It's All Good

 It was a whirlwind of a week and then I crashed. Literally. I backed out of the driveway in a hurry and straight into Mike's car damaging both of our vehicles. He was forgiving. I'm still disappointed in myself. Bathos is far worse than anger. I couldn't keep my eyes open for even two episodes of Ozark last night, and it's a captivating watch so I relented and tucked myself in for 10 hours of nearly dreamless sleep. I'd had enough. Another crash.

It was a good week on many fronts. A string of days that left me feeling strong and positive with a certitude I haven't felt in a very long while. And yet the part of me that I cannot convert from pessimism was already on alert. I felt it deep within that something had to be coming my way to knock me out of my pie in the sky state of mind. I was all I got this. I am woman hear me roar. I ignored that barely perceptible little voice that was warning me: take care, be on alert all the while knowing that the other shoe would drop. It always does.

In the grand scheme of things this is not a major deal. No one was hurt. The cars will be repaired. Yes, with money we hadn't planned to spend. On that. Or at all. The real damage is to my ego, which stands to be even more suspicious and scrutinizing when things are going my way. That half full glass will empty a few drops more.

I guess the good thing is that I slept like the dead last night and my first thoughts on waking this morning were not the wrecked door or bumper. Some day this will be a funny story. Well, more likely a cautionary tale. 

And that mishap does not mitigate all the good things that happened this week. Things like a writing gig long in the making finally coming to fruition. I am going to be paid to write. Paid well. This is my dream. Another prospect for editing. Mike is in line to get a new job too. The kids are both off to stellar starts for this school year. Lily let me read her first essay for honors English and I was quite impressed. Things like finally moving my profit sharing. I am completely done with the Nicholas Company. I feel relief. Relief that chapter is closed and that my retirement money will be actively managed by capable, committed professionals. Good things like impromptu mid-week guests for dinner. Mark and Jess joined us for a delicious meal Tuesday night. Another gathering Thursday. This time for book club. We sat around a table on Candace's patio on a beautiful night talking a little about the An American Marriage and mostly about other things. While I wish we'd focus more on the book, I cannot deny that the company is always delightful. Good things like 3 sweaty morning walks and a fruitful trip to the farmer's market to stock up. An early morning visit to the apple orchard for a supply of the early harvest of ginger golds and mollies. Lily and I went to pick, but were warned that the mosquitoes were fierce so we visited the barn instead. Good things like a big pot of chili, two loaves of fresh bread...one to keep and one to share, and a fabulous new recipe for zucchini gratin. Good things like early mornings in my quiet house with my boys and books. This week I reread Tayari's book and I enjoyed just as much the second go around.

Today we are Windmill Beach bound for a day in the sun. It strikes me that this is the perfect end to a mostly sublime string of days. I'm going to bask in that big ball of glory and then salute the moon as she rises. Tides turn. Everything ebbs and flows and in every life there is some flotsam and some jetsam. It comes down to what we make of it. What we take from it.