Brain and Photo Dump

I haven't been taking many photos. That's unusual for me. Below are a few from recent weeks that tell you a lot about my current headspace. I'm betwixt and between: seasons, stages, cities. The one consistency is Casa Wags where the three amigos remind me to sit down, relax and breathe. I am unapologetically that crazy cat lady.

We moved Ted home from Madison last weekend. He'll be here for a few weeks before spending the rest of the summer in Chicago, which right now is only slightly less violent or dangerous than Milwaukee, a fact that is weighing on me heavily. I feel like we are bursting at the seams with stuff as we shift households again. My dad laughed when I told him I could use his expertise in transportation logistics after his many years in that profession. I wasn't joking.

We're going down to Chicago Saturday to clean his apartment, take some essentials and measure before we do the big move. I'm not sure that they will appreciate me coming through the lobby of the John Hancock with buckets and brooms, but I don't really care. They do not make it easy for you to move in.

Before summer is over, we have 4 more moves. Madison to Madison apartment TBD, Chicago to Milwaukee and then both kids back to Madison. And yes, my head hurts. My body to my bones too. I have a gazillion lists and color coded calendars and I'm doing my very best to take it day by day so as not to steal the sweetness of the here and now.

Last night the guys went to work out together after Ted spent the day golfing. Lily came home from senior skip day at the Brewer's game and hung out with a friend in the basement. I took a cat nap before a friend came to dinner. Mike made his bbq ribs and while it was just an ordinary day, it was special. Worth noting because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives. It can also be said that who we spend our days with is who we spend our lives with and that is what matters most. I want to be present today. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

Weekending

Even though it was Mom's Day weekend I agreed to a 36 hour road trip (11 of which were spent in the car) with Jess. Her cousin had the lead role as Violet in Milliken University's spring musical. She graduates in 2 weeks and is NYC bound to try to make her way as a performer. I don't want to jinx anything by throwing that B avenue out there, but she certainly has the potential, the talent, the desire. Godspeed Paige.

I love theatre, but there is something extra special (hopeful and inspiring) about up and coming artists. The energy is off the charts. The rawness of their performances is refreshing. This theatre was small. Another word for small is intimate. That definitely adds to a performance as well. I spent a good amount of time watching the audience filled with friends and family members because I was living vicariously through them. Paige had quite a contingency most of them women: mom, aunts, cousins, a sister, an 87 year old Grandma, and it struck me as the perfect way to spend Mother's Day weekend...in the company of so many generations of women supporting women.

It's funny, but it made me happy, not blue. Happy because it reminded me of all the times my mom was my cheerleader. I had my time with her Friday afternoon. I set out on a solo trail walk with the idea that I'd think about her. My energy was received. I found two heart shaped rocks too big to put in my pocket right between a single blooming daffodil that was a beacon in the woods. That's what I call a universe moment. They are humbling, hopeful and healing. Heart shaped rocks being our thing. One of our things.

 

I came home Sunday evening to a little celebration and lots of flowers. Ted even sent me a bouquet and that was a nice surprise since I know he's in the middle of exams. Mike and Lily made me dinner. Mike was on steak and Lily fixed my new favorite Brussels sprouts. There was wine and dessert. I know how lucky I am for all of it, them, this.

 

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Cooking with Teddy. One night last week he called me at about 9 o'clock to get advise on cooking his tenderloin steaks. He knows what to do, but I oblige. We each poured a glass of wine after long, productive days, and we Facetimed while he made his dinner and I missed him a little less. 

Junior year is in almost in the books. He'll be home in a week for a brief stay before we move him to Chicago for the summer.

He will graduate in December and immediately begin his masters in tax.

 Lil's is done with her AP exams. She had 4 this week. Now she can relax and just enjoy the rest of her senior year.

We signed up for housing last week. She is going to be roomies with a lovely girl from Chicago named Faith. They met on social media and clicked.

Mike. He obliged my suggestion that he make an awesome cat house out of boxes we had lying around the house. Gus  was constantly underfoot supervised and now thinks he owns the place. 

Billy and Emmett and Duchess and Woolly. Such compelling characters. I finally finished The Lincoln Highway and I highly recommend it. Now I'm reading a collection of short stories set in Alaska called Nobody Gets Out Alive. I'm just a couple in, but I like it.

I'm challenging myself this week to buy only the necessary groceries and plan meals based on what's in the pantry and freezer(s) again. I did that last week too, but we still paid $250 at our weekly stop. Lils and I were both surprised enough that we scrutinized the receipt. Ouch! This is getting real folks.

A spontaneous happy hour at a favorite place with a favorite person last night. I had it on my mind to just go home after a couple business calls, but my aunt convinced me with a we won't be able to do this much longer. We stopped out at Caterinas. It was a good choice. The escargot was so good and garlicky and perfect with a nice Chianti.

The night before, Mike and I were watching the news after a walk when the doorbell rang. Jess stopped by after work. I made a quick cheese plate and we caught up. The lovely brie with blue that Candace brought last week made another appearance. It's my new favorite.

Tomorrow Jess and I are going on a 24 hour road trip to Millikin University to see her cousin perform  the lead in the school musical. After graduation in a couple weeks, she is NYC bound to chase her Broadway dreams. You might think Jess and I were going to the big city instead of quaint Decatur IL by how excited we are to get out and about.

A new pair of silver hoops. I have been in search of and I found exactly what I was looking for. Never kid yourself, it is always about the little things.

Our 25 year old dryer was repaired yesterday for $100. I was ready to go appliance shopping because 25 years old, but Mike convinced me to be sensible. He reminded me that the handful of times we've had this set repaired, we've been told to never get rid of them because...they don't make things the way they used to. And that folks is a fact.

Getting started on fall clean up in the yard this week. Everything is coming up including the iris bulbs we transplanted from my aunt's garden in fall.

Irises. They remind me of my childhood home. The front walk was flanked on both sides by irises in every color. Now they'll also remind me of my aunt.

William Sonoma croissants. Since I will be gone on Mother's Day, I sent my step-mom a treat. I included the Fortnum and Mason jam trio because it takes the bakery to the next level. I always recognize Judy on this day because she is one of my moms and I'm grateful for her presence in my life.

Mike will take his mom on a mother son date to the theatre next weekend. I think she will really enjoy this gift and let me tell you...boy does she deserve it. I'm grateful for her too.

I brought flowers for my aunt yesterday because while she's more my big sister, she's someone I am also grateful for, and she is my son's god mother.

Mothers, aunts, fristers...where would we be without them? I'm missing my mom this year as always, but it's that gnawing sadness that gently tugs at my heartstrings. It stings slightly less when I remember the angels here on earth and how blessed I am in my own role as mother, the best title I've ever had.

Cat mama too. Finn is such a snuggler lately. In the middle of the night, he meows to be let under the covers where he settles in and literally hugs me for hours. And no one is sweeter than Hazel. She is my sidekick...my shadow. Gus is still pure entertainment. His new thing is to run like a wild man throughout the house until he pants like a dog. We call it his shpilkes.

Note to Self

 

Mike is traveling this week. The kittens miss him. I miss him too, but I think it's healthy to have some time apart to miss each other. It's also good for him to get out of the house and be around people. I am of the opinion that the isolation that comes from working from home is not healthy long-term. Sure there are conveniences, but collaboration and connection are sacrificed. I'm grateful to go to the office everyday. I may not feel that way if I didn't love my job and the people I work with, or have a ton of flexibility and a 7 minute commute. It's surreal to me that after 25 years working for a company I no longer respected or trusted, I ended up in this place with these people. Note to self: never doubt new beginnings.

After a good day at work yesterday, I bundled up for a walk. Yea, it's back in the 30s...40s if we're lucky. I don't mind though because I had the trails mostly to myself. I took the river path. It's cold enough to not be muddy so there's that. I started a new podcast, Up and Vanished season 3. I like Payne Lindsey. Note to self: sign Lily up for that self defense class.

Two boxes of new walking shoes were delivered yesterday. I'll chose one, but I wore my old shoes anticipating mucky trails. I finally bit the bullet and ordered top of the line shoes. I will do whatever I have to to maximize my mileage by minimizing my aches and pains. Hello mid 50s. It's my intention to be better at stretching too. I know what I need to do. Note to self: do it. 

I made myself turn in last night before I really wanted to. Who is this night owl I've become? I decided to finally finish The Lincoln Highway. I had 30 pages. I made it through 20 before my lids were unbudgingly heavy. I was asleep soon after lights out. No monkey mind. Reading is better than any drug. Sometimes I stubbornly resist that which I know to be good for my mind, body and spirit. Note to self: stop doing that. Please.

This weekend presents itself as a blank slate. I'm not itching to make any plans. Last weekend was rather full. Saturday we were guests. Sunday we were hosts. It'll be a come what may stretch of days and that suits my current state of mind. Note to self: be.here.now.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Finding Gus. He snuck out through the garage recently and then disappeared. On the verge of a heart attack, I walked around the neighborhood clanging on his bowl and calling his name. I was making my way home when I saw him standing in the driveway proud as a peacock looking at me. As I approached him, he darted in the bushes and Mike and I worked together to finally coax him out. Mike scolded him. Finn scolded him. But that didn't stop him from trying to escape again later that day. Our resident Houdini is going to be a problem this summer.

 A haircut. I was embarrassingly overdue. 

Our energy bill was $70 under budget last month. Inflation is no joke. I cannot believe how much a trip to the grocery costs right now especially when Ted comes home and we stock him up.

Window open weather. The parade of dogs. The birds spring songs.

It's a rainy day. I can literally see the grass greening.

Getting up early yesterday for a walk before work. Morning miles feel so good. I need to get back into the habit of starting my day with a sweat.

American Idol. I haven't watched in ages, but I tuned in this season and I cannot believe the level of talent these contestants have. I'm rooting for so many of them.

Finding 50 cat toys behind the living room couch. It was like Christmas morning.

Catching up with my cousin recently. We kept missing each other.

Good Friday family dinner. We took Ted to one of our favorite pizza places. He was impressed.

Last week's full moon. 

 

Hints of spring.

 

Finny in a favorite spot.

 

 

Our Black Beauty.

 

Gus in a signature pose.

A good week at work.

A quiet night ahead. And just a few plans for the weekend.

Weekending

It is said April is a month of extremes. I think that's why I'm not a lover of our fourth month. She's so unpredictable that I just cannot trust her. Yesterday I woke up to snow. It will be 70 before the end of the week.

The weekend was cold and windy, but that didn't stop Ted from golfing both Friday and Saturday, or running in shorts on the beach with his uncle. The rest of the fam went for a walk on Marine Drive Easter morning and were surprisingly warmed by the sun despite the chilly temps. We saw a couple eagles and lots of deer. It was our church.

I'm usually at mass on Easter Sunday, but this year we decided to spend time at Windmill Beach. I missed it, but it was nice to get out of dodge and decompress too. I was up to watch the sunrise through the clouds Sunday morning and that in itself is a good dose of holy. Then I went back to bed.

I'm looking forward to beach days, but there is also something special about WB in other seasons. Something cozy, safe and snug. We cook together, play games and are grateful for the time away as a family. Wizard always makes an appearance or two and we are still on a Sequence kick. The guys play lots of cribbage and there were a few games of ping pong too. When we finally got home Sunday night, the kittens were very happy to see us and are not really letting us out of sight ever since. 

Ted's back in Madison for his final stretch of projects and exams before finishing his junior year. Lily is a few AP exams away from graduation. I'm focusing on honoring all these milestones and preparing for what comes next. 

Weekending

Lil's prom was two Saturdays ago. I was anxious all day because I remember my own high expectations when I was her age. I just wanted her to have a fabulous time with her friends. She looked stunning in her simple, elegant dress.The young men and women all looked so grown up and glam. I had the same conversation several times with other mothers about years are minutes and how are we already here: our baby girls poised and beautiful ladies deep in a season of lasts. It's one of those times our language fails me...there is no adequate word to convey this feeling. It's the textbook definition of happysad and obviously two words.

This weekend was another good one. Quality time spent with family and friends. We celebrated my bil, Mark's, bday with a Spanish feast Saturday night. I love when I'm inspired by a theme and excited to try new recipes. I made empanadas for the first time. They were easy and delicious so they'll be back. Dinner was our favorite Spanish Chicken. Think paprika...sweet, smoky and hot. And garlic. I roast it with big fat Manzanilla olives, baby potatoes, onions, jalapenos and cauliflower, and then serve it with a silky aioli. I made a Basque Cheesecake for dessert. How have I never done this before. We lingered around the table enjoying a Malbec and then a Tempranillo while sharing dreams and memories. It was so nice that Lils had dinner with us before going out with friends. It was a good night at the end of which I did an Irish goodbye. Thankfully, because Sunday was a full day.

I had a maskless theatre date with Candace. We saw and loved Ain't Too Proud to Beg...the music, the story and the level of performance was insane. The crowd was energized and it was palpable. Also enduring. I was still smiling today. After the show, we walked back to Candace's. She opened a bottle of champs and made some popcorn and we talked until the bottle was empty, but my heart was full.

Life feels a little bit of a whirlwind lately because there are a lot of moving pieces. I resist feeling overwhelmed by carving out the moments of connection I need to be.here.now becuase really what's the alternative?