Sweet and Precious Life

It's definitely fall here. The poults are as big as their mothers now, the trees are showier by the day and there is a chill in the air this morning that reminds us what is to come. Yesterday it was warm. Almost hot in the sun and it will be windows open weather again soon. The progression between seasons is never linear. It occurs to me that so often I begin my posts with a report of the current conditions. It speaks to the fact that I am sensitive to the weather. What is going on outside affects me inside. Everything about fall is my favorite though. October galvanizes each one of my senses.

After a rough stretch in my world and a heavy stretch in the wide world, I felt myself retreat. I craved quiet, absence, anonymity. I buttoned up and battened down. It was just what I needed. I'm getting so much better at giving myself grace.

We said goodbye to my father-in-law a week ago on a perfect autumn day. The service was curative and my brother-in-law's homily a true tribute to a cup is over flowing life. The pictures of the span of his life captured him too. And I learned something. My husband actually resembles his father as a young man. I have always thought he takes after his mother's side, but I saw that he is a mixture of both. Aren't we all? And I got comment after comment about how Teddy was unrecognizable...even to his own cousins who haven't seen him since Christmas. He's taller, broader, and sporting some facial hair. Many comments too about how beautiful Lily is and also all grown up. It's been Covid years since I've seen some of the extended family and in spite of the reason for the gathering, it was good to see them, hug them, catch up.

It occurred to me that this is the first funeral my kids are attending as young adults. When my mom passed, they were 4 and 7...too young to truly comprehend and remember. Your grandparents go and you start thinking about your parents. Your parents pass and you grapple with your own mortality. I hear Mary Oliver...Are you paying homage to that one wild and precious life, or are you breathing just a little and calling it a life? 

I guess it depends on the day, but losing a loved one makes me take stock of everything and everyone.

Emily Dickinson was right...That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet.