On My Mind Monday

The past was what we carried with us, threaded to the future, and we decided whether to keep it close or let it go. Fate was both what we were given and what we made for ourselves.

Alice Hoffman

The Museum of Extraordinary Things 

The long set-up was worth it. The Museum of Extraordinary Things 
delivered a cast of rich, dynamic characters and forever compelling messages of acceptance and forgiveness. It's been a long time since I finished the last page and felt quenched by the ending. I'll definitely be reading more Hoffman.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Lily is feeling good despite her diagnosis. 

It's been a beautiful stretch of days. She's been hanging out in her hammock in the yard. 

An open house. Fresh air. 

Movie nights. We've been watching a movie every night after dinner. Nothing really worth mentioning here.

Moonlight walks. Last night after the movie, Lily and I went for a walk around the neighborhood. It was cool enough to wear a pullover. We had the streets to ourselves. She asked why we don't do this more often. I said we should. We will.

Lots of late afternoon walks too.

Kitchen inspiration. I found a little this week. Yesterday I made a Chinese Chicken Salad for lunch. It was super easy and fresh. I cheated and used rotisserie chicken and a bag of slaw mix. I didn't have sriracha, so I substituted chili paste. It is a make again.

Today I slept in and made brunch.

I'm reading again. I'm halfway through The Museum of Extraordinary Things. The set-up is a little too long for my liking and current attention span. What's keeping me going are the other books in my growing stack.

Surprises. Yesterday the twins Lily is close to turned 16. One of them has Covid. They are in the same QT place we are. We Door Dashed blizzards to the family to cheer them up. It cheered us up too.

Kindness. Candace dropped off a Covid care package the other day. Fresh bread, cinnamon buns, wine and spirits lifted ours. Yesterday a neighbor delivered a batch of freshly baked brownies. We're all about eating our feelings right now.

Black Eyed Susans.

Sunset.

Showy skies.

Our resident greeter.

My side kick.

And snuggle bug.

Full Disclosure

Lily tested positive for the virus. It was just a matter of time. We received word on Sunday night. The rest of us are negative. I'm still convinced that Ted and I had it in February before it was even a thing here. We are all quarantining as instructed. Lily is isolating. She feels good. Pretty sad. A little bored. I feel the same. Ted is in QT at Windmill Beach to ensure that he can go back to work and life next week. He's there solo and equal parts loving it and missing his activities and peeps. It's like he's on a retreat. He's running on the beach, cooling off in the lake and impressing us with his culinary acumen. I sent him to exile with a big bag and a cooler filled with groceries. Last night he learned how to use the grill. He made himself hamburgers and sent a pretty picture with the watercolor sky as his background. I am certain that he will be able to take good care of himself when he moves into his apartment.

That can happen in a few weeks. I have such mixed feelings about what we were all once so excited for. It seems somewhat silly to spend all this money for a stunted education and a scrubbed college experience. And yes, I realize that these are first world problems and that we are all facing sacrifices and challenges, but it doesn't change the fact that this sucks royally for all of us in a million different ways. 

It was a struggle to show empathy to my daughter when she lost it over not being able to get her driver's license by her birthday next month. She's looking at September now, but to her that seems like forever. I dug deep and remembered how excited I was to get my license. It helped. She's okay now. She rebounded and quickly adopted the it is what it is attitude. It's just one of the reasons I love this girl beyond words.

She's still sleeping. There's no reason to wake her. This feels like a lost 10 days in a lost year. I definitely need to get out of the house for a walk. Fresh air and sunshine almost always ensure an attitude adjustment. And yes, I am allowed to leave the house for a walk.

Compass Rose

North

South

East

West

Just Breathe

So yesterday ended up being a good day. Certainly much better than the day before. I purged emotional and physical toxins during a sweaty workout and then I promised a visit to the beach. It was a 90 degree day and we are in QT so our options are limited. Although, Windmill Beach is always a good option. I tried to weenie out, but Mike and Lils were not letting me off the hook. I'm grateful they didn't. We had the beach to ourselves. The water was just a little cooler than a couple weeks ago and wavy. Mike didn't think I'd be able to get in, but I actually was in faster than last time. It was another purge. The surf was bracing and the under tow strong. The thunder was almost inaudible over the sound of the surf and then we saw lightning so we headed in for a game of cards. Lils won.

We came home, took hot showers and ordered takeout from a little Italian place. It was delicious. The movie was so bad I almost went up to bed in the last few minutes, but all in all it was a good day. 

Before I turned in for the night, I received information that Ted's co-worker tested negative. This is the person who we were told was positive and the reason he needed to be tested. Then I found out that Lily's friend who was positive was also negative. I'm just so frustrated with all the misinformation. I feel like we are engaging in a game of telephone. I'm not sure where the breakdown is occurring. And now my neighbor, who according to the message his wife posted on line yesterday is positive and symptomatic with serious co-morbidity,  just walked by my house sans mask for his daily 3 miles. I'm telling you I cannot make this up! Btw she posted that to school other people about taking this seriously. This is why I always ask why? This is why I question motivation, end games, and literally everything. We keep hearing that we have to follow the science, but the science is interpreted and reported by people who have biases and agendas often beyond public health and safety.

I didn't come here to rant this morning, but when I saw my neighbor looking healthy as a horse, I lost it. And for the record, I'm grateful that he is, but either his wife, who happens to be on the school board, is lying or he is endangering the community.

Back to the beach. Breathe.

Just Breathe. 

To the beach.

 Water is wavy and almost warm.

Into the water.

Out of the water.

Summer squall.

Storm watching.

Here We Go

I had the day off yesterday and a fun weekend planned. Best laid plans. We ended up in a long line waiting for Covid tests. Lily was in contact with someone who tested positive at a small, mask-less gathering. As of this morning, I know of a couple more cases. The good thing is that I don't know of anyone who is symptomatic. She had to call in to work and softball practice. She had shifts today and yesterday and a double header on Monday. She's right bummed.

Ted needed a test too. A co-worker in his small office tested positive. Ted hasn't been in contact with him in 2 weeks, but they are being ultra conservative. It's their right to CYA, but it's frustrating because there's no consistency.

It was overwhelming to digest. Where do we go for tests? Who needs tests? How long before we get results? Who do we need to notify? There is so much conflicting information, misinformation, hype. We made phone calls and got on the Internet. I called my doctor. They won't test unless you are presenting with at least 2 symptoms. The kids could get in at their pediatricians, but not until the very end of day and that felt like a waste of a day. This clinic wouldn't test under 18 and that one was full. 

We decided to go to a testing site at a local high school run by the National Guard. We pulled up to a line just before opening that snaked through the neighborhood at least 100 cars. We only waited for a little over an hour. The actual test took seconds and was yes, unpleasant, but not awful. They said we should have results in 3-7 days, but even as soon as 2. I was impressed by the staff, the whole experience.

The rest of the day was a wash. I felt low. No symptoms, lots of anxiety. Angst because I just don't see how we move forward. The minute we start opening up more, the cases surge. I, for one, don't think it's a particularly scary thing for these healthy kids, but I know they come in contact with people at greater risk for serious illness. Sometimes I think we have this all backwards. Shutting down was done to flatten the curve, not eradicate the virus. Every time there's an uptick, we cannot hit pause. I think it makes sense for those who are vulnerable to isolate. I know that's not the way everyone thinks. Believe me I know. On our high school parent's site, people are picking fights, judging, bullying. I am waiting for the cooler heads to prevail and also for the collective wisdom to lead the charge. I'm tired of hearing rumors that this person tested positive, and half truths that school is on or off. The majority of these kids are going to get it. There should not be a stigma. They're waiting until the last minute to make a decision about the plan for fall. We're all trying to do the best for the greater good with the information we have and based on our individual beliefs. 

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Dinner with Jess last Friday. We finally were able to celebrate her birthday. It was a lovely night to enjoy the patio, steaks on the grill, a nice bottle of red. I made her favorite chocolate mousse. She came with a box full of decadent desserts. We indulged.

I connected with my uncle this week. Usually we'd be planning a road trip to visit the Michigan relatives, but not this year.

Mike received word that his job is not in jeopardy.

Mike. He installed our ceiling fan last week and I cannot believe we waited 15 years to do so. It is so lovely. Mike also did our taxes. We filed on the 15th. A little close for comfort for me, but I have no interest in doing them myself. And he made us a delicious Chinese chicken with vegetables dish for dinner one night last week.

$5 fresh bouquets on Friday.

This girl. She's on the edge of 16. Sweet 16. I am so excited for the birthday gifts I have for her this year. I put a lot of thought into making her day special. I'm getting off easy. Our plan was Hawaii for this milestone, but that's not happening right now. 

I have 15 smaller gifts and then one piece of keepsake jewelry. I'm putting together a photo book of her life and going through all the old pictures has been such a trip down memory lane.

When they play Gin together before dinner.

 Birds in the bird bath. Tigger takes birdie patrol seriously.

Netflix. Last night Mike and I watched the Squid and the Whale. It was a quality film from 2005 that neither of us had ever seen. See it.

Fridays off.

In The Eye

What strange days we are living. I hear so many people lamenting 2020 and wishing the year away. I get it. This has been a year filled with pain and fear and real hardship. I can say that hope has come and gone many times over in my little life. Some hours, days and weeks are harder than others, but there is always something to remind me of the beauty in this world and the goodness of its people. I’m not wearing rose-colored glasses, I’m simply opening my eyes. Little things like the hummingbird that comes to visit my strepto carpella, the lingering orioles in the yard, the fat alabaster hydrangeas blooming in my garden and the snowy white gladiolas on the kitchen counter are all reminders that the world is still a beautiful place. Last night we were out for a walk under rumbling skies before the storm and a hawk flew low straight overhead. It stopped me in my tracks. I could hear its wings. What an amazing creature. I’ve been noticing monarchs by day and fireflies by night. These are the things that keep me tender and trusting.

There are many things I could have done without this year, but this time out of time has had its gifts too. All the extra family time has been a positive thing. We sit down for family dinner just about every night. Dinner is at 8 o’clock. That may seem late, but it’s just what works now that we’re all working. During summer, our meals are simpler: something for the grill, something from the farmer’s market and maybe a starch. The ritual of coming together at the end of the day is a comfort especially during these unsettling times.

One of the best things since Ted moved home prematurely is that he and Lily have grown closer. They have more of a camaraderie. He comes home after a day at work and asks where she is. It’s sweet. It makes my mama heart swell to see their relationship changing, growing, strengthening.

In recent weeks, things are definitely starting to feel more normal. The kids both have jobs. He’s getting a taste of the 9-5 life pitching stocks. She’s got a fun summer job scooping ice cream at the lakefront. He’s often on the golf course or at the club working out. She’s hanging with her girlfriends, long boarding and going to the beach or pool. She had a date with a boy on Sunday. Softball started last week. It’s a shortened season that almost ended before it began when one of her teammates tested positive. The health department gave them the go ahead to continue because of the low risk nature of their interactions. I felt relief in the moment, but then a little dread as I realized that any face to face instruction this fall seems unlikely. Everything is still in limbo.

UW Madison committed to face to face instruction until Thanksgiving one week. Then the next week they added that large lectures would be online. If a large lecture is anything over 50 students, that’s about all of them. Reading between the lines, I garner that the majority of learning will be virtual. I’m not too pleased with my alma mater right now because I feel like we’re being manipulated. No one is excited to pay big dollars for the education students got this spring. The university needs the dollars. They need us to think we’re going to get what we’re paying for. Ted’s signed a lease on an apartment so he’ll go either way. We're a little committed. Stuck. I have the spreadsheet complete of all the things we need to buy to set up his pad. We're forging ahead. He can move in in a month. Back when he came home in March, this seemed so far away. Months ago, I had hope that things would be very different than they are now. Better not worse.

It is what it is my mom would say. I wonder what else she would have to say about this world right now. I wonder what we’ll say about this time when we have the ability to look back in a year, five, ten. What will the narrative be? For now, I’ll continue to focus on the extraordinary ordinary and the horizon.

Weekending

I so needed this long weekend getaway on our great lake in our state in our great country. Windmill Beach is always a special place where the rest of the world seems to fade away. It was a break from politics and pandemics and too much pain. There’s no news, few screens, fewer worries. Over the holiday, it’s a little more festive than peaceful. This 4^th it was as lively as I’ve ever seen it and that was welcome after recent stretches of solitude and isolation. No worries, the beach is the ideal place for social distancing, but there were more people at the shore and in the water than I ever recall. The water was warm for July. Temperatures peak in September so to be refreshingly swimmable this early in the season is something to take advantage of. We did. We unloaded the van and went straight to the shore and stayed there most of the day and night. The kids paddle boarded out to the shipwreck and swam to the third sand bar. There were games of spike ball and lots of sand trap practice. My brother and sil had some friends out. Their 6-year-old son is as avid a golfer as Ted. The two boys, years and heads apart, were attached at the hip with clubs in their hands most of the time. Lily made a friend in their precocious 3 year old daughter. I felt only a momentary years are minutes pang of wistfulness. It seems like yesterday that my kids were that small. Needy. There was no nostalgia over being able to sit on the beach and read with a summer cocktail without worry or interruption.

We took a break from the beach for dinner, which was all things bbq. I put together a pasta salad I’d roasted the tomatoes and toasted the pine nuts for earlier. I crumbled on some fresh feta, whisked together an oregano vinaigrette, chiffonaded a little basil from my yard and it was summer in a bowl. The 15 and under crowd enjoyed kiddie cocktails and all three had cherry mustaches. Sugar and calories don't count at the beach, but Ashley and I always try to serve a salad that usually only the two of us eat.

The sun left the sky. Gloaming, which is always my favorite few minutes of the day, put on a show that rivaled the fireworks to follow. There were just as many oooohs and ahhhhs. It never gets ordinary. My brother is the fireworks guy and his pyro passion is not just relegated to the 4^th or to the dark. Usually we sit on the beach and see fireworks up and down the shoreline from Port Washington to Sheboygan. This year the participation was off the charts. A neighbor a few houses north gave my brother a run for his money. Barry had a head lamp and a torch.  I felt like I was front seat at a professional show. All we could find was a single lighter, but we still had quite an audience and an impressive display. The kids loved the Roman Candles best of all. The only thing I don’t love is cleaning up the beach the next day, but it's the least we can do.

When the T’s left long after dark, little J said that it was his best day ever. S had kaleidoscope eyes. We got the report that both the kids were crashed before they hit the main road. I think that says it all. Not long after, both of mine were toast too. The big boys burned the midnight oil playing loud music and cribbage. Ashley and I finished our second bottle of Rose of the day and called it a night. That was a very smart decision that led to a solid night’s sleep.

When I woke on Sunday, my brother and son were already golfing. After sweating through some clean up, we enjoyed a little beach time. The water was warm but refreshing for another day. I left to run some errands and then came back with subs for lunch. An afternoon thunderstorm popped up and that was the perfect invitation for down time. The boys lined up on the living room couch to watch golf. Ashley, Lily and I each found our own spots for sweet little naps. Rested after the rain delay, we all rallied for more beach time. It was a picture-perfect late afternoon. The kids went to pick up pizzas for dinner in their uncle's fun car.  Dessert was a game of Wizard. Lily won. She is now the first female to get her name on the Windmill Beach Olympic Cookie jar for the 2020 Covid Summer Games. It was a big night for her and a long day for all of us so we all headed to bed rather early for us.

I was up just before 5 a.m. Monday, which was just before sunrise, and only long enough to snap this picture before heading back to bed. Twenty-two minutes seemed like a long time to wait for the sun to show up. Ted and Brad were up earliest for a conference call and out running the beach when I woke for the second time. It was another beautiful day at the beach, and I so wanted to stay and enjoy it, but we had to pack up and head home. Lily and I both had to work in the afternoon. The 48 hour respite was a good precursor to this busy week of work and softball and Zoom meetings and appointments. I cannot help the feeling that the rest of the summer will fly by. Lily turns 16 in a month. Ted moves into his apartment soon after that. We still don’t know exactly what junior year will look like for her or what sophomore year will look like for him. Harley is eliminating 500 jobs, which means Mike’s tenure is in question as well. There is a glut of uncertainty in this world right now, but I’m trying to breathe, pray and stay positive just like the rest of you. I’m grateful for the life I have and blessed in so many ways.