Good Things

Thoughts are swirling around my head like the snow that's dancing through the air this morning. The scene is sedate. The reality is chaotic. It's been this way for the past week and I've felt strongly pulled to come here to purge...make peace. I cannot really explain my extended absence. I can only say that life is good and full right now, but I am yearning for it to be even better. I have yet to achieve balance. I cannot remember the last time that work was such a focus and priority in my life. I cannot say that I've felt this jazzed at both the start and the end of the day ever. The trade off of all this energy spent is obvious. It's also temporary.

At book club last night, I couldn't contain my excitement over my new job. We also talked about college applications, exciting moves, Thanksgiving and, of course, The Immortalists. I read it back in January so the Gold sibling's novellas were tucked in the catacombs of my mind, but not the question that the book posed. The question of existential destiny is something I think about daily. How do we best live our lives knowing that we are going to die? In balance is the answer I seek. Present.

Sunday I read a book cover to cover and I didn't feel the least bit guilty. I dog eared a single page in Yrsa Daley-Ward's memoir The Terrible for these words:

Secretly we all know the bad things are about to happen. It's already inside us, some coding in the body. Already behind the curtain, glowing red. Already dreamed, and it comes and it goes and it comes again.

I dog eared it because it made me think of all the good things that are happening, about to happen, inside us.

I came home last night and curled up on the couch waiting for Teddy to come home for the night. The girls were giggling upstairs...getting ready for bed. I didn't make it through the recap of last week's episode of a favorite show before dozing off. Teddy woke me. "Let's go to bed mom," he said softly. Something about the way he was taking care of me struck me as just so sweet. See what I mean about good things.