Last Day of the Year

I was lulled to sleep by the sound of the howling wind. Icy snow was covering the lawns and then the roads. I dreamt what felt like all night long. So vividly, borderline lucid. They felt more real than ethereal. That's not new for me, and yet I feel the need to share that my dreams lately have felt different.

My first stop this morning was the window to confirm what I already knew: the snow stuck. I knew because of the incandescent light a fresh snowfall exudes. I snuck out for a few hours of work. The roads were messy and mostly empty. Everyone is holed up at home. I will be too...soon.

For the first time in years, we are having a very quiet night at home on New Year's Eve. Just the two of us. We've gone back and forth over putting something together, but the truth is that I just am not feeling it this year. In years past, I've been known to throw something together post haste, but I don't anticipate any last minute soirees at Casa Wags tonight. We have a puzzle and a pizza. Netflix too. And a bottle of champs.

I'm going to try out my new instant pot tomorrow. The inaugural recipe will be lucky lentil soup. It often shows up on New Year's Day. We'll cheer on our Badgers in the Rose Bowl. We may or may not go to an open house, polar bear in Lake Michigan or get dressed at all. We will be looking forward to 2020.

I'm not big on resolutions. In the past, I've set intentions. This year I'm going with goals. Semantics? Yes and no. Intentions don't suggest active attainment and this year I am eager and excited to make some changes. Small at first. Attainable. The idea is to let them build on a foundation of success. Foundations as I have personal and professional goals. I won't write them down. Don't need to. They are written in my bones. A part of me. Essential. Always there.

I'm not ready to do a recap on 2019. I need more distance to see things clearly and impart my final words. Wisdom will long follow. Truth is, I may never get the clarity or certainty because I intend to look forward. Every year has it's gifts and losses, its joys and pains, its lessons and blessings. 2020 will be no different.

Christmas Is In The Books

Christmas 2019 has come and gone. The past couple days I felt the post holiday blahs bad. All the build up, preparation and anticipation and then it's over. All that's left are photos if you remembered to take them, lots of trash and memories. I took a few photos, the garbage is picked up and I have a cache of warm memories. It's back to reality. It's back to healthy eating, an exercise regimen and resolutions. I'm mostly ready. Every December I slip into the naughty habit of having Christmas cookies with my morning coffee. Sugar for breakfast is a no no, and yet I cannot resist. Yesterday I brought a giant veggie platter to work. I had green beans, the sweetest baby tomatoes and carrots for breakfast. Truth is it tasted better than cookies. I think I've reached my limit.

Christmas Eve we celebrated just the four of us. Church was first and foremost on the agenda. We slipped into our regular pew in the midst of the Christmas concert. By the time mass starts, it's standing room only so that was a stroke of luck. I shed a few tears of joy during the service. I can only say that I felt filled to the absolute brim with gratitude and overcome with spirit. While we sang the recessional, Hark the Herald Angels Sing I felt so light. All was right with Christmas. We planned to order Chinese, but we had a hard time finding a restaurant that would even answer the phone. They were all slammed. Mike headed to a nearby takeout place and they locked the door as soon as he entered. He was the last customer of the night. Another stroke of luck. They were out of  rice, but we made due with some noodles. Dessert was a game of Uno, Lily's new favorite. Then we opened presents for the rest of the night. We were all very happy. Tigger most of the crew. He is the biggest kid of all. He loves the ribbons, boxes and bows. His bag of toys too. We retired to the family room for the first showing of Elf this year. I think we all nodded off about halfway through. It was a perfect family night.

Christmas Day was another family celebration. We gathered for a delicious brunch feast that Mike perfectly timed. It was a decadent spread of eggs benedict casserole with blender hollandaise, my brother's breakfast burritos, au gratin potato stacks, Lily's favorite Caesar salad, kielbasa, Rosie's tuna salad, croissants and fruit. Nothing makes me happier than family around my table. And yes, I use the good china. I use it every chance I get.We're still eating leftovers. We headed to the living room to exchange gifts. It was another marathon session. We ended the night with our white elephant exchange and dessert and appetizers. The hits were the Olaf suit Lily scored, Ted's Corona Christmas sweater, Grasshopper pie, Loie's cookies and her Irish toast. Ted went out with friends and Mike and I fell asleep in front of the tree rehashing the goodness of the day. It was a happy day.

I enjoyed a very lazy day after. I stayed in my pjs until dark enjoying a Survivor marathon. I finished one book and started another without an ounce of guilt. Candace came to catch up for happy hour. I used my fancy new aerator and plopped some homemades in the oven. Christmas isn't over yet.

And the festivities continued last night for Ted's birthday. We had a fun, delicious family dinner at his restaurant of choice. I thoroughly enjoyed being out on the town and my capellini alla caprese. Most of all my peeps. The kids went out with friends and Mike and I went to our local Cheers.

Teddy just rolled in. He's making eggs. Lily's still sleeping. We're talking about a family movie date this afternoon. Star Wars for the guys and Little Women for the girls. I know...how very gender predictable. We all have good intentions for a work out before the theater. It will be another good day. And for the record, Christmas isn't over just yet.

Hey Nineteen!

Happy Birthday Theodore Michael,

I said as much in your card, but I will say it again here: nineteen feels like a big deal...a big year...a big age. Every time I thought about it today, it gave me pause. Maybe because you are in the season of life of much change and growth. The passage of time these days seems to be especially significant.

I was able to wish you a happy birthday before you snuck out the door this morning in one of your snazzy new flannels. The one Dad proudly picked out for you. This was a very flannelly Christmas for you. Green too as in golf and cash. You were on your way to trade stock options with your friend and fellow gambler. You do not appreciate that I refer to your new "job" as gambling. To this I remind you that I am fifty. Fifty is a bigger deal...a bigger year...a bigger age than nineteen. I don't know everything, but I know enough that there are times you should heed my wisdom. Now you are working out  kicking Dad's butt at the club. We're headed to dinner at El Calderone Club downtown. It will be a small celebration tonight. Cozy. Quaint. Perfect.

Truth is I am baked, cooked, shopped out. I apologize for giving birth to you two days after Christmas. I will be the first one to say that you get a bum deal every year. Only last minute parties, often no cake, combined gifts, no cards, few calls. I don't think you are any worse for the wear as we all can see that the life of Ted is charmed and full. And I did retrieve a single card for you in the mail a little bit ago. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa!

After dinner, Cole is having a party for you. You've been spending lots of time with your friends all home from college and you are in your element. This is your happy place. First semester in the books. An almost 4.0 in your college resume. A month off with your peeps. Time to work out and trade. Money in the bank. A ski trip on the horizon.

I'm happy for you. Seeing you and your sister happy is the purest joy I feel in my life full of blessings. 

I also shared with you in your card that I am proud of you. As I wrote it I remembered your balking at all the expressions of pride you received at graduation. You felt you only did your job and maybe even that you could have done a better job. I won't argue with that despite the fact that you earned your gold cords. The pride I'm talking about though is not just about the impressive grades. I'm proud that you are finding your way, exploring your passions, making your own experience in Madison. I'm proud that you are working hard, of course, but also that you are giving of yourself. As much as you can remember that it is not always all about you, as much as you can keep yourself humble and practice kindness, as much as you can give back, I'm telling you that it will return one hundred fold. 

That's the never-ending gift Ted. That's the infinite circle of good will and karma.

I love you without strings or conditions or limits always and forever.

Mama

The Night Before Christmas

It's here. The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is always so elusive. I surmise because I would prefer it linger if not last forever. There's just so much I cherish about this time of year. It's the reason I try and tick off all the boxes and fill all my tanks. It's got to last another eleven months. Oh, I'm well aware that Christmas is a state of mind and the peace, goodwill and joy aren't just December concepts, but they sure seem more abundant this time of year.

I admit that many people don't share my sentiment. The holidays are tricky times filled with land mines and ghosts and very real hardship. All I can say is that I have been there and I pray nightly for peace in every heart and abundance in every life. Then there are those who find it all too much work...a burden...a drain. And I've been there too. To you I say get rid of the things that suck the spirit out of your season. I axed cards years ago, changed up my cookie routine this year, and say yes only when I truly feel the chi. 

Despite all the attention these past stretch of weeks, there are still a few last minute gifts to buy, a pile of gifts to wrap, a long list of dishes to prepare and a messy house to ready for Christmas Day company. This all must be accomplished before mass this afternoon. It's but one reason I'm up early this morning. The other is that I am soaking in these moments of solitude. This tree side peace and quiet are fuel for the next few days.

We're already off to a stellar start. T Bone came home Thursday and it's as wonderful as I anticipated being a family of five again. Friday Jess came over with ingredients to make her grandma's date balls and sandbakkels. The balls were a breeze, but the sand tarts were a little more tricky. We kept the wine flowing until we finally mastered the technique. We had the Christmas spirit and angel inspiration. And also a fun, memorable night. I should have been doing many other things, but I wanted to bake with my frister and so I did. Then Saturday I was back in the kitchen with Teddy. He promised a crepe cake for dessert at my brother's that night. We were due at 5 o'clock. He started this ambitious recipe at 4 o'clock. With a little help from dad on the crepes and from mom on ganache, he came bearing an impressive and delicious 20 layer cake. Again, I didn't need to be going for dinner the night before a Christmas celebration, but it was what I wanted to do. I managed to make a Caesar salad and French Silk pie in time for our noon time celebration with Mike's family Sunday. It was a lovely day. My nieces and nephews are all grown up and such interesting people. It's so fun to see them come into their own. Ted was asked a gazillion questions and it was fun to hear his answers. He also got lots of advice from his aunt and uncle who are college professors. Free advice is money.

Tonight we will attend church, get Chinese takeout and open our gifts. I decided I didn't want to cook. I want the focus to be on spending time together. And tomorrow's menu is stacked with everyone's favorites. We'll host Christmas Day brunch. My table is already set. The hydrangeas already died. I may or may not replace them. Working hard not to let perfect ruin good. It's hard. Also remembering the reason for the season. That is not hard.

Wishing a very Merry Christmas to anyone who stops by here to visit my little place on the www.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

A day off. I love my new job. Well, not so new after a year. I like going to work. I have very flexible hours. I add value. I am appreciated. It's all good. So good that I forget to take a day off now and then just because. That's good too.

This morning, I let Mike sleep in while I got Lily to school and then I finished one book and started another before he woke up.

We decided to walk the parkway instead of trek to the Audubon to save time since we were getting a little later start than planned. We talked about our holiday plans and came up with some good ideas.

We got some shopping done. We have just a few more gifts to purchase. 

We went for blinner at 3:30 (breakfast, lunch and dinner). I had a delicious gyro at our neighborhood bar and grill.

Then I curled up on the couch and fell asleep after a few chapters.

Now I'm here. Looking back on this week's bright spots and blessings.

This sky. The winter sky gives me the feels.

An almost full moon in the twilight sky.

A date with my guy to see a show on a Sunday afternoon. We agreed it was such a sweet story. As we walked across the street for a little holiday cheer, we were both singing Omar Shariff. Before we left, the rain turned to snow and it was such a cozy December date.

We've all noticed a change in this guy since he's become an only. He's a chatter box, a lap cat and he no longer minds being picked up and held. In fact, he begs for it.

A perfectly runny yolk. This is making me hungry.

Lily is kicking butt in school, has good friendships and a healthy attitude. I know how blessed I am to have such a hard working, kind, confident daughter.

Ted is in the midst of finals and he sort of slayed his first semester. I read a paper he asked me to proof recently and I was more than impressed. He will be home some time in the next 7 days.

Dining rooms. My dining room especially at Christmastime. It becomes the heart of the house.

Yes, another picture of my French silk pie because it's quite a looker here. My guy helped me perfectly place these mini chips when I grew impatient. I'm an oxymoron: a baker with little patience.

Lots of walks this week.

Tigger is such a kid at heart. This guy loves Christmas. Christmas is for cats.

Santa Amazon brought this gift early. We decided he needed it now since it's damp and cold.

A cozy new pink sweater I almost sent back, but got many compliments on the frigid day I wore it. Apparently, it's a keeper. 

This is my favorite time of year. I love the focus on family, festivity, faith.