Weekending

I just dropped Ted off at the early morning Badger Bus. So early we were up in the dark. I no longer get verklempt when we say goodbye, but I already miss him. So do the kit kats. They are stuck to me like glue. When they heard Teddy's voice Thursday, they came running to greet him. He spent lots of time with all three of them the three days he was home.

It was a stretch of beautiful, family filled days. We celebrated my dad's birthday. He was happily surprised to see Teddy. We kept a little secret that he was home.

We missed Lils who was busy with Homecoming festivities. They cancelled the dance in lieu of an outdoor carnival at the eleventh hour, which wasn't popular with the kids. She went out for dinner with a group of friends instead. Aren't we all sick of pivoting and decisions that make so little sense.

Ted and Lily golfed with their aunt and uncle yesterday and then we toasted the time spent together.

Mike grilled fajitas at Ted's request and we settled in to watch the most exciting Packer game I can remember. It was an exciting sports weekend for Wisconsin in general. 

Scenes from the weekend...

 

Saturday Morning

 

I've been quiet here. I cannot explain it. At least once a day, I have the urge to write, but it quickly passes. And then at the end of the day I miss the memories I capture in this space.

This time of year always takes the wind out of my sails because it's hard not to notice the swift passage of time with back to school and the change in seasons. Never mind that I'm a fall girl to my core. I still feel more wistful and wishful than usual as summer comes to an end.

I was up early and out on the trails on the first day of fall. Lils needed me to help fashion her toga before school. It's homecoming so a week of spirit days. I'd say her spirit has been limp so I was thrilled that she wanted to participate. She vetoed the gold cording I found calling me extra. It's true. She gives me an inch and I take a mile. I thought for a nano second about going back to bed because it was chilly, but I resisted the urge for comfort and ease. I knew a few miles would be better for me than a few more minutes of sleep. It actually was a gorgeous morning and the path was busy. Preferring solitude, I hopped on the river trails and it was a beautiful choice. It always is.

I caught a glimpse of my front porch as I left for work that morning and immediately thought...seasonal confusion. The smash up of leggy annuals with the bright bursting mums is just where we are at present. I need to remember to lean into it. I need to stop worrying about how we got here, or where we are going. I need to be.here.now.

Last weekend I went for a sunset cruise on the lake with the girls. It was a beautiful night to be out and about. I felt like a tourist in my own town. We met some visitors who had fallen in love with Milwaukee over their weekend stay despite having low expectations. I felt pride as if a mama bear. I do love my city and I wonder why I don't explore it more. How have I never done this? Why do we wait until we are on vacation to seek out the sights? That's going to change.

Ted just came into the kitchen and declared: It smells like fall. I've got a batch of granola in the oven. He came home for the weekend to surprise Grandpa who we are celebrating later today. I think he also needed a kitty fix and a comfy couch and large screen tv on which to watch the Ryder Cup. I love that he loves to come home and isn't too proud to admit it. And I also love that he came home sans laundry. He actually did it before he left. Progress.

It's only Saturday morning, but it's already been a great weekend.

73

 

Happy Birthday Mom,

Today would have been your 73rd birthday. I'm pretty sure you would still look more like my sister than my mother. I still miss you every day.

I decided to walk the golf course with Lils today instead of attending your annual mass. She invited us to be spectators for the North Shore Championship match and that is an offer I'm quite sure you'd want me to take. In fact, she was playing for you. She didn't play as well as she wanted, but I was proud of the composure she showed the couple holes she struggled on. It was very windy and that was a challenge.

Life is full of challenges as we well know. I still hear your voice when I say, what doesn't kill you doesn't kill you. You never said, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I never say it either because it trivializes hardship and pain, and it's untrue. In the long run, suffering so often makes us softer. Softer as in vulnerable, empathetic and open-hearted.

Losing you at the time and in the way I did, has made me value my loved ones on a much deeper level. That's saying a lot because I have always lauded the people in my life. I no longer take these relationships for granted, I have no interest in holding grudges, and I love fiercely without condition. That is your legacy Mom.

Next year I'll be back in the pew beside Candace praying for you. Then we'll toast you at the Swinging Door after. She was there today. I got a text that they had no Miller Lite. We agreed that was a sign. You cannot toast alone.

Wink Wink,

Krissy

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

This piece in The Atlantic...read it:

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2021/09/twenty-years-gone-911-bobby-mcilvaine/619490/

A midweek stop at the Farmer's Market. I went for a yellow watermelon. They were all gone. I stocked up on other staples and then spent my last $8 on a beautiful bouquet that I turned into several once home. I resisted the urge to start stocking up on squash because there's time for that.

 

I'm resisting mums and pumpkins too, but not for much longer.

It's time to visit the apple farm. Ginger Golds are ready.

I tried another new sheet pan dinner this week. It was a yummy combo of chicken wings and roasted cauliflower in a sweet and spicy mustard sauce.

Lils was off yesterday. She enjoyed a beauty day getting her hair and nails done. She talked me into highlights in the front and gel nails. She is low maintenance compared to many peers. She wanted me to join her, but I had to work to pay for the indulgence. Wink wink.

Ted has plotted his future after a meeting with a Business School advisor. He's got a plan to graduate in 5 years with his Masters in Tax and his CPA. Oh yea, and that fifth year will be covered because he'll be a TA in the accounting department.

A girls weekend in the purview. The plans are a bit loosey goosey, but there will be wine and time to catch up and I am so so looking forward to it.

Plums. Lils loves them too.

Perfect sleeping weather.

The kittens are 6 months old. 

 

 

It's a Good Day to Have a Good Day

I got my butt out of bed for the second time this week today for before work exercise. I have the kit kats to thank to be honest. I turned off my alarm. At the first sign of life, those three amigos were relentless in their attempts to rouse me. Finn shimmied under the covers and bit me in the butt. That finally did it.

It was a warm 55 degrees. I wore pants and sleeves and wished I hadn't. The sun is still all it takes to heat up. I wasn't feeling great, but eventually I got my stride. I cued up a Family Secrets episode and the miles flew as I was completely engaged in Jennifer Senior's story about Bobby Mc Ilvaine, the pervasiveness of grief and the tenuousness of memory. He lost his young life on 9/11. I've been wholly absorbed in 20 year anniversary coverage.

Sunday morning I watched 20/20 while I was at work in the kitchen. Diane Sawyer interviewed the now grown children who were born after their father's died on that day. I was a puddle. Lils came down to find me sobbing. The way she looked at me reminded me of the way 10 month old Teddy looked at me on 9/12 two decades ago. He was unsettled at seeing me so sad. She was too.

For the sake of time, I opted for lemon water this morning and a cold shower. I put on my favorite worn in jeans, much loved flip flops and sassy pink lip stick and felt like a million bucks. This is why I love to start my day sweating. The toxin purge is physical and emotional. They are equally important.

Weekending

After a full weekend, I'm finally feeling ready for the new week. Monday was hard. Mondays are hard. It was a stormy, gloomy day...unseasonably cool too, and that added to my malaise. I came home and confessed to Mike that I was in a funk. A glass of wine, a pot pie made the day before ready to put in the oven for dinner, a couple episodes of Mr Robot and cat cuddles lured me back to my happy place. So did Lil's contagious enthusiasm over her 92 in her tournament that day and the second Facetime with Ted in as many days. She medaled in at 12th out of 125 golfers. He is missing home a little and his Gustavo a lot.

So last week I waxed on about not needing to change. It was an exercise in thou dost protest too much. Hands down, the best way out of a funk for me is self-care. This morning I got up for a before work workout and I juiced a big bunch of celery. I'm wearing orange and I feel it in my bones that today is going to be a good day.

It was a good weekend too. One that could not have been any better. I resisted my penchant to tag out and instead said, yes, why not, when.

My brother and sil came for an end of week happy hour Friday that turned into an impromptu dinner on the patio at Poco Loco. We floated the idea of takeout and then decided we should go out. It was a beautiful night for outdoor dining and those are in short supply around here. It was the right call.

Saturday was sunny and warm and perfect for a day of pontooning. We enjoyed a day on the water with my aunt and uncle tooling around, tying up at dive bars for a game of darts and a beer, and finding old friends literally in the middle of the lake. One of them is the proud new owner of his very own island. We had bar burgers under twinkle lights at the Hideaway after a full day of fun in the sun.

 

 

I got busy in the kitchen Sunday morning making dinner for a friend who just had surgery. Mike delivered the pot pie and warm banana bread and stayed for the Packer game. Lily and I headed to the Third Ward to scout out spots for her senior pictures this Saturday. It was hopping. And it was funny because there were numerous senior photo sessions going on around town. We did a little shopping and waited in a crazy long line for iced coffees before stopping at a park on Brewer's Hill that may be another great photo op. The temps dipped into the 60s and I started to regret my choice of beverage.

 

I tried a new sheet pan recipe for dinner: hoisin pork tenderloin with roasted sweet potato wedges and green beans. Chicken for Lils. It was good and comforting on the chilly night. After dinner, we cued up the newly released Malignant, and we all three agreed it was a tad hokey. Still, it was a perfect way to spend a Sunday night.

Remember

 

Today marks the 20th anniversary of 9/11, a day I'll never forget. The truth is that many have and those who don't remember are destined to repeat the past. In the past, stronger words like condemned and doomed have been used. They may be more accurate.

I shy away from politics here, but I'm finding it harder to do that these days. While I don't want to add to the growing divergence among us, I can not pretend that I don't believe what I believe. What I believe is not because I am a Democrat or a Republican or a member of any affiliation other than the human race.

Truthfully, I cannot stand most politicians regardless of the side they are on. Most of them are self-serving and unscrupulous and human, thus flawed. That's why I believe in the constitution and my rights as defined within. The democratic framework it established over 200 years ago protects us from government and the people in positions of power. I am worried about the encroachment upon my rights. I can make my own decisions. 

I believe that our veterans should be honored for the sacrifices they make in the name of freedom. When I saw the faces of the servicemen and women recently killed in the terrorist attack in Kabul, I was crestfallen. They were babies with much more bravery than years.

I believe that law enforcement should be respected. I don't want to defund the police, I want to educate them and support them. They have a difficult job. Impossible right now. I turn on the news and every broadcast reports senseless violence and death. I cannot imagine dealing with that first hand every day and then being ridiculed and derided.

I believe that the media is compliant and one of the biggest contributors to the mistrust amongst us. They are openly biased, and thus, unreliable. What happened to reporting the facts? All sides? I am a free thinking individual. I can synthesize, scrutinize and make sense of the facts when they are fairly presented. I don't need George Stephanopolous telling me what to think. I certainly don't care what Jimmy Kimmel has to say about politics. He's a comedian. When I watch him, I want to forget about heavy things and laugh because he said something universally funny.

I believe cancel culture is dangerous. Censorship and ostracism negatively impact our right to free speech. Facebook, Google and Twitter are self-interested social networks. Mark Zuckerberg and his techie peers should not be infringing on our first amendment rights and judging us like Gods. If you don't like what someone has to say, unfollow them, or just stay away from those platforms. That works for me. 

I believe that America is a great melting pot of a nation. I love this country. It's not perfect, but it's better than just about anywhere else. To those who don't agree, I believe you're free to leave.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Another short week. I think 4 day work weeks would cure many of the world's problems.

Teddy is settled in and right back in the swing of things already tackling a big project. 

A plan for Lily's senior pictures with a very talented and intuitive photographer friend.

Matt Haig's The Comfort Book and all the little nuggets within the pages like:

 Don't worry about being cool. Never worry what the cool people think. Life is warmth. You'll be cool when you're dead. Head for the warm people. Head for life.

A neighborhood block party where I met some very warm people.

An impromptu invitation extended to my aunt and uncle for Sunday dinner. They said yes and we had a lovely little birthday celebration for one of my favorite people. Dessert was Ted's favorite French Silk Pie, but I'm pretty sure we all enjoyed it.

Comfort food season. My aunt brought me a dish of stuffed cabbage leaves and it was like getting a hug from my grandma. It was one of her recipes. Last night I thumbed through a new cookbook Jess gave me for my birthday and it inspired me to start thinking about fall meals.

But more farmer's market inspired meals for the time being.

I ordered a new flannel duvet for our bed in the prettiest shade of blue. The nights are getting cool and soon we'll need it.

Perfect sleeping weather.

Hazel is the sweetest little bedmate. I'm not sure where the boys spend the night, but they usually come in at dawn. It's Finn's job to wake us up even if we're not ready.

 

 Dinner with Pete and Sue last weekend. We had a lot to catch up on after a busy August.

LED candles with a remote. I'm not sure why I resisted them, because I'm totally sold now and want to switch out all my candles.

A decision to look into converting our fire place to gas.

Tomorrow's forecast is 88 and sunny. We have plans to spend the day on a pontoon on Okauchee Lake. We're holding on to what's left of summer.

My cousin is coming for a visit next week. I'm excited to see her and for her to meet my new kitties. She's another cat lover.

Finn loves Bob.

 Gus loves Candace and steak.

 

Lily loves Hazel and Gus, but Finn most of all.

 The Tres Amigos love each other.

 

 

Change

Despite noble intentions, quick change is not happening at Casa Wags. I know summer vacation is over and the weather is even cooperating on that front, but I'm having a hard time changing my routines. That has me questioning whether change is even necessary. The jury is out on that for the time being. After all, summer is a state of mind...a quite pleasant one at that. I long ago committed to keep perfect from ruining good. I will get up earlier, exercise more, read more, eat more vegetables or I won't. For all the mores mentioned, there is a less, but I'm not in the mood to call myself out. Can you tell?

I've been thinking about balance lately. I believe in the harmony of duality...yin and yang. The juxtapositions are what make us complex, interesting, dynamic beings. I strive to be multi-faceted, thought-provoking and capable of change when warranted.

I remember one of the first times I really thought about change. I read a quote along the lines of The only way to change is to get out of your comfort zone. It makes sense, but it stuck with me as an impressionable young girl facing change constantly. I was in that stage of life where so much is in flux...friends, classes, interests, goals.

Today I think I'm good with my comfort zone. Don't get me wrong...I still like to meet new people and try new things. I still have dreams and goals, but I'm happy where I am. Like really happy. Sometimes even pinch me blissful, but usually calmly content. I struggle with why I should change that.

Saturday Snippet

 

This morning it really feels like fall. Teddy and I are having our morning caffeine with the Badgers. Today's the first game of the season. I know he's wishing he was in the sea of red and white because I'm feeling the same way. In a little bit, I'll make him his last breakfast. I'm going to miss him.

But he's ready. We had two cartfulls at Costco yesterday. In full disclosure, one cart had an enormous mum, but still we did our damage. He promises to pack this afternoon and we'll load the car. He's taking me and Lils to dinner tonight, Mom's choice. I'm thinking Indian. She's out to lunch right now with my aunt at a cute little bistro I'm excited to hear about.

Last night was the first Nicolet football game of the year. She left with a armful of red, white and blue gear. The theme was USA. That felt right to me. She came home reporting a win and an exciting one at that. So things are off to a good start.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday. I haven't seen her since the pandemic. She asked me if I'm going to lose it when I leave Teddy in Madison. Without hesitation, I told her I would be fine. I know this because I've already done it, I know he always comes home, and I know he is in a good place.

 

 

Firsts and Lasts

 

The stifling heat broke this week and mornings and evenings hint of fall. This is my sweet spot. This is my weather. I'm about to head out for a walk with Dani Shapiro. I love her Family Secrets podcast. I wanted to come here first to put it out there that Lils survived the first week of her last year of high school. It was a short week that felt long especially with a golf meet smack dab in the middle. They rolled out the red carpet and are promising a return to normal. Normal while masked. I don't agree, but we'll do what we have to do to have in person instruction, homecoming, prom, graduation.

Here at Casa Wags we burn the candle at both ends until the very end so the first day is always a classic baptism by fire. I set my alarm to ensure she was up in time. Her room looked like a bomb detonated as she tried on almost every piece of clothing she owns in search of the perfect outfit the night before. I was overwhelmed with guilt when I tucked myself back in bed after wishing her a good day, but I managed to be on the verge of sleep when I realized I had to take a last day photo.

She complied, but took the opportunity to remind me that this was the last. Yep, I'm well aware that we're going through 12 months of lasts thank you very much.

That being said, my firstborn is still home. His classes start Wednesday. The plan is one more Windmill Beach day, one more dinner out and one last trip to Costco. I'll drive him and all his broccoli and eggs and chicken to Madison Sunday morning. I think I'm more excited than he is only because I think he's going to have a stellar year. I'm going to miss my kitchen muse, my movie buddy, my cat whisperer.

Last night I made his favorite dinner. He loves honey mustard chicken thighs served with wild rice and roasted asparagus. Then he stepped out to Kopps for an Oreo Shake and a quart of Fat Boy that was as good as the name suggests. We cued up a movie...a new release that cost $20. That's something we could not have done without grief were Mike Wags home. It was still a pretty cheap date.

Mike's in Durango for work, but he's having some fun too. That fun takes place on a Harley. He reported that the mountains are quite the place for a ride.

I'm off today, but in solidarity with my daughter, I'm going to start getting up earlier in the morning. First thing is also my favorite time for a walk.