Happy 21st Birthday to my August Babe! You arrived on a hot, sunny day after a an easy pregnancy and speedy delivery. Thank you btw. The Blue Angels filled the sky and you, our very own angel, filled our hearts and arms. The blessing of your arrival completed our family.
I felt a special connection to you the first time I looked into your eyes. Now, I know most mothers claim this, but as a fellow old soul, I knew you possessed an understanding beyond your new birth. People who know you most often describe you as wise beyond your years because your emotional IQ has always been off the charts. You have always felt things deeply and profoundly, and you have an unparalleled sense of empathy.
One of my favorite memories of this big heart of yours is when we were Christmas caroling with Ted's cub scout troop at a nursing home. After we sang, you went to each and every resident to give them a hug, and the room was quite full. As we were about to walk out into the cold night, you saw a lady at the top of the stairs looking down. You said, "I'll be right back. I forgot one." You ran up those stairs and gave her the biggest hug. I was speechless and touched to my core.
Old souls tend to have a deep love of nature. There is nothing you loved more on a lazy Saturday than hiking the trails of the Audubon. We spent a lot of time there so much that at times it felt like a second home. You were an excellent and fearless frogger. After a little visit and a pose for a picture, you would put them back exactly where you found them so that they could reunite with their families. One year at summer camp, you came home particularly grumpy because the counselor was keeping the captured frogs in buckets. You asked if you could set them free. She said no, but when she turned her back, you set them free.
Your compassion extends to people as well. Especially the under-dog or those down on their luck, and you've always had a keen sense of just who is in need even when it isn't obvious. Your gentle, kind spirit amazes me all the time.
You had a houseful of friends on your birthday, and you were positively glowing. Others noticed it too. You have never been a fan of the spotlight. I'm sorry I forced all the singing and acting lessons and camps over the years.On that night though, you took it all in an so did I Bit. You have worked hard to cultivate friendships with such a great group of girls. After the middle school drama and the high school growing pains, you are in such a wonderful place. I think you've learned that exclusivity is limiting, relationships are unique, we need different people for the different things they bring to our lives and to have good friends you have to be a good friend.
Soon you will embark on your senior year of college. It's a fact that gives me pause because years are mere minutes.Yada yada. Yet I'm nothing but excited for you to live in your houseful of girls on West Wash for one last year in Madison. Whatever comes next, will be all good. Not necessarily perfect, but good.
And just a few parting points...or 21:
1) Never for a second let perfect ruin good. Always celebrate the joy moments and find the silver lining. Life is sometimes brutal, but always beautiful.
2) Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver, the other gold. They are both precious metals. Treat them as such and make sure it's reciprocal.
3) We teach people how to treat us by what we tolerate or allow, and how we behave and treat them. The Golden Rule is the most important: always treat others the way you want to be treated. Respect yourself and you will be respected.
4) Do not be afraid to laugh until you cry, or cry until you laugh. Nothing is as cathartic as a good cry. Tears remind us that we are alive: living, loving, feeling.
4) Don't be afraid to speak your truth. Be respectful in your assertions, but unafraid to speak up and out. Too many people turn the other cheek in the face of injustice or mistreatment. Do not be one of them.
5) Always help when you can...your friends, your parents, your grandparents, neighbors (yes, even with 10 cats) and strangers too. Being there for others is at the very essence of humanity. Sometimes the smallest gesture can have the greatest impact. There is nothing better than being selfless.
6) Know your worth. Don't be intimidated by bosses or boys or bullies. Use your voice.
7) Replace toilet paper rolls, put the toilet seat down, fill ice trays, put dirty clothes in the hamper...a tidy house makes room for a tidy mind and happy roommates.
8) Spend up for purses and shoes and things that are timeless like jewelry, take care of them and keep them. They always come back in style and you may have a daughter who will love them like new (hello Coach clutch). One of my favorite sweaters in high school was my dad's favorite in college. I still have no idea why I gave it away.
9) Keep a journal. You don't have to write in it every day, just when the words come to you. It's a place to purge things you need to get rid of and to keep things you need to remember. Journaling literally saved my sanity some times and held my heart others.
10) Take care of your body. Go to the dentist twice a year and the doctor for your annual physical. You don't need any yawping about eating healthy or exercising or taking care of your beautiful skin, but do it.
11) Vote in every election. It is a privilege. It is also your duty to stay informed so you vote with conviction. You may even want to run for office one day. I'll vote for you.
12) Swim in the wild sea lake, sing in the rain, get up for a sun rise once in awhile, hike without ear buds from time to time, moon gaze and star gaze and remember what a privilege it is to be alive.
13) Write thank yous, respond to RSVPs, call mom, text mom, shake hands upon introduction, look people in the eye.
14) Read as much as you can. It expands your mind, feeds your imagination and connects you with others. Life is but one long story. I know you don't love books the way I do, but that very well may change one day and in that case, here is a noncomprehensive list of must reads classics not included:
In your 21st year, read A Little Life. It's a beautiful, brutal story of friendship. The Lincoln Highway and The Five People You Meet in Heaven too.
I always have Moth stories and Mary Oliver on my bedside for inspiration.
When you miss traveling, Picnic in Provence, Between Two Kingdoms and Eat, Pray, Love are good choices. The Paris Wife is juicy and most of Hemmingway will take you far away.
Good rainy day reads are Light Years, Ongoingness and Safekeeping.
Lacking a voice, read Dear Mr. You; grieving pick up The Year of Magical Thinking; lacking faith, spend time with After This and Devotion.
Read Tell Me More in your 30s and Magical Journey in your 40s. Read Gift From the Sea every decade.
After you've been married for 7 or so years, read Hourglass.
When the world feels like too much, I recommend, Cutting for Stone, The Glass Castle, The Poisonwood Bible, Wild and The Kite Runner.
Just because I love Amy Tan and Louise Erdrich, read The Joy Luck Club and Love Medicine. If you like them, read more. Everything these two amazing authors have written is worthwhile.
The Goldfinch, Commonwealth (and The Dutch House) and anything by Elizabeth Strout are always good companions.
15) Never stop believing in miracles or magic or your intuition. Your gut is sound. Karma is real. The universe is listening. God too. Earnest prayer is powerful. Silence is cleansing. Most of the answers you will seek are within you.
16) Never say never. Ever. The world is full of possibilities. There is always something else, somewhere new. Be open to embracing new people, places and things...experiences and opportunities. The world is your oyster. Shuck it.
17) Use the good china (I have 5 sets and they are all yours one day) and
wear the good jewelry, buy fresh flowers once in awhile and good butter all the time, good enough
towels and bedding too. Surround yourself with things that bring you comfort and joy.
18) No is a complete sentence. You are able to just say it when you need or want to. But say yes when you can because you never know where that may lead. That being said, do not give in to FOMO. That is for people who lack a strong sense of self. Just do and be you.
19) Value experiences over possessions and your character over your status. Who you are is more important than what or where you are.
20) Be kind to yourself. Know that when life feels like too much...it will
pass. Take a walk, call home, go get the flavor of the day or better yet both, breathe,
take a nap, cuddle a cat, take a hot or a cold shower, sing out-loud
21) Be happy! Not punch-drunk gleeful 24/7, but content. Fulfilled. Truly that is what I most want for you Cutie!
I love you to the moon and back Miss Bit!
You are one of the very best people I know.
xo,
Mom
