Power

We lost power last night. It was dusk and the sky was sickly yellow like a bruise. The storm had already passed so I wasn't expecting it and I wasn't pleased. It was 8:30. I opened the window and went to bed. I went to bed, but I didn't sleep. The house was too quiet, the air stagnant. Outside I heard a neighbor's generator whirling away, a siren wailing, a door slam, fireworks in the distance. Every time I was about to drift off something would stop me and then I would brace for the house to come back to life. That finally happened at 1:00. I finally slept. Fitfully through the night. The almost full moon was more distraction than muse.

Today I'm heavy, which I mostly attribute to not enough REM sleep and the current addled state of my mind. So much feels like too much.

I would have been perfectly happy to stay in all weekend, but I'm starting to get the Oblomov complex I reserve for late winter. There is something that is acceptable about being a shut in in February that is not okay in July. Capisce? Old friends reached out to get a date on the calendar last week so I bit the bullet and asked if Saturday would work. I didn't really think it would because it was already Friday, but I'm glad they were free. We met at a beer garden in our old stomping grounds on a quintessential summer eve and then we took them to one of our favorite restaurants where we proceeded to order the menu and two bottles of wine. Turns out it was what I needed. I was properly out of my funk and convinced my husband to stop at the neighbor's for a night cap on the way home. I was reminded of the merit in acting the way I want to feel.

This weekend will be mostly devoted to party planning for our recent graduate and soon to be 18 year old. She's getting excited for fall, and I'm slowly coming out of denial. This week I ordered the bulk of the dorm necessities from her Amazon list. Teddy and I went to Ikea days before his move in. This will be more deliberate and thoughtful because she is a girl. She and Mike went to Apple today to get her computer. She just found out that she's starting college with 39 credits and she's happy with her first semester schedule. Everything is lining up for the road ahead.

Ted is having a banner summer. He told my brother that he feels like he has a whole different life, and it's true. He's meeting people, making connections, having fun and enjoying exploring his new city. I can say that I notice the maturation that comes with stepping out of comfort zones. The confidence too, but he was never lacking for that. My own heart swells with pride.

And that brings me to the nugget. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my kids thrive and thrive they are. It's been my life's work and now we're fast approaching the end of an era. I'm passing the baton and I'm asking myself what's next. That is both exciting and terrifying. I'm sleeping on it, or trying to.