All Good

Where to begin? I feel like I've been whining a lot here lately. I had a physical this morning and I talked to my doctor very honestly about my struggles: annoying, not debilitating. She made me feel heard and she had some ideas. Most of which I already know, but there is a relief in giving voice to your feelings. It's almost like confession. I'm overdue on that too.

Life is full of stress right now and I recognize I am not alone. Everyone I know is dealing with something. Most everyone is dealing with somethings. Plural. And while it's life to face obstacles, milestones, fears and hardships on a regular base, nothing feels very usual right now. Normal bumps feel like mountains. I blame the lack of compassionate, competent leadership if I have to point fingers. Heck, I'll point toes too. It doesn't do much good for immediate abatement, but August will be here soon and then November.

What grants easement right now is consistent self care, abundant family time, and the sprinkling of joy moments that I look for every day. Case in point...Mike and I took a before dinner walk last night. I almost didn't, but then did. If I hadn't, I would have likely watched the news and that has been bad for me lately. It was slightly crisp, but beautiful. A perfect night I knew I would regret not enjoying. 

After dinner, I retired to read. I started Verity this weekend and finished it last night. It was a page turner that I thoroughly enjoyed. Reading is so much better for me than television, and guess what I've been doing? Not doing? Too much Netflix. Too few books. I went out of my way to return it this morning so someone on the waiting list can get it sooner. It's a small gesture, but one that made me smile. I'm hoping Mean Baby will be waiting for me soon. I believe in the little things.

Saturday we took a whirlwind trip to Chicago with the intent to get ready to move Teddy in June. We made good time getting down to the windy city in the rain, were able to find street parking, get the keys from the doorman and haul all our stuff up in a single trip only to find that there was no electricity. There was no power because Teddy had just set up the account late the day before. So while I wanted to kill him, I didn't drive 90 miles to make even more of a mess to clean up. We called Robert, the doorman, and inquired about getting an extension cord. He sent Danny, Mr. Maintenance, STAT. He didn't like the idea of pirating the building's electricity, but he smuggled us a cord nonetheless and we worked at lightning speed to vacuum and shampoo the carpeting. I love them both. It's a good thing the place had been professionally cleaned because the windowless kitchen and the bathroom had zero light. We bleached and Lysoled all surfaces again for good measure. In two hours, we were at Giordano's getting Chicago Style pies feeling pretty proud of ourselves for not fighting getting the job done.

I'm excited for Teddy. I think he's going to enjoy living in Chicago, in his own studio with a gym and pool and grocery store on the 44th floor, 3 blocks from the lake in one direction and Rush street in the other. Cue the Jefferson's theme...He's moving on up. Of course, we still have no idea where he'll be living in September. Details for another day.

Sunday was another productive day only this time at home and in the yard. It's unbelievable how all the beds are filling in. Everything is lush and green. I'm not a green thumb, but I wish I were this time each year, and some day I dream of a big vegetable garden instead of a few pots of herbs. I plan to go to the nursery Friday because while it's a little chilly, I think we're out of danger where frost is concerned.

We're turning so many corners - on the cusp of summer with a graduating senior and an empty nest in fall. Even though I have to occasionally remind myself...it's all good.  

Brain and Photo Dump

I haven't been taking many photos. That's unusual for me. Below are a few from recent weeks that tell you a lot about my current headspace. I'm betwixt and between: seasons, stages, cities. The one consistency is Casa Wags where the three amigos remind me to sit down, relax and breathe. I am unapologetically that crazy cat lady.

We moved Ted home from Madison last weekend. He'll be here for a few weeks before spending the rest of the summer in Chicago, which right now is only slightly less violent or dangerous than Milwaukee, a fact that is weighing on me heavily. I feel like we are bursting at the seams with stuff as we shift households again. My dad laughed when I told him I could use his expertise in transportation logistics after his many years in that profession. I wasn't joking.

We're going down to Chicago Saturday to clean his apartment, take some essentials and measure before we do the big move. I'm not sure that they will appreciate me coming through the lobby of the John Hancock with buckets and brooms, but I don't really care. They do not make it easy for you to move in.

Before summer is over, we have 4 more moves. Madison to Madison apartment TBD, Chicago to Milwaukee and then both kids back to Madison. And yes, my head hurts. My body to my bones too. I have a gazillion lists and color coded calendars and I'm doing my very best to take it day by day so as not to steal the sweetness of the here and now.

Last night the guys went to work out together after Ted spent the day golfing. Lily came home from senior skip day at the Brewer's game and hung out with a friend in the basement. I took a cat nap before a friend came to dinner. Mike made his bbq ribs and while it was just an ordinary day, it was special. Worth noting because how we spend our days is how we spend our lives. It can also be said that who we spend our days with is who we spend our lives with and that is what matters most. I want to be present today. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

Weekending

Even though it was Mom's Day weekend I agreed to a 36 hour road trip (11 of which were spent in the car) with Jess. Her cousin had the lead role as Violet in Milliken University's spring musical. She graduates in 2 weeks and is NYC bound to try to make her way as a performer. I don't want to jinx anything by throwing that B avenue out there, but she certainly has the potential, the talent, the desire. Godspeed Paige.

I love theatre, but there is something extra special (hopeful and inspiring) about up and coming artists. The energy is off the charts. The rawness of their performances is refreshing. This theatre was small. Another word for small is intimate. That definitely adds to a performance as well. I spent a good amount of time watching the audience filled with friends and family members because I was living vicariously through them. Paige had quite a contingency most of them women: mom, aunts, cousins, a sister, an 87 year old Grandma, and it struck me as the perfect way to spend Mother's Day weekend...in the company of so many generations of women supporting women.

It's funny, but it made me happy, not blue. Happy because it reminded me of all the times my mom was my cheerleader. I had my time with her Friday afternoon. I set out on a solo trail walk with the idea that I'd think about her. My energy was received. I found two heart shaped rocks too big to put in my pocket right between a single blooming daffodil that was a beacon in the woods. That's what I call a universe moment. They are humbling, hopeful and healing. Heart shaped rocks being our thing. One of our things.

 

I came home Sunday evening to a little celebration and lots of flowers. Ted even sent me a bouquet and that was a nice surprise since I know he's in the middle of exams. Mike and Lily made me dinner. Mike was on steak and Lily fixed my new favorite Brussels sprouts. There was wine and dessert. I know how lucky I am for all of it, them, this.

 

Grateful Friday

Today I give thanks for...

Cooking with Teddy. One night last week he called me at about 9 o'clock to get advise on cooking his tenderloin steaks. He knows what to do, but I oblige. We each poured a glass of wine after long, productive days, and we Facetimed while he made his dinner and I missed him a little less. 

Junior year is in almost in the books. He'll be home in a week for a brief stay before we move him to Chicago for the summer.

He will graduate in December and immediately begin his masters in tax.

 Lil's is done with her AP exams. She had 4 this week. Now she can relax and just enjoy the rest of her senior year.

We signed up for housing last week. She is going to be roomies with a lovely girl from Chicago named Faith. They met on social media and clicked.

Mike. He obliged my suggestion that he make an awesome cat house out of boxes we had lying around the house. Gus  was constantly underfoot supervised and now thinks he owns the place. 

Billy and Emmett and Duchess and Woolly. Such compelling characters. I finally finished The Lincoln Highway and I highly recommend it. Now I'm reading a collection of short stories set in Alaska called Nobody Gets Out Alive. I'm just a couple in, but I like it.

I'm challenging myself this week to buy only the necessary groceries and plan meals based on what's in the pantry and freezer(s) again. I did that last week too, but we still paid $250 at our weekly stop. Lils and I were both surprised enough that we scrutinized the receipt. Ouch! This is getting real folks.

A spontaneous happy hour at a favorite place with a favorite person last night. I had it on my mind to just go home after a couple business calls, but my aunt convinced me with a we won't be able to do this much longer. We stopped out at Caterinas. It was a good choice. The escargot was so good and garlicky and perfect with a nice Chianti.

The night before, Mike and I were watching the news after a walk when the doorbell rang. Jess stopped by after work. I made a quick cheese plate and we caught up. The lovely brie with blue that Candace brought last week made another appearance. It's my new favorite.

Tomorrow Jess and I are going on a 24 hour road trip to Millikin University to see her cousin perform  the lead in the school musical. After graduation in a couple weeks, she is NYC bound to chase her Broadway dreams. You might think Jess and I were going to the big city instead of quaint Decatur IL by how excited we are to get out and about.

A new pair of silver hoops. I have been in search of and I found exactly what I was looking for. Never kid yourself, it is always about the little things.

Our 25 year old dryer was repaired yesterday for $100. I was ready to go appliance shopping because 25 years old, but Mike convinced me to be sensible. He reminded me that the handful of times we've had this set repaired, we've been told to never get rid of them because...they don't make things the way they used to. And that folks is a fact.

Getting started on fall clean up in the yard this week. Everything is coming up including the iris bulbs we transplanted from my aunt's garden in fall.

Irises. They remind me of my childhood home. The front walk was flanked on both sides by irises in every color. Now they'll also remind me of my aunt.

William Sonoma croissants. Since I will be gone on Mother's Day, I sent my step-mom a treat. I included the Fortnum and Mason jam trio because it takes the bakery to the next level. I always recognize Judy on this day because she is one of my moms and I'm grateful for her presence in my life.

Mike will take his mom on a mother son date to the theatre next weekend. I think she will really enjoy this gift and let me tell you...boy does she deserve it. I'm grateful for her too.

I brought flowers for my aunt yesterday because while she's more my big sister, she's someone I am also grateful for, and she is my son's god mother.

Mothers, aunts, fristers...where would we be without them? I'm missing my mom this year as always, but it's that gnawing sadness that gently tugs at my heartstrings. It stings slightly less when I remember the angels here on earth and how blessed I am in my own role as mother, the best title I've ever had.

Cat mama too. Finn is such a snuggler lately. In the middle of the night, he meows to be let under the covers where he settles in and literally hugs me for hours. And no one is sweeter than Hazel. She is my sidekick...my shadow. Gus is still pure entertainment. His new thing is to run like a wild man throughout the house until he pants like a dog. We call it his shpilkes.