told you so, but there's no gravitas in watching the country I love go to shambles. 

The fourth didn't have the effect on me it usually does. I usually leave the beach all kumbaya America, but I'm not being dramatic when I say that the scene reminded me of a scene from you name the war...the beach. Normandy, Omaha, Utah. My nerves had nerves.

It was the kind of night without a horizon. There was no visible reach or moon as marker. The smoke from the fireworks clung to the dewy air. The Fog meets The Longest Day meets some kind of survivor apocalypse. Can you see it? The shadow silhouettes on the shore, the glow of bonfires up and down the beach, no stars in the sky. It wasn't glory. It was guts. Though without guts...what do we have?

Happy Birthday Baby

At 248 years old, America is very young. That's nothing in nation years. Dog, cat, human years...sure, but as far as civilizations go, we are still in our infancy. Despite all of our flaws, and oh are there a litany, today is about independence and democracy and perseverance. I hope we can be united on this one day on the ideals upon which our states were founded. 

Casa Wags is quiet. Teddy is in Ohio on Lake Erie for the weekend, Lils just left in her Jeep with her bike in back to hit the country roads for some training, and Mike is still snoozing. There was a steady stream of families on foot and bike making their way to the parkway for the parade. That brings back a flood of memories...a wave of fleeting nostalgia. How I loved painting their faces and helping them decorate their bikes We'd make our way to a spot passing friend after friend in route. It was Americana at it's best.

I miss the big 4th of July bash that we'd host every year. Friends, family and fireworks. Cold drinks and hot bbq. The tradition ended when Windmill Beach took over. It was the better back drop for the holiday without a doubt. We'll head up there today, but even that young tradition has changed. There's no house on the beach right now. It's a sad story and not mine to tell.

We'll stay at the Tree House and I know it'll still be a blast...literally, if the impending storms hold off for Marge and Barry's firework extravaganza. Forgive me as I wallow a little. I am not known for embracing change. Or the fleeting nature of time.

How is it already July 4th? I know there's a whole lotta summer left, but I also know that the weeks will fly by and it'll be September in a blink. I'd like a pause button about now.

Now I'm off to make my ranch dressing, cut a watermelon and chill some rose for today's birthday bash. Freedom is worth celebrating.

 

Around Here

 

I woke to a rumbling sky. While yesterday was a near perfect summer day, there are few things better than Sunday morning thunderstorms. Coffee is made. It just may be a two cup morning. I'm chilling with their father and later I will see mine. I'm back because yesterday I didn't intend to spill my guts. I'm okay with and owning it, but I missed all the good stuff that's going on right now.

 

Stuff like a long walk on an old path yesterday. I mentioned the quintessential summer day...it would have been a sin to skip our miles. On the final turn, Lils surprised us. After her 30 mile bike ride, she changed her shoes and went out for a run. That's called a brick. Bricks are essential in her Ironman training. I need to gush about my girl for a minute. She is so strong and not just physically. I am in awe of her discipline and drive. She's definitely doing epic shit.

Stuff like last night's family night. Mike grilled beautiful rib eyes and I made a perfect potato rosti and a cheesy spinach pie. Lils had breakfast for dinner. She doesn't eat meat unless it's chicken. We grilled that too, but she had a craving for veggies and eggs and she asks for so little and appreciates so much. Short order cook is one of my super hero strengths. The kids cleaned up without being asked. We stayed around the table playing games.

I love having both my kids home. We're getting into a rhythm. They're busy, but we're still finding time to connect. This is Lily's first full-time job and it's sort of kicking her butt. Abby and Emma keep her busy all day long. They are sweet girls, but sparring sisters too and my girl is killing it with them. I think they are going to get along better by the end of the summer and they both want her to come back next year.

Ted is scheduled to take his first CPA exam next week. Prepping for this has been his almost full-time summer job and I'm impressed by his discipline too. He's having some fun and doing some good too. Lots of golf, Wednesday night beach volleyball, jaunts to Madison to see Meryl who is reporting stories like a pro, riding hills with Lils, helping Grandpa in his yard, giving Hazel and Gus lots of attention and treats.

 

 

 

Stuff like crisp, sweet grapes, salads for dinner, a new pair of walking shoes, orioles in the yard, healthy cats, clean sheets, country music, my husband watering all the flowers I plant, farm eggs, family and friends.

 

 

 

 

Lately

 

I'm back to insularity. I think I know why, but I'm not ready to go there yet. I'm also hoping and praying that I don't have to. What I do want to put the shine on is simply the extraordinary ordinary of every day life right here, right now. I'm channeling presence and always gratitude. Together they are the secret sauce for getting through the day with a happy heart. So while I've been quiet, I have also been content.

I came home from work one day last week and snuggled in bed with my Hazel girl. It's our routine and so I'm trying to keep up with the rather demanding schedule she expects. It's grueling to come home and crawl into bed with her for a half hour. The windows were open and letting in the sweetest breeze. We relaxed in relative silence. That girl purrs like a puffing chuffing steam train. And of course there were the expected sounds of a summer afternoon: kids playing, dogs barking, a lawnmower humming away, a siren in the distance, the whir of the ceiling fan and the sad perch coo of a mourning dove in the yard. I fell into a deep meditation and emerged with a clear mind. It was better than a nap. I'm not good at quieting my monkey mind, but I now think I should give regular meditation another go.

I'm dealing with the end of a long-standing friendship that was important to me for decades. I don't know why. I don't really think it's me, but every night I'm back in high school in my dreams feeling all the teenage angst so as far as my subconscious is concerned, the burden and blame are mine. I'm doing something uncharacteristic. I've stopped reaching out and I'm letting it go. It feels a little bit like a death. I know it sounds dramatic, but I'm grieving. 

I'm mad and I'm sad and I miss my friend, but I'm also feeling beaten down and bruised. Then I thank God for the handful of girlfriends that are my chosen sisters. Btw, she was one of them. And I know my mom was right when she said, we are lucky to count our soul sisters on one hand. Friendships take time and attention. Those are finite resources.

So lately I've been thinking about reaching out to an old friend. We were thick as thieves for years. She was wicked smart and just as funny. We were Thelma and Louise. I know why our friendship cooled. I was married with little children and she was footloose and fancy free. I'm mulling over what I would say and also trying to parse out if I really miss her or I just want to fill that finger.

That being said, I was grateful that Sue reached out this week to get together. We had a long overdue catch up, wine night Thursday. Then Jess called yesterday and came for an impromptu dinner. She knows I have been a homebody so she came to me. I'm blessed they're both fingers.