Lessons and Blessings

Yesterday Teddy and I set off for Madison to move him out of the dorm with our tried and true Ikea bags. We packed him up in record time and only had to make 4 trips from room to van. We were channeling our inner sherpas. We cheered our efficiency and took a quick farewell tour of the campus. Note to self: never high five your exploits. Teddy showed me the house he'll move into, fingers crossed, in August. It is literally in the back yard of the business school. Location, location, location. I couldn't see the inside, but it sounds like a sweet spot for 3 guys and I know how excited he is to live with friends, have his own room and a kitchen.

On the way out of town, we drove by the deserted Memorial Union. I kept my mouth shut, but I wanted to tell him how much fun it was to sit on the terrace in spring, to hear bands and drink beers and to celebrate the end of the semester...the beginning of summer...and to feel like you literally had the world by the ass. He doesn't know what he's missing.

We drove up Langdon and I showed him the Gamma Phi house and my apartment senior year again. 131 Langdon was straight across the street from the A Chi O house making rush week loud and annoying. I deactivated my sorority senior year, but didn't consider that I'd have to continue to travel up and down fraternity row anytime I went anywhere. I pointed out Mike's studio down an alley and on Lake Mendota. Ted indulged me my memories.

We were cruising on the highway heading home when we heard a quick noise, then another loud humming noise and realized we were driving on a rim with a flat. I stayed perfectly calm and collected which was not an easy task. I got us to the shoulder. My first thought was that I should have peed one more time before we left the dorm. Ted asked, "Who do we call? Dad?" I said, "We call Candace AAA." And that's what I did. While I was on hold for what seemed like forever, a sheriff pulled up to check on us and then wish us luck because apparently AAA is not too reliable in Jefferson County. The driver arrived just a little earlier than we were expecting him so that was a plus. He was a little gruff, but we won him over to the point that he signaled us when to get back in the lane and then slowed the cars behind us after fixing the tire. The whole ordeal was comedic. We had to unload the van, there were trucks flying by us, we had a flat spare, it started to rain, and I had to pee. 

We took the long way home since we couldn't maintain highway speeds on our spare tire. It was an adventure and I have to say that once we stopped at a bathroom, I rather enjoyed the time with my first born co-pilot and our bag of Goldfish. In the final stretch, I asked Ted about what his takeaway from the day was. He said, "Get AAA." Yes, and stay humble, stay calm and pee before any road trip no matter how far!

We unloaded the van. He left to Door Dash. I enjoyed a nice pour and went to bed early. I read until I saw he was home safely (thanks Life 360) and then I slept a sound 10 hours. 

I think we'll remember this day for the duration.

Weekending

I was wide awake at 3 o'clock this morning after just a few hours sleep. None of my usual tricks were working to put me back under. I stayed awake for an hour before deciding to get up and do something. I haven't had any trouble sleeping during quarantine. In fact, I think I've made it quite clear that I am very well rested. And perhaps that's the reason I was wide awake in the middle of the night. I found a movie on Netflix and poured a sleep promoting glass of milk. That made me want a sandwich so I toasted some challah and topped it with a little salami. It was either that or one of the scrumptious cookies Lily made for our girl's viewing of Us earlier (or maybe it was later), one of her favorite movies. I saw that Ted helped himself to a couple when he got home from a photography adventure (his words) with friends. I knew Lily would not be happy if they were all eaten when she gets up this afternoon so sandwich it was. For the record, I enjoyed the movie more the second time around and I didn't fall asleep. I get a lot of flack for that. And I'm having a corner of cookie with my coffee right now. Sometimes quarantine is not so bad.

The first sign of light happens at just before 5 o'clock right now. By the time I crawled back in bed at 6, it was definitely almost day. You wouldn't know that in my cave of a room where every day is cloudy and time of day is always difficult to decipher. I wasn't tired, but I fell asleep. My middle of the night adventure led to a much later and lazier start to the day than I was hoping. But there's little worry because the things I was going to do today, can be moved to almost any other day this week.

This weekend felt almost normal because we are starting to ease back into life. I wanted to say normal life, but this is really a new normal. We spent some time with small groups of people: drinks with neighbors for the draft Friday night and dinner with my brother and sil Saturday. Many people I talk to are starting to slowly and carefully expand their circles. I am discreet about this because I am a little stunned by the vehemence freely expressed by both sides of the aisle. Everyone has an opinion right now. Everyone is an expert.There is rampant judgement and blatant bullying. I really question #wereallinthistogether sometimes. But I won't be censored or silenced on my blog. So yes, we spent time with people who are comfortable doing the same. And also for the record, I will not judge you for choosing to opt out of social gatherings right now or ever. It is your choice.

So it was lovely to have drinks and adult conversation on Friday with someone other than my husband whom I adore. Plus Jo gave my sad hands a paraffin wax treatment and she cleaned my ring better than the jeweler. B & A brought dinner from the club on Saturday. It was such a treat to hang up my apron and it was also delicious. Teddy even came home a little early from Door Dashing to be with us. Dessert was a one bowl chocolate cake that was devilishly rich due to the Belgian cocoa and coffee combo and a very long game of Wizard. Ashley even gave me some free decorating advice. I've got a running list. It was a good visit.

Yesterday I started a new book and then made a stop at the paint store and the hardware store. I never thought picking out a new ceiling fan and toilet seat would be so exciting. When I got home, I made a buffalo chicken dip for the week, a tortellini dish for dinner and a nice balsamic vinaigrette for our Italian salad that night. I thought about taking a walk, but I ended up taking a nap. Mike woke me up to play a game of gin while we waited for the kids to get home. He grilled Italians and we gathered for an easy, but tasty Sunday dinner. Not too much to complain about here.

I've gotten a bit of a late start on this day, but I'm ready for the week ahead. I'm starting to see an end to this and for that reason I think it will be a stretch of days for embracing quarantine life. There is much goodness in being home with loved ones. That is the best part of quarantine.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Getting up before 10 o'clock this morning. I like a lazy morning to last longer.

It's a dreary day, but I have spring flowers strategically placed throughout the house to lift my mood. This is the latest addition.

Ted asked for chicken and waffles this week when my dad dropped off a waffle iron. I've never had this combo. Let me tell you we all loved it and were thinking of who we will make this for when quarantine ends while we licked our plates clean.

Seeing my dad.

I scored some beautiful chops this week. We cooked them up in the cast iron skillet and then basted them with melted butter, garlic and sage. This is my favorite way to prepare chops.

#covidrockswi never took off, but Mike and I found just one rock on our walk through the woods this week. That means people are seeing them, taking them and enjoying them. That was our ultimate goal. We placed a few more and Lily and I will work on another batch.

Games of gin before dinner.

Lily and I went to target yesterday. She got a couple cute things for summer. I put a few things in my cart and then changed my mind. There is nothing I need right now and this is not the time for frivolity. It just does not feel right.

Then we stopped at a market that has a Starbucks in house. Lily was as happy and as thankful as I've seen her since this all started.

A Zoom happy hour with girl friends tomorrow.

Kids who are self-motivated. They are on top of deadlines and projects. They are getting their work done and excelling even under these circumstances.

We started the final season of Homeland last night. Having a show right now is a must.

The sun sets on another week of quarantine.

I Think I'll Sleep Like a Baby Tonight

Tonight Mike and I went out for another walk. He suggested a different, less-traveled parkway. I concurred. The wind was biting and the sky showy, and I relished in taking bottomless breaths and long strides. Our company was mostly avian in nature. We observed a tree full of chuckling red wing blackbirds. Their conk-la-rees and chak chak chaks gave us pause for a minute. We stopped. Looked up at the tippy tops of a veteran tree home to the winged chorus. I recognized their chatter as conversation, albeit one I did not, could not understand. We unknowingly scared up a pair of wood ducks. They whistled through the woods as they escaped us, and then we heard the honking and hinking of geese overhead. I was alone at the lagoon for a brief minute when I witnessed a bluebird dive into the water. With mouth agape, I watched that familiar, heart tugging azure beacon of hope then soar through the cloudy sky to a perch on a naked tree. I was excited to show Mike when he finished being a guy in the woods, but the brilliant little bird vanished in the tangle of drab branches the second I took my eyes off of him. Impossible, I thought. I saw it with my own eyes I knew. I felt it in my heart. That's what matters. I see a bluebird every time I walk this path without fail. That's what matters to me. 

I was up early this morning and out of the house at a reasonable hour. I took my breakfast (coffee) and lunch (egg salad on the nuttiest whole wheat bread) to go. It was both strange and routine to have to go to the office for the second time this week. Alan stopped in and I gave him a nice big piece of Simma's cheesecake. I think he was more excited about that than the sizable check from CNN. We all have our currencies.

I got home and went straight to bed with my book after a taxing few hours of work. I thought I'd finish it last night, but I crashed in the last 15 minutes of the last episode of Ozark season 3. That's blasphemy and also survival these days. The ability to shut down automatically when the world is too much or when I've had enough is lasting power during quarantine. So is escaping into the pages of a book. Other worlds, other lives, other problems are manna. The transition isn't always easy, but once I'm there or anywhere rather than here, it's a good place to be. And Writers and Lovers is one of those novels where the writing and the story are both so strong that I marvel in every word, dog ear lots of pages, can't wait to finish and want it to last forever. Yet I was satisfied with the ending that was much neater than I usually prefer. Now, I'm not sure what to read next. I have options, but nothing is calling me, coaxing me. I guess that's why I'm here instead. I need a new book and a new show.

Teddy took the night off from Door Dashing to focus on school. The semester is winding down. We received word that we can finally move him out of the dorm. We signed up for a time next week. I think the two of us will make the road trip mother son. I'm rather looking forward to it. Lily ran for an hour on the elliptical after taking last night off and after receiving news that softball is officially cancelled, not delayed, this spring. Blowing off steam, disappointment.

Tomorrow is a new day. I've promised Lily a Target run all week so I think I'll deliver tomorrow. Truth is that I'm a little looking forward to that too. Ted's request is fried chicken and waffles for dinner. I've never made fried chicken, but it seems like apropos quarantine cuisine. And my dad dropped off a waffle iron when he stopped this week so I have zero excuse. Tonight my main course was a bowl of sauteed spinach that was so good and exactly what I needed. With each bite, I thought I might cry. Yes, over leafy greens. I confess that I did cry in the shower. The water was Old Faithful hot and every drop felt like purification not punishment. The tears took me by surprise. I realized how much I've been bottling up, suppressing. I thought about my waterworks as I watched Terms of Endearment this weekend. I was startled by the acuity of emotion. It's intensity. It was a releasing of the dam. A breach. A breakthrough. All this time I've been stoic or cynical, but I've not been laid bare. 

There is something to be said for feeling and not thinking. For honesty instead of walking the walk and talking the talk. For thinking that the bluebird was just trying to get my attention. Oh, he did.

And as I write, Lily's singing in the shower in a voice I hope I remember forever, Mike's snoring on the family room couch, Ted's playing ping pong with friends in the basement, Tigger's sleeping in my bed behind me. Despite the heaviness, the tears, the uncertainty, I cannot help but feel like this is my charmed, perfectly less than perfect providence. These are my blessings. Good night.

Week 5, I Think

I'm giving up the guilt over my new 10 o' clock wake up time. It's useless. Pointless. I cannot seem to get to bed any earlier so why would it be easy to wake up at a decent hour? I have nowhere to go, nothing pressing to do. I've decided to let go of the regret and just sleep. Sleep is good for keeping the virus at bay, so I've heard. And this morning I was having such a wild and entertaining dream that when I woke up I was rather in awe of my imagination.

Although yesterday I had to get up to go into the office and I was just a little giddy over the normalcy of getting out of bed and getting dressed right away. I hauled all my folders and binders into the office ready to get shit done. First thing I brewed a cup of coffee and turned on the radio. I ended up putting in a solid 4 hours of work and it felt good to be so productive and useful. Alan called a couple times and I could tell that he was a little jealous that I was there, alone, taking care of business. When I came home, I read 5 pages before falling asleep. I napped through the news and it felt like a better choice.

Today I've been busy working on a project with Linda for a big media company in NYC. There's a hint of light at the end of this Corona tunnel. People are starting to think about getting back to work and life even in NY, which has certainly born the brunt of this contagion. We're talking more about life after here in our neck of the woods where we're mostly healthy, and it will likely be sooner rather than later.

My dad stopped by a little earlier to deliver a batch of his Beef Barley Soup, which is my favorite in his big pot rotation. He needed to get out of the house. He needed to see people. I get it. We didn't hug or kiss even on the cheek. I was able to send him home with some scones and a big bottle of hand sanitizer my aunt left for him when she was here for dinner on Sunday.

Yes, my aunt and uncle came with dinner and a birthday cake: our favorite lasagna and garlic bread from Mama Mia's and the world's best cheesecake from Simma's. We celebrated my uncle's birthday and all agreed that it was such a nice visit. We don't usually make a deal out of Larry's birthday. He's not especially fond of them, but I dare say that he enjoyed our time together Sunday. It felt special. It was special. Perhaps, that is one of the takeaways from this pandemic: valuing what's at the heart of the matter important.

Earlier in the day, Lily and I set out on the beautiful sunny day with some quarantine care packages. The gesture of spreading a little warmth and comfort is as much about me as it about the recipients. Taking care lightens my load. Lily started driving and I navigated. We switched roles midway. She's a much better driver than I am navigator. Enough said. Everyone seemed to enjoy the chicken pot pies and the almond joy scones. Those were Saturday's project while I ugly cried my way through Terms of Endearment. If you've seen it, you know what I mean. It's the penultimate tearjerker.

Saturday we made homemade pizzas. They were ready just as Ted got home for the night from driving all over town. He is a now a very enthusiastic Door Dash driver. We stocked him up with hand sanitizer, pepper spray and a very loud hand held alarm. While I don't love him going into some of the questionable neighborhoods he's been in, I must admit that this is the perfect job for him. They have challenges most shifts, they have bonuses during peak times, he listens to his music while he drives and he works when he wants to. Not to mention the instant gratification of seeing how much money he's earning every time he checks his phone. He's about to head out for the dinner shift.

Lily is off to hang out with some neighborhood friends. The girls lounge 6 feet apart on their own blankets in the yard and talk. I've seen they get a little closer when they Tik Tok, but'm not too worried. Mike and I will motivate shortly for a walk on this chilly spring afternoon. We'll come home, play a game of gin, maybe have a cocktail, make some dinner, watch another episode of Ozark. I'll probably stay up too late finishing the last 60 pages of my book. I am loving Writers and Lovers. It will be a normal Tuesday night here at Casa Wags and for that I am grateful.

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

A stash of games. Wizard, mentioned here often, is a family fave. I've had the Boggle game since before kids. The cribbage game is Mike's from college. Wits and Wagers is fun for all ages. I've been playing Backgammon since I could count.

This guy for reminding us to take time off to play.

TP, the hostess gift of 2020.

Although beautiful hydrangea's are a very close second. This beauty has made me happy all week long.

Ted spent a couple days at Windmill Beach with my brother this week. They bro'd out, talked stocks, ran on the beach, played ping pong and ate guy food.

Lily and I spent lots of time walking along the river sometimes talking and other times listening to podcasts.

Her tree series. She is a much better rock painter than I am.

A new cake plate in time for Easter.

Water and wine. Coffee, not pictured, too.

Big plans this weekend to make more quarantine care packages: chicken pot pies and almond joy scones for two friends.

Roasting the corned beef instead of using the pressure cooker. It was perfect for sandwiches.

Pears. I added a beautifully ripe one to my spring salad for Easter dinner. It's a simple salad with a lovely French vinaigrette, some toasted pecans and a slice of panko breaded toasted goat cheese. The fruit was a wonderful addition.

Green grapes have been delish. Crunchy and sweet.

Orange tulips. So happy and hopeful.

My home. It's always where my heart is, but lately I have an even greater appreciation for it's comfort and coziness.

Survivor this season. The cast of all winner has taken it up a notch.

I've cleaned out almost every cabinet and drawer on the first floor including the pantry and my china hutch. I've been avoiding my closets and the linen closet, but they will be done before quarantine is over. Hopefully, yard clean-up and some household painting projects will be done too.

New pillows for the family room. I was thinking about new furniture, but given the circumstances a less expensive refresh will have to do.

SNL this week. It wasn't the funniest I've seen, but I appreciated the efforts to produce the show remote and I did laugh quite a few times.

We started the third season of Ozark too. All I can say is woa Wendy!

Taking the time to paint this card to send to my frister who gifted me a set of hummingbird crystal wine glasses. Incidentally, she also gave me the fancy set of paint brushes I used. She knows me so well.

A pair of Baltimore orioles just flew through the yard.

There was toilet paper at the grocery store today. Still no yeast.

I picked up a some things for Linda and we chatted for a few minutes from 6 feet apart. I miss my work family. Last night we texted throughout the Disney Singalong. 

We endured one more week of quarantine.

#covidrockswi

Lily and I bundled up again yesterday for an afternoon walk with our first round of painted rocks. We left the little pretties along the Milwaukee River for others to find hoping that doing so would spark a little joy, a smile, some whimsy...all things we can use right now. The hashtag on the back directs visitors to a post that suggests they tag us in an effort to stay connected while we are apart. It may or it may not take off. Either way, it is time well spent with my best girl. And whether or not people reach out, I am a believer that they will feel a little hope and happiness when they hap upon one of our colorful creations amidst the landscape that has yet to see spring.

 

 

This is April. This is Quarantine.

Quarantine time is a strange phenomenon. What day is it? What week is this? And further confounding the anomaly is my new penchant to burn the midnight oil and then sleep away the morning. I'm getting better though. Yesterday I set my alarm for 8:30 and only snoozed until 9:30. This morning I must have reset my alarm (although I don't remember doing so) and then greeted the day just before 10. I was hoping for improvement. I'd have considered 9:15 a win. Well, there's always tomorrow. And what day will that bet?

Lily and I debated the length of this stay at home life while we were out for an afternoon walk yesterday. She claimed it's been months. After a little back and forth, we agreed on 4 weeks. The weather seemed in sync with this time out of time. It started to snow when we were a block from home. The sun came out just as we joined the path and for the duration of our walk there were intervals of bright sun followed by squalls of snow. At one point without a cloud in the sky, we observed a steady stream of snow. This is April folks.

After almost 4 miles, I felt productive so I pulled out the pork roast that was to be dinner only to find it had spoiled. Wasting food right now gets deep in my craw. I poured a glass of wine leftover from Easter and lost myself in an episode of Tiger King. I'm not proud to admit that I started and finished the 7 episodes yesterday although it was my major accomplishment for Tuesday. Yesterday was Tuesday...right? BTW Carole totally fed her first husband to the tigers, they should all be in jail, and I hope I can get Mike a pair of Joe Exotic underwear for Father's Day. Forget 2UNDRs. 

I managed to hit pause and make dinner. I needed a wine refill so I had to get up. We settled on a quick and easy carbonara, so basically breakfast for dinner: bacon and egg pasta. It was very good, but my regular recipe is better. Sorry Mark Bittman. I need to defrost something for dinner right now so we don't go hungry tonight. That's a joke btw.

We should be eating Easter leftovers. We have enough pricey lamb chops and rosemary potatoes for another meal. Mike cooked the chops perfectly and they were tasty, but I now know that they aren't my thing. It's not so much the taste as the idea. That being said we had a lovely celebration with friends who are family. And before anyone gets their dander up, we were under the 10 person limit, and we didn't hug. We taught the W's Wizard before dinner. I just ordered a game for them from Amazon. I both love and hate Amazon right now. Ah, but dinner came together perfectly. That's because Mike was responsible for timing. Thank you love. All the food was piping hot as we sat down at the table. Wine was poured, candles were all lit and Mike made an eloquent toast. Putting this dinner together filled me with so much joy all weekend long and knowing that we would be together made all of the quarantine changes like watching mass on television a little easier. I made a carrot cake with brown sugar buttercream for dessert. The homemade butter pecan ice cream refused to set, but it was the only fail. After dinner, the guys played crib and the rest of us played Fish Bowl. I missed my usual peeps, but thoroughly enjoyed our Easter gathering. I'm hoping that we can be with family by Mother's Day.

 All Set.

 Hello Spring.

Game On.

 My Guys.

  Girl Power.

Parker House Rolls.

Sexy Chops.

Dinner is Served.

As I'm writing, I just found out that several states have extended their stay at home orders until as late as June. One of the states is Minnesota. They have 90 cases. I'm sorry, but that makes no sense to me. In Michigan, residents can go to the hardware store, but they cannot buy paint or grass seed. Did you read 1984? This kind of authoritarian order seems arbitrary and punitive. Wisconsin's governor closed all state parks this week and banned window visits at care facilities. These seem like knee jerk reactions. Orders made just because those in power can. I've been surprised that Americans have been so complicit while our civil liberties have been stripped one after another. I don't see this passivity enduring. I'm feeling more violated than vulnerable right now.